Partners who work away

Maree111 · ‎12-12-2019

I’m just wondering what people do to help make things easier when their partners are away? My partner works away for about 8 months of the year and has done for a few years. The last year I feel like I get to almost breaking point and crying so easily and getting angry that he is never here especially when things go wrong and I have no one to assure me everything is going to be ok. I can’t talk to friends or family as they don’t understand and they just say oh I did it once (and when I ask about it, it’s often that their partner worked away for a month and that’s it, hardly the same!). I just wish I had more understanding instead of people trying to make it seem like nothing. I honestly think I do pretty well but when I do have my moments and to hear people downplay it makes my feelings feel unjustified and not normal. Be interested to see if others find the same and how they get the understanding and help they need to stay strong while our men are just doing it to help us in the future.

Aaronsis · ‎12-12-2019

Hi Maree111

Welcome to the forums it is so great that you have come for some support on what I am so very sure is a really really tough thing to have to go through.

I can only speak on behalf of my childhood and speak from what I saw my mother do. My dad went to the Antarctic, he went about 7 times in my childhood, each "season" is about 12months, the longest one was in fact 18 months. He is a meteorologist. I have a brother and it was pretty much up to my mum to raise us, dad was gone and my mum did everything, from the essentials of house work and cooking to the other stuff like emotional support and holding the fort together when it went pear shaped. She didn't really have much support but the one thing she did have was a group of other wives that their partners were away too. I am wondering if this is something that is available to you?

As you mentioned, no one really understands how it feels, to be left alone and not only missing your husband but missing the support and having another person to share the load and bounce things off. Not only that they are missing parts of your life and your families lives too.

There was also the weird thing when dad came home of us all having to "get to know each other again". It was weird, I also remember hearing them arguing as they got used to being around each other again. It was very hard, for both of them. As you say, they do it for the security of the family financially but there is so much being sacrificed here.

I am so glad you have reached out for some support and I am sorry that you are going through these times with little support and little understanding. So very hard.

Hope to chat some more to you Maree111

Hugs

AS

Donnabalnor · ‎13-12-2019

Hi its very hard being on your own for so long my dad was a seaman and saw very little of him growing up. Please try and reach out for a support group of other women who's men work away its hard at first and visit your GP when you get very low. Families can be not understanding and hurtful in their comments Have you any kids at home ?. if so is there a mums group you could join just to get you out of the house. Sorry I cannot offer any more help as I know too well how much loneliness hurts. Please reach out for help and support. Regards Donnabalnor

Forever_Hopeful · ‎13-12-2019

Hi Maree111

I currently am doing long distance with my new partner and it's really hard. We are at 6 months now and have only seen each other in person once for a couple weeks in that time. It's lonely and I cry more than I'd like to admit. One thing that does help is lots of video chats (if that's possible) so you are talking face to face rather than text or phonecalls where things can lose context. If you can spend more intimate time, even better. schedule time to connect or even have a video date. Inbetween times it just pays to keep busy with things to keep your mind busy. If it truly is too hard on you, is it possible that your partner might choose to change job so he can be home more often to be there for you?

Higgi · ‎14-12-2019

Hi Maree111

I have to say I admire anyone who can do a long distance relationship, as it is hard work. I'm lucky to have a relationship that doesn't require this.
In saying that, I have been in a long distance relationship where I didn't see my then-partner for about 3 months at a time (nothing like 8 months or more on repeat). I had days where I felt exactly like you and had the same reaction from friends and family which is very frustrating.

But I also learned it is okay to cry and be angry so you can let some steam off, nothing wrong with it. I always felt better after a good crying session. As forever hopeful said too, facetime helped a lot. And as you said yourself, you're doing pretty well so don't doubt it. What also helped me was a routine, get a good morning and good night text or call, gave me something to look forward to and just rely more on my then-partner.
In terms of friends, I made a deal with my best friend. Even though she didn't understand, I would just vent to her and she would just listen and wait until I was done. This seemed to work for us.