New here, trying to work out who to talk to or how to process the mess my life is.

[Guest17]

Hi there,

Have hit a pretty low ebb in life, not sure whether I am legitimately depressed. I don't even know where the line between anxiety and depression is, and for the most part what I feel is numb. I'm turning 45 on Monday, have 50/50 custody of my 17yo son who is awesome. His mum and I separated 10 years ago (my decision) and I have had a string of disastrous relationships since. My latest was to stupidly get involved with a married woman I worked with. Other staff found out and assumed I had sleazed onto her (she was very much the instigator), and I wore the heat for two years afterwards while she left the company. I was made redundant in June which was pretty traumatic and sudden, and I now find myself working night shifts alone 9 nights a fortnight. The married woman still lives with her husband, claims she ended the relationship two years ago which I don't believe at all.....but every time I try to extricate myself she loses the plot, has resorted to driving past my home in the middle of the night and calling and messaging me constantly. I feel trapped and alone. My friends and family have distanced themselves from me as a result of this mess and I don't really know where to turn these days. I am the first to own the mistake I made in getting involved here, but don't know how to recover my life, my feelings of worth or my self-respect. This woman now claims to have been diagnosed with MS and that lingering doubt still exists that she may be telling the truth.....turning my back seems a horrible thing to do if she is telling the truth. Feeling like a real idiot to be honest. Just punch drunk and not knowing who to talk to or how to process the mess my life is.

[geoff]

hi Guest, thanks for posting your comment and welcome to the site.
Can I ask you to do the K 10 which you can google, but do it several times all at different times of the day, it will give you a score which can help you determine whether or not you're depressed, it's just a guide which you can take to your doctor when you decide to go, and if it's a high score then please make an appointment.
You're in an unfortunate situation 'in more ways than one', but your not sure whether she has MS or not, or whether it's a cry for attention, I hope that she doesn't, but at the moment that's not what you have to consider, because if she is married and her husband finds out then you're not sure what he may do, but am I right, that you do a feeling for her, because one thing is that her marriage maybe going through some difficulty.
To know that if someone has a crush on you, you feel 10 foot tall, plus she would be on your mind 24/7, and deciding whether it's yes or no must be driving you crazy, so what worries you the most the loss of family/friends or not seeing this lady who obviously has a feeling for you.
Maybe there could be a warning here, from what I've learnt is that affairs with a married person are exciting to begin with but in the end it turns out to be messy, love is such a complicated word with so many different meanings.
Your son will be turning 18 soon so he will be able to do what he wants, so I wonder if you have talked to him about your current situation. Geoff.

[Guest17]

Hi Geoff, thanks for your reply mate.

I just did the K10 test, had never heard of it before, and scored 41.....which doesn't look great 😞

I don't think excitement is something I've ever really felt in this, perhaps moments of it, but not generally. This woman came to me and expressed her feelings and it made me realize I cared for her. I regret anything physical happening, and I put a stop to that a long time ago. There were many conversations early on where I asked about the state of her marriage and I did attempt to help her to find solutions to their problems. She was quite single-minded though in saying it was over and that she wanted to be with me. Actions do speak louder than words though, and she is still in the house with him (claiming they live separated), and we see less and less of each other. Yes I care, but that doesn't mean I have ever wanted to break up a family. I'd simply like to be able to move on with life and feel that I can't do that. Friends have suggested an intervention order, but without going into massive detail, that isn't really a possibility. There are things I have seen which suggest her MS claim could be true, and of course that makes it very hard to turn my back. No I haven't spoken to my son about much of it. He knows she exists of course, has met her, but knows nothing of her situation. What a mess eh.