G’day Peter. I get ya 💯. I’m an old bloke now, all kids gone, divorced, completely isolated, no income (only just started ‘Job Seeker’, haven’t worked since 2021, no assets. Ridiculed from existence by family, friend and associates. Savings running out too quickly. My ‘backup’ plan took ages to come up with. Longer to go through the Pro’s Con’s forever and ever. A year later and some 13 detailed spreadsheets endlessly checking numbers, changing and always worse case scenario. Changing BS figures into real expenses and removing transient pretend ‘mowing lawns’ income.
I’ve concluded ‘good idea’ and also ‘bad idea’ so many times. I have an inherent ‘problem’ (poor word) with impulsivity. So I’ve tried to take it slow. It is a life decision. All my ‘mental features) worked very well in business, absolutely crap in Personal life. Neither of which I have now. Well, I see my adult sons once a month for an hour over lunch which is nice. The only social contact I have. I sit here writing having not showered or changed clothes for a week. Eating? What’s that? Managed 3 or so hours sleep last night, best I’ve had in a few days. Woke up 1am with nightmares again… same as the last 30days. What to do? I get up (struggle but better than pondering this stuff for the next 6hrs in bed - torture 101) and get myself really really busy somehow. I force feed my hypomania. Get it going to forget other crap. Focus on everything and anything super intensely, it stops all the other crap in my head. On the computer, open emails, research the crap out of everything, have I-pad going, iPhone google, TV on ……and next thing I know it’s the next night after midnight. A good couple dozen beers down, or a bottle of whatever, tolerance so high I can’t really feel them anymore. Too scared to sleep (as now at 1.30am).
Quite confusing after multiple days, no idea if it is AM or PM nor day, nor if I’ve taken meds or if I should take morning or night meds. I’m stuffed. Been bashed too many times. It’s survival mode now. I’ve risen from the ashes several times over the years, but after trying for the last 5years, unfortunately I must admit it is what it is and I must go into survival mode.
Reason for my reply is my ‘backup plan’ is as you are doing. Buy a caravan, Ute to tow it and try to exist as best possible. OR keep renting and run out of money in a few years and on the streets. People suggest garbage like ‘stupid depreciating asset’ and all that…. well I’m not buying it as an ‘asset’ in the financial sense, rather a carefully planed (I hope) ‘asset’ to ensure I have a roof over my head moving forward. I own it and if reeeeaaalllly necessary I’ll go park in the backstreets of nowhere for a bit. As you say, move to the next street. Better still a boat ramp (toilets), surf club area/beach (toilet and shower for the beach).
Other option is - remain naive and pretend I’ll get a former high paying job and rise from the ashes again whist paying rent weekly…… nah, not happening. Took me a good 5years to resolve in my head, not hate myself, disguised and ashamed - don’t worry I still have all that, part of why I can’t sleep and use ‘maladaptive coping skills’. But I can’t kid myself. It kicks me so hard that after all these years and the heights I achieved - all nothing now. I am no-one. No-one even thinks of me, ever. But IF I maintain the delusional mentality of resurrection, well my prediction (Excel spreadsheet shows me) I will be living on the streets in a cardboard box at 60y.o. (If I make it).
A real pisser and I 💯 get ya mate. I’ve just gotta do what I gotta do for as long as I can…. Don’t like it but nor do I like a cardboard box. No-idea if that anecdote helps, other than I get ya mate. Post anytime.
