Stuck without direction

[Residual]

I guess I'll start off by introducing myself.
I'm a 22 year old male currently on a hiatus from university, due to reasons that will hopefully become clear soon enough.
This is my first time seeking any real help, as I've thought in the past that I can just push through all this stuff. Apparently I can't.

Anyway, on to the point. I suppose I should start at the trigger. My Mother died in late 2014.
Initially being surrounded by friends and family helped me in dealing with the grief. However, as I had found a new job working the night shift at a local factory a few weeks following the funeral, I was focusing more on the job than dealing with my grief. Essentially I was bottling up any emotion from the event and lost contact with most of my friends and family.

Having saved a modest amount of money for university I moved there in February. I made some success in making friendships from my time living on campus, owing to my anxiety though I really felt more isolated than ever. But at least my grades were good..? Midway through my first year on campus I first felt things begin to crumble. I suppose the grief finally caught up to me?

Having lost interest in my degree, most other aspects of my life over the last 3 years have also begun to fade. My grades dropped first. I lost all interest in dating, not that there was anything to draw experience from. My physical appearance is now one of my least concerns, as I've gained ~20kgs (to ~130kg at 6'5") over 2015-2018. My finances have also taken a hit, living off benefits and barely scraping by - I've had to ask my Dad and step-Mother for help on several occasions. Over this time I've taken to the habit of sleeping/napping during the day (an artifact of my time on night shift), blocking myself from most day time events. Additionally I've taken up my high school habit of playing WoW, which I thought might assist me in the social aspect, but has only served to hinder me further. I'm finding the act of playing games to also be a chore now.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am definitely not enjoying my situation. I think I know the things I know I need to do.
I need to:
- Find a job.
- Sleep at the right times.
- Eat the right things.
- Exercise.
- See someone about my depression and anxiety.
- See a GP about my general health.
- Get my finances in order.
- Finish my degree.
- Etc.

I just don't know where or how to start. Everything I NEED to do is compounding into stress. I just need some guidance. Please.

[Quercus]

Hi Residual and welcome to the forums,

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when you are buried by your depression and grief at the loss of your Mum. Losing a parent is devestating and I'm sorry you are hurting so much.

Your list of self help tasks is enormous and utterly overwhelming even to me reading it.

I suggest tearing up any to do lists for now and focusing on one goal only. Reaching out for help.

You've taken the first step by reaching out here and that is wonderful. So now what? You can read threads and reply wherever it appeals to you. Join in wherever it helps you. Write here about whatever you need to talk about.

Here you'll find encouragement to make an appointment to your GP. Writing here is a small part of managing depression. The biggest change comes when you seek medical help. If words fail you print out your thread and hand it over to begin the discussion.

Your doctor will be able to point you towards services locally that will help you. They may give you medication but please consider therapy too. It does help.

I find that managing my weight and finances and work and feelings is beyond me when my depression is not managed well. Once I began to manage it I found I had more energy to help myself.

Please don't be too hard on yourself ok. You're alive and reaching out for support and that alone is worth celebrating.

If you feel you need to talk to someone more immediately feel free to use the helplines or online chat listed at the bottom of the screen.

Welcome Residual.

Nat

[stormcloudz]

Hi there Residual

A warm welcome. I have found this to be an understanding, gentle and non-judgmental forum, and it's great you are here.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum. It is also hard to have drifted away from family and friends.

I had the same reaction to your list as Querus. That's a lot to take on when you are depressed. Start with the depression and anxiety. Let us know if you would like some suggestions on how to approach that. A good GP can help point you in the right direction.

As Querus says, please don't be too hard on yourself right now. It's OK not to have everything perfect.