New and nervous

[jalebi]

Hi...i have untreated depression and anxiety....i cant go to any social gatherings and i cant communicate / talk to people. I dont have any friends (people i say hello to but no one who visits/rings me) my family dont even contact me..i feel like i am always making an effort to get people to "like me" but have no luck. I feel embarrassed to go to a dr...i got a mental health plan months ago...no direction given as to what to do with it so still unused...my husband is 'over it' and i dont have his support..in fact i have been told to keep it to myself..great hey...he can be supportive...on his terms. I do really love him and believe he loves me (although i wonder how anyone could) Cant blame him totally as my head has been messed up for years..my first time talking to anyone at all...

[Zetta]

Hi Jalebi,

Firstly welcome and goodnon you for reaching out!! It's not easy reaching out. I have been on here for almost a year and these forums has been my saving grace from time to time!!

I know it can be hard at times. Your mental health plan you can use for therapy like seeing a psychologist and being able to get help from them. I personally haven't started therapy yet as my schedule is very demanding with my children.

My husband finds it hard supporting me too at the start of my journey last year. Things have improved over the last year as we have discovered how we can improve my down times and we're talking more freely over what bothers me. Of course there's thing from my past I just can't bear to share with him and at times I want to. I'm planning on starting counselling this year as soon as school starts again.

I hope some of this helps you. I have found a few hobbies to help me deal with my blue days. It also helped me that my dad suffers from depression and I can chat to him too. Which helps a lot.

I would suggest that you find a GP that your comfortable talking to. As I have found that my GP is also a great person I can talk to. He really cares about me and every time I see him he asks me: How are you doing? The first few times I didn't realise he was asking if i'm OK. But after a few times he asked me how I was and I know he's asking if I am OK!! And that I must say helps me a lot too. Knowing that he is there if I can't get in to see a counsellor/ psychologist.

Sorry for the long post.

Much Love,

Zetta

[Croix]

Dear Jalebi
As Zetta says it’s not easy reaching out, but as you are finding already this place has people that have been down just about every path and take pleasure in giving a hand to those that follow

I can relate to your feelings about social gatherings, talking to people, embarrassment (very much) and lack of direction in treating my mental health

Just so you know who you’re talking to at the moment, I'm an ex-policeman who was invalided out of the force with PTSD and anxiety/depression, - though I'm far better now and it is away in the past. I got though with help

Zetta is spot on that you need to find a GP you can talk to, who will listen and help with getting on with the health plan. My big mistake was trying to soldier on without proper help. Because my case built up over time and I suffered physical ailments as a result, they were treated, the root causes un-diagnosed. That meant later on treatment was much harder

If you don’t mind me saying so there’s one thing that comes across in your words, a sense that your do not feel ‘worthy’, - your self-esteem is at rock bottom. This is not you talking – it is the depression/anxiety.

Unfortunately the illness skews thinking and the world becomes a place where you have shrunken to insignificance, and your wants and needs not worth others’ time

I felt this way, a burden to my family, not having any meaningful opinions, a waste of space to the world. That has gone (well mostly ) and I have the peace and self-confidence of anyone else now

As you have treatment and a measure of self-worth returns you will find people will react differently to you. Patience I’m afraid

We have information available via The Facts menu (towards the top of the page) on Anxiety & Depression: causes, symptoms, treatments. You might care to read it

Family support is a great hep – I was lucky and had a very supportive partner. Is there anyone in your family you can talk to? Parents, siblings, whomever? Perhaps in time when you start formal treatment the matters between your husband and yourself will improve. While I may be way off base in some cases the partner just feels powerless to do anything and brushes it off as a result

If you ever want a voice to talk to please ring our help line 1300 22 4636 where there are friendly non-judgmental knowledgeable professionals. You are welcome there.

Please do keep posting and tell more about yourself. You will be assured of a warm reception

My best wishes

Croix

[Starwolf]

Hi Jalebi, welcome to the forums.

Kudos to you for taking the plunge and sharing your concerns with us. It is not easy and takes courage. What concerns me is that you are trying to struggle alone with something that is affecting negatively every area of your life. It requires professional help. Depression and anxiety are medical conditions and should be regarded and treated as such. You deserve to reclaim some quality of Life and peace of mind.

Being put on a mental health plan means you are entitled to 10 subsidized therapist appointments. Whether medication comes into it or not is for your doctor to decide. If the plan used by time has elapsed, then starting again with another GP appointment would be the first step towards healing. If there is something you don't understand about the plan, please do not hesitate to ask questions. You are also entitled to answers.

Mental conditions are mostly misunderstood because they can't be explained in terms of reason and logic. People feel out of their depth, have no idea how to respond so choose to withdraw or shrug it all off. They often end up saying/doing unhelpful things. It doesn't mean they don't love you.

If you go along with the health plan, your husband would be given the opportunity to have a chat with your therapist. Once a proper diagnosis has been made, professional advice is usually taken seriously. I hope you can make a start ASAP. Embarrassment can be left outside the surgery. Rest assured the doctor will have heard/seen it all before...and some more. No need to feel ashamed of something which is happening to you but not caused by you. Just like diabetes or heart blood pressure issues, for example. The fact that it affects the mind doesn't mean it has anything to do with weakness or some flaw of character. It does not.

You are in no way to blame.

If you find face to face conversation too daunting, you could write down your thoughts, feelings and concerns and hand this over to the GP, or even to a receptionist before your appointment. This approach has helped many get necessary help. You can take your time writing, editing as much and as often as you feel necessary. It will help clarify thoughts to yourself and avoid emotional outbursts and fumbling for words. It will save you feeling put on the spot.

Please take good care of yourself. No need to settle for more of the same distress. You deserve much better than that...and all the care and TLC you can get.

Kindest thoughts.