Hi im very new this and have not been to see a doctor or any help as yet. Ive been through alot over the last 30 years and now Im at a point where I am just not coping. After reading about depression I believe that this is what is happening (or admitting) to me. To cut a long story short, Im 50 in a few months. When I was 23 I went into early menopause causing 9 years of infertility the upside I have a beautiful daughter, i was diagnosed with hashimotis thyroiditis hypothyroidism, my husband I worked with was difficult we were together for 23 years, mum died 2003, my 3 elderly cats died and my cockatoo Id had for 43 yrs died too, my divorce was a long 4 year Battle 07 -2011 and now share care 50/50 with a difficult ex, my dad died 2013, my close aunt died, my siblings arent close anymore since my parents died. I was always saving my older sister but 2 years ago I just didnt have the energy to help her anymore and I've lost contact with her now from talking everyday to nothing we were very close. Feeling exhausted in 2014 I left my full time job and sold my house I owned. Im trying to run my business and because Im exhausted Ive been diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. Although MY holistic GP changed my diet which has helped me physically my mind and mood is no better. I hybernate at home, dont find happiness In anything any more. I used to be so energetic and full of enthusiasm but now I dont care and waste my days on the lounge. Ive not been to the beach for 10 years and its 5 mins from my house. The only thing that I love is travel but I cant always do that I have work and responsibilities. I feel trapped, I hate where I live but I have to stay as my daughter has 3 years till end of yr 12 to go. Yesterday I had a melt down, I upset my daughter cause I said Id be better off dead, although Id not do anything to myself, I know its not right to say this. But I just dont know how to keep going and as Ive no one to help me or support me or talk too. I do have friends but they arent close and the image I portray is a successful independent woman, I dont show any weakness. I just feel I cant cope with life as it is any more Im struggling to do the simplest of house work or cook. Im caught in a vicious circle - Im to tired to work full-time but Im sabotaging my own business and financially going backwards. I know I have to do something but what.. thanks for listening
