ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

[Lavender7]

Hi Im new so hello to everyone.Ive been struggling for a long time with my mental health. I feel as though i wear a plastic mask to hide behind,Im anxious most of time and flat. People have no idea how bad I really feel and its exhausting coping around other people, I get agitated easily and the flat feeling is hard to hide Im sure alot of people dont like me but Im trying sooo hard to appear ok. Ive had mental illness on and off for 30years and I have always tried hard to help myself but Im in late 50s now and its getting harder to find things to join etc to aleviate my depression .I keep putting one foot in front of the other, mornings are the worst,nights are the best.

[PamelaR]

Hellow Lavender

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. People here are friendly, caring, supportive and respect individual's privacy. Life sounds so difficult for you.

I can completely relate to the 'mask' you wear. I had one all my working life. In fact, I see it was a role I put myself in when I entered the work building, then changed it as I walked out in the afternoon. To be honest, up until about 7-8years ago I would never display my emotions in front of my work colleagues.

It must have been so hard for you trying to manage yourself for 30 years. Wow. That is a feat Lavender. You really need to believe in yourself and how well you've done. It's incredible.

So, things are getting a little more difficult now I imagine. This is possibly due to range of reasons, e.g. change of life, just generally aging, life circumstances. They all add up and make our lives hard.

So some of the most important things I did 7-8 years ago (I'm 64 now) was visit my gp and tell her about my anxiety and depression. She referred me to a psychologist, who I saw for a couple of years.

That was the beginning, since then I had a breakdown partly because I believed in not taking medication. Having said that I'm not sure taking medication would have changed my circumstances.

I'm now successfully managing my PTSD, anxiety and depression. I use a range of different tools when I'm triggered, e.g.

• slowing my breathing
• mindfulness, meditation, grounding
• regular exercise
• socialising
• hobby (photography)
• staying active

Information about the above can be found by doing a google search - Anxiety Beyond Blue.

Would like to hear back from you whenever you are ready.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Ggrand]

Hello Lavender,

I would also like to welcome you to the Beyond Blue Forums..

I can relate to that mask, it's starting to get harder and harder to keep the mask on now..I think as I get older and I stay in more, it gets harder to pretend when I go out..

Lavender, I think you have done a great job managing your MH struggles yourself, I tried for many years and was okay for a while then I had a breakdown last year and decided I can't do this any more on my own. I decided to book a long appointment with my gp, I talked to her about my fears, feelings and thoughts..My gp listened and she gave me a referral to a psychologist, They made up a Mental Health care plan . and with the help of these professionals I am feeling more in control of my emotions.. Maybe Lavender, well maybe you could try to see your gp. It's really so very hard to do it on our own..

Distraction is my main coping tool that I use to keep my negative thoughts and anxiety away.. The ones Pamela gave you, she gave me also, and I use them and they help..I also do guided meditation at night followed by soft relaxing music..Through the day, I'll play internet games, put my phone music on, with earphones in and do my chores to music...

Theres so many different threads on the forums, Lavender that you might want to search, if you find something you relate to by all means join in the conversation if you feel to..We also have some threads on ....thread title ."grounding what is it and how do we do it " this helps to calm you when triggered.. title.".coping tools"....gives you ideas to coping. Just search these in the search bar on top of this page..There are heaps of different threads that you might relate to.

Wishing you some peace, and looking forward to hearing how your getting on.

Warm hugs,

Grandy.

[Lavender7]

PAMELA R AND GRANDY Thankyou both for replying I appreciate your understanding and lovely words. Ive got a good GP who understands me but there isnt a lot she can do really as Im already on AD she says I have Ptsd but I am going back to phycologist for few more sessions. Im lucky as I have job where I work an hr and half a day so it gets me out of house in the morning but I cant say I enjoy it however the money helps to survive. I have a son addicted to ice and in all honesty its shattered me,over the years ive accepted it but have been through so much trauma in the first few years especially. Its broken my heart and its so sad ,so that has impacted my mental health alot.I do try hard to help myself but the constant nervous feeling is hard and makes me tired.Im sorry you both had breakdowns and having had 2 myself when I was younger I know how much courage and perseverance it takes to get well again.Once again thanks I will take on board what you both said.Ive been and taken my dog for walk and today is the day im going to clean my car after a month of procrastinating.lol

[Ggrand]

Hello Lavender,

Thank you for your kind reply,

Im really so sorry to hear about your son..I can't even imagine how heartbroken you would be feeling..

Its good that your getting out daily for an hour and a half works, even though you don't enjoy it, it does get you out of the house daily. and gives a little extra cash...Which is really great to hear..Well done..

Its good that you took your dog for a walk..They certainly keep us busy and are great companions as well...May I ask what type of dog you have..I have two little doggies, that I love but they don't like walks...Good on you for cleaning your car, that's a hard job to do..

I hope you enjoy your day today,

Looking forward to talking some more.

Kind and caring thoughts (hugs if you like them).

Grandy..xx