Overwhelmed mum of 3

[strugglestreet2018]

Hi everyone,

Do I have depression or anxieties? Or is it my life that is a mess.

where do I start? I have been a mum for almost 10 years. I quit my job to become a stay at home Mum. The old me was so fun and carefree and now I find myself to totally dislike who I have become. Since I quit my job (great job) I have taken up home duties and my husband has become the sole provider. We have seriously struggled for the past ten years some years have been easier than others whilst some have been extremely stressful. My husband has always worked hard and every decision he has made was for our best interest even though at times I have felt they weren’t the right way to go about things. I have three kids who I have yet to teach them to be obedient it seems. They don’t clean up after themselves. My house is a constant mess! But I m finding myself distressed and irritable all the time. Am I angry at something? Is it life circumstances causing me to be really angry or is it depression? We still struggle financially which stresses me out. When my kids argue I find myself going from 1 to 100 in seconds and I m hating myself for it. I find it very difficult to find joy in my life and so I constantly eat junk which is a vicious cycle because I gain weight and as such am unhappy. I feel lost like I can’t control our financial situation and can’t control my kids, can’t get on top of my house. Is it me? Am I just useless or do I need to seek help from my gp?

My main query I guess is I get so frustrated and angry so quickly that I feel like it’s an overreaction due to being so stressed about other factors. I wonder if it’s anxiety, depression or life circumstances. Either way I am not in control at all. I would never harm myself or my kids but I m so worried that my yelling every morning will damage my children someway.

[blondguy]

Hi Strugglestreet2018

Welcome and good on you for having the strength to post with us too!

I understand you as my daughter refused to help out with anything when she was in her early/mid teens.

I am not a doctor however I have had 34 years of anxiety/depression and I feel you are super frustrated and at your wits end going by what you have posted

Having a support person(s) is always a bonus so we have others that we can vent to. Do you have anyone that is 'there' for you?

From what you have posted I cant see any anxiety. Feeling distressed and irritable is a huge drain on how we feel. In a way you have answered your own question when you mentioned 'life circumstances'

I understand the way you feel as I used to fly off the handle way too quick. I never understood that I had too much on my plate and was having trouble coping....thus the quick reactions you mentioned you have

Whether its the financials or other matters its taking a toll on you (and your kids)

Can I ask if you have a GP that you can have a talk to? Usually a double appointment is a great start to clean the air and find some peace...However if you can only do a single appointment its still a good move 🙂

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by having a chat/cry to your doc.

The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post struggle

I hope you can post back when its convenient. There are many people in similar situations that can be here for you 🙂

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Quercus]

Hi Strugglestreet and welcome to the forums,

Wow I feel like I could have written parts of your post! Fellow stay at home Mum of 2, frequent banshee, no patience whatsoever, kids do as they please, hubby does the finance stuff, we're frugal and it really is draining being under pressure financially for so long.

The difference? I fell apart. Started feeling suicidal. Started planning. And asked for help at last. I've been diagnosed by my psychiatrist with major depression.

It is so easy for everyone (including doctors) to make excuses for the symptoms of depression.

Always tired? Of course you are you have 3 kids.

That sort of thing is frustrating because it stops us from asking for help. My psychiatrist says my anger and irritability (exactly as you described by the way) is a symptom of my depression.

So Paul is spot on. Time to see a doctor. Check out the K10 checklist on the beyondblue website (in "the facts"section) and try it. You can take the results to the GP if it helps.

Another thing I learnt recently is that every Mum should have an "hour of power". One hour every single day to yourself to recharge. I was told about this by a child health nurse who I trust. She says having time out a few times a week is not enough. We've gone from independent working women to. financially dependent stay at home Mums and it is really hard. You need regular time to be an adult. To do things you enjoy.

I thought that would be hard without money but a few days a week hubby takes the kids to a park while I go for my run and listen to music. I'm not getting a daily hour but even a few days a week regularly that I can rely on helps.

You're not alone in the slightest. For some reason women seem ashamed to admit they lose the plot at their kids. We're human!

Kids are wonderful but when you have them every day without a break they drive you up the wall. Mine don't listen to me either because they've worked out I yell but won't go near them when I'm angry. Basically they've realised I am all bark and no bite.

Is it going to mess them up one day? I have no idea. But I'm doing the best I can. And I'm still alive and trying and seeking help. Sometimes I think we need to be a little more forgiving of ourselves.

Please write if it helps you. Like Paul said there's no judgement here. We've been there too.

Nat

[therising]

Hi Strugglestreet2018

I hear where you're coming from. I'm also a stay at home Mum who faces financial challenge and who has been known to seriously overindulge in junk food. True, can't hurt to go to your GP for a multitude of reasons, including mental health. If you're feeling run down (which can also effect mood), having your b12 and iron levels checked is a good idea. I get shots every few months for B12 deficiency. Also, a few years back I saw GPs, complaining of serious fatigue, and they tended to brush me off proclaiming I was experiencing the effects of 'the challenges of motherhood'. Based on my snoring history, took myself to sleep apnea clinic where I was finally treated for obstructive sleep apnea. Due to poor sleep, my body was seriously craving energy and found it in junk food until I began treatment for OSA. Your cravings may possibly have some underlying cause. You just never know.

Drawing up a basic budget can have its benefits. Although a budget doesn't magically produce much needed money (I wish), it at least shows you when the tougher times are approaching, so they aren't quite as stressful when they arrive. Personally, I like to control money as much as I can instead of it controlling me. Its a juggling act.

As far as my kids go (aged 12 and 15), I actually make trades; if they clean up, I will act as their personal taxi for example. You have more power over them than you realise. Perhaps think of a few trades you can make with them. They may argue with you but stand strong.

An organised environment certainly helps to organise the mind a little. I find routine is key for me. By the way, I know I may sound like I've got it together but its not always the case. When you've got folk around you telling you about all the things you're doing 'wrong', it can leave you full of self-doubt and self-chastisement. I ended my identity crisis just yesterday by attending my 1st of many meditation sessions with some nice people. Gotta get back to me. I'm a spiritual gal who has lost my way a little (the path has been a little dark lately, until yesterday).

I believe managing involves a plan. If I ask myself 'How's your plan working?' and answer with 'What plan?' I know I have to recreate my plan for change.

Always remember, motherhood is such an incredibly important and valued 'career', downplayed by many these days. Mothers are carers, wish-granters, life coaches and more. We are the magic in the lives of many.

Sending love your way! Take care