Lost direction

[Comforteater]

I’m 41 years old and have been with my partner for 15 years. Three years ago I reconnected with some old friends. One of those friends is an ex casual boyfriend who I started having an affair with not too long after we reconnected. I’m not looking to start a new relationship from the affair but we have become very close and I enjoy that. While I feel so ashamed and guilty about the affair, it’s highlighted to me that there was/is something missing from my relationship. I thought my current partner was the love of my life but he also cheated on me a few years ago. I’m now at a point in my life where most of my friends are not around much as they’re understandably busy with young family life. When I do see them it’s always a formal prearranged meeting eg. A bar, cafe etc or their family is around, so both scenarios I often feel like I can’t be open with them. Plus I’m not sure they’d understand. I also hate my job but am a slave to the salary. I want to end my relationship as I’m so lonely and feel it’s over. While I always thought he was the love of my life, there’s no animosity between us and we are best friends, it just doesn’t feel like a loving relationship anymore. Plus we haven’t had any sex for over a year now. I feel like such a loser to my family and friends to end my relationship. Like I’ve failed. I don’t feel like myself anymore, my self esteem and confidence are at a low and I’m just stuck in a rut. I guess I’m here because I don’t really know where to start at making a change for the better. I’ve no idea what to tackle first. Anyway, I do know that I’m so lonely, bored, unhappy, exhausted and I want to make a change and fall in love again. If anyone would have me! While I don’t feel depressed at all, I do know it’s not right to feel sad and stressed about this all the time, yet I haven’t changed anything for the better. I just keep the vicious cycle going. How do I get motivation to make a change in my life and get some positivity back?

[blondguy]

Hello Comforteater

Welcome...and thankyou for having the courage to post with us!

You are no loser Comfort. You are pro-active with your well being by being on the forums. You have been through some bad times for sure. Being in a rut can be a dark place to be in. Most of the people on the forums will understand what you have been going through.

Sometimes we have so much on our 'plate' that we dont know which way to turn. Not to mention the longer we stay in our rut it seems harder to get out of too. I understand you

You are being super hard on yourself though. I see an amazing person that has temporarily lost their way that is doing it hard.

May I ask if you have a couple of people that you can lean on? Having a support network is a huge help when we are stuck....even if its one person that we can have a 'vent' to

The lack of intimacy can always be a pain too as we all need some close time with our partner

I know you dont have depression as per your post. Can I ask if you have a GP that you get along with? I know its sounds simple but a double appointment with a GP can take the weight off your shoulders

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so...The GP's have better training nowadays on when we feel this way. I still see my doc every 4 weeks for a 'fine tune'

What do you think?

My kind thoughts for you

Paul