Newbie hello: I'm sad, lonely and don't know how this will get better

[lozs]

Hiiii.... I'm new here.... I've been struggling with depression for about a long time, I've had counselling on and off, dealing with family issues, first marriage break up (I was married to a liar and cheat) and now infertility. Over the years I've moved a lot and over time, I've lost a lot of friends due to moving, I basically no longer have a social circle, just my husband and a couple of friends. I have a small family and we aren't close. I rely on my husband and best friend a lot. The other thing that seems to be getting worse is my energy levels and fatigue. I don't socialise because being with other people in social situations takes a lot of effort, I'm exhausted from it the next day and feel like I can only socialise every couple of weeks because of this. I wish I could reach out to other people and tell them how I'm feeling, but because I have few friends that I trust, I can't. I broke off ties with a lot of friends because they were toxic, vacuous people who frustrated me. The older you get, the harder it is to make real authentic friendships. I will seek counselling again but I honestly don't see how this will get better for me. I'm worried that when I become a mother, I won't be able to cope. Most of all, I don't want to put this all on my husband and wear him out. I work from home and often I just walk around the house crying.

[Tamw]

Hi this is my very first post. I’m 42 and a mum to a 13 year old. I’ve had depression for the better part of my life. I’m adopted and I’ve had major family issues, so we are not close. I literally have no friends as I lost them all when my struggles came to light. I work full time and nobody at work knows my real story. I put on a brave act for my daughter and pretty much battle with myself every day. I cry every night. I’ve tried everything psychologists, psychologist and every medication under the sun. I made the decision to stop therapy as it made me really sad, talking about things. Im so sorry this hasn’t helped you. But just know there are others struggling every day. Like you, I’m so lonely, depressed and at times hanging by a thread.

I hope things get better for you.

[Hope19]

Hi There,

I too know the feeling of loneliness all too well, I don't suffer from depression but I do get bouts of anxiety after a bad marriage break up which seen him divide an conquer friends which left me in a very isolated location with no friends apart from my best friend who is also my hubby. Sadly he has had to move away for work but I'm still stuck and cant leave due to parental care arrangements for my children (I need permission to move which isn't forthcoming). I have been to therapy and am trying to overcome the anxiety through meditation and breathing methods and also thought diffusion. I have also had to make myself leave the house and get outside (I have concerns for my personal safety due to a mentally unstable ex and his partner) but I'm stuck and can't move on in life or move away and having my hubby away is a struggle, a real everyday struggle, you could almost say I am mourning a relationship breakdown but I am not, just the feeling of being lost and lonely and all alone.

There are a few ideas and tips to help both you lozs and also you tamw that you may find helpful, I don't know but I am working hard to keep my head held high and take each day as it comes, I don't look back and I try my best to no look forward, just day by day. I hope you both can find a way to do the same.

Take care and stay safe

[Hezzie]

Hi Tamw

Your post made me feel really really sad. You sound just like me, I suffer with depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. I've recently added OCD to my list too. I am 36 (soon to be 37), a wife and mother to two beautiful children aged 7 (boy) and 3 (girl). I have just had 3 weeks off work as I let myself get so low that I got to a point where I really honestly thought I would be better off out of everyones lives. But then I didn't do anything about it as I felt too guilty about putting my children and family through such an ordeal so then went on to feel guilty about, well, feeling guilty!

Its a vicious cycle, I have tried everything, medication, psychologists, CBT, counsellors, group work, alcohol, nothing worked so I just decided this is who I am and didn't speak about my feelings to anyone at all.

I've recently read a book though which has really given me some hope and at the very least, helped me to feel a little bit brighter. Its called 'God for the Rest of Us' by Vince Antonucci.

Now I know that if you are an Atheist you are not going to try and find this book. Or if you are a non believer you are not going to read this book. I have to say though, as someone who is in the same position and has literally tried every other direction, its worth a shot...

I got it on audio and the guy reading it is American and reads it really well. I listen to it when I'm struggling with spaghetti thoughts at night or on my way into work in the car (it takes me 90 mins to and from work so I have a lot of time to kill).

Good luck everyone and more importantly take care of yourselves