Hello, I am Mira.

[Miraa]

Hi, I'm Mira. This is my first time joining and contributing to BeyondBlue.

I am 21. I have been sexually assaulted by two people in my lifetime, and violated by one. My first assault was when I was 16, then 20 and 21 respectively. Before this, I faced a lot of domestic abuse at home. Which physically only stopped a few years ago.

These are the probably the biggest reasons that resulted in my deterioration. But along the way, there are so many other extreme life events I have surpassed.

I am truly grieving, not too much of what happened, but I feel I am prevented from healing. I am not in a position to access therapy. And I have been kept dependent so I can not leave. I don't have a job, or know how to drive, or how to survive if I immediately left.

All my abusers are independent from each other. And no one in my personal life knows of these abuses.

I temporarily attended free counselling, in secret, and over my holiday she unexpectedly left her job. Deep down inside, I felt, I finally opened up to somebody and it drove her off.

At this point in my life, I am just a carcass moving around. I have lost all sense of self. All joy. All motivation. All concentration. The intellectual fire in me. Who could I have been if I had a good personal support system and could access services to help me?

If you're out there reading this. What took you down? What makes you keep going? How do you make peace with your reality, especially if you are stuck in a place?

With love,

Mira

[white knight]

Hi Mira, you are one special lady. More on that later. I'm not all that qualified to comment a lot about your events.

However, in general, I am qualified to comment in general about moving on and achieving, making your life great, filled with optimism because, you have that ability.

Google

Beyondblue Topic 30 minutes can change your life

Beyondblue Topic he helped me for 25 years Maharaji

Beyondblue Topic the good Samaritan

Beyondblue Topic the frog and the scorpion

Beyondblue Topic confidence how do you get it?

I hope you google those and read the first post of each.

Happy to discuss further. You'll love the community here.

You said at the end of your post "love Mira"...aimed at strangers like me. To have endured your ordeals then to show love and care to others...please dont under estimate your qualities as a human being.

You are special.

TonyWK

[Miraa]

Hi Tony WK!

Thank you. Your response drew a big smile on my face.

I appreciate that you took the time to reference helpful posts for me to read. I absolutely will go on to do that now, and get back to you.

Thank you for your very kind words.

And I'll let you on a little secret. You are the real special one!

I hope you have a happy week!

With love,

Mira

[Miraa]

Hi Tony,

Thank you for directing me to those posts, I read all of them and they all had lovely things to take away from them.

I think the one that struck me the most was the story about the scorpion and the frog. The reflection about what is our nature. But prominently how you came to a closing with “be wary about who you oblige”.

Embarrassingly, I’ve been as dumb as the frog when he was aware the scorpion’s nature is to sting yet naively believed when the scorpion said otherwise.

I found the last post a bit conflicting though. The one of confidence. It is undoubtedly the best decision to avoid toxic people altogether, but does that really count as true confidence to hide from them? Aside from extreme people obviously, but what about someone who just makes unnecessary comments? Or someone who hurt your feelings once upon a time. Isn’t there a way to build confidence where those things don’t affect you anymore? Or cease to inspire a reaction? Does that exist or does it always hurt whether you or not you have confidence?

What do you think?

And Tony the White Knight, how are YOU?

With love,

Mira

[geoff]

Hello Miraa, and a warm welcome to you.

Tony has given you such a lovely reply and I also want to thank him so much in doing so.

What has happened to you is indescribable and very much regrettable and may have caused you to lose any motivation, because of how you’re feeling so you need to find people you feel comfortable talking to and who can encourage you to begin a new and different life.

Coping with these issues that affect your self-confidence may seem difficult at first, but trying will help your motivation, it's not easy to begin with, because there have been many unpleasant incidences, and I do feel so very sorry for you.

Remember it’s easier to do something because you want to, rather than you wanting to avoid a particular outcome if you don’t do it if you know what I'm trying to say, in other words, if you don’t have a positive plan, and you use negative thoughts then this is not going to help you.

If someone has hurt you, then the first thing is to look after yourself, don't blame yourself in any way, you have your opinion and so do they, and if they don't agree, then think nothing of it, it doesn't mean that they are better or worse off than you, they are just someone else, you know what you want and that's what counts, that's your personality which may change over time as life experiences teach us.

Are you seeing any therapist at the moment?

Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi Mira

How am I? Thays being very considerate, an amazing gift you have. A good reason to like yourself , considering what you've been through.

I'm well though my lovely wife woke me as I was having quite a nightmare, common lately. But I dont dwell on the things I have no control.

Your question- should we learn to adapt/face our negative contacts with humans (critical comments and general toxicity) rather than seemingly walking away, learning to avoid?

From my experience, as I'm extremely sensitive, is that that sensitivity is part of my "frog" nature and our nature is not pliable enough. Where you can have movement then go for it but having expectations often that you should will make you disappointed. The commonality of toxic people for us is too much to bare.

Hence a "safe place" is created.

Beyondblue Topic fortress of survival

Beyondblue Topic fortress of survival part 2

You can also develop replies in readiness of abrasive interactions

Beyondblue Topic wit- the only answer to torment

Beyondblue Topic the labyrinth of friendships

Like lots of things we should seek our comfort zone as an ultimate goal a mix of developing skills that weren't learnt when young to defend ourselves and protect us to retreating when those challenges cannot be met at all but the latter, accepting its ok to retreat...it isnt us that is our problem, its how society is structured. ..still a dog eat dog world.

Beyondblue Topic only the strongest survive- make it you!

I havent mentioned your inner power yet. Individuals have inner power hugely untapped. Your inner self, unique, a one off untapped resource that you could connect with. Re: "How do you make peace with your reality, especially if you are stuck in a place? -

Beyondblue Topic the best praise you'll ever get

Beyondblue Topic defending yourself, dont be an easy target

So standing up for yourself is important if you can, and retreating should be measured enough to survive but not to an over reactive point

Beyondblue Topic want to be a hermit?

But the main thrust of the answers you seek to your future is in a locked vault derp within you. Only you can find the key....reach for it...

Beyondblue Topic inner peace, the glory of being YOU.

Fair bit of reading there. 🙂

TonyWK