New and frankly feeling a little hopeless

BluInk · ‎05-01-2017

Over the last 6 months I've been involved in a 5 car pile up ( my car was written off and I was injured) been part of a administration/liquidation and lost 21k in owed salary, leave, super and entitlements, Jane been unable to find work, and recently was told by my long term partner that she wasn't happy and she was leaving me that evening. Prior to these events I was already trying to overcome PTSD, depression and anxiety with exercise, mindfullness and social engagement with moderate success - off medication. Since the breakup I've been insular, hopeless and not sleeping, and it feels like these recent setbacks are just part of a snowball of several misfortunes that add up across the last 7 years. I haven't taken medication for many years but I'm feeling like I need to, as I'm both depressed and also having physical anxiety attacks. I'll be seeing my GP soon, but wondering if there is anyone who knows whether the SSRIs or related new drugs still have all the bad side effects they used to?

blondguy · ‎05-01-2017

Hello BluInk

Welcome and good on you for posting too

Im sorry to read about your car accident and its severe repercussions...not a good place to be in Blu

I was always anti-meds until my depression became that bad my female GP kicked me very hard and I have been on my SSRI for 21 years now.

The anxiety is only a memory now and the depression is manageable.

Side effects do vary from person to person as you know but weighed up with the long term detrimental effects of anxiety/depression etc starting the meds 21 years ago was a smart move. My career performance actually picked up a lot too as a result 🙂

There may have been some psychosomatic symptoms or being anxious taking them initially but the only side effect that bugged me initially was a small degree of cloudiness.....this only lasted a few weeks though. The anxiety disappeared after 3 days on taking the AD's...that was a huge bonus.

Well done for self managing though Blu. I did the same for 13 years and actually became slowly worse using the same techniques as yourself.

The meds arent a total fix...they do provide us with a solid foundation on which we can use those coping mechanisms more effectively and rebuild our 'tired minds'

There are wonderful people on the forums that can be here for you....even if you just want a chat or a good vent

you are definitely not alone here

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

songbird345 · ‎05-01-2017

Hi Blulnk,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been having a hard time. That sounds like ALOT to deal with and sometimes excercise and meditation just doesn't cut it, especially when you're prone to depression. Regarding your question about SSRI's ..YES they still have the side effects.

I really hope things start looking up for you soon.

SB xx

songbird345 · ‎05-01-2017

Maybe you could try a different class of AD?

BluInk · ‎05-01-2017

Thank you songbird345 I will bring that up. I Have a new doctor and she may have some perspective on that.

BluInk · ‎05-01-2017

Thanks for your kind words Paul, I am feeling particularly desolate and hopeless right now. Most especially about my partner disclosing she wasn't going to support me through these latest setbacks and no longer loves me. It is more poignant than usual because she was the love of my life and the first healthy relationship in 47 years, so now I am distraught that everything I thought was wrong with me (but actually finally hoped wasn't because she was a true gift and I finally was in agreat relationship) is actually wrong with me. I feel like all my work and focus of the last 7 years on all parts of my life has actually been for nothing and that this reinforces how much of a failure I always was and have made of my life. All the setbacks have really worn me down (I didn't even mention the professional bullying case that resulted in widespread slander of my reputation in my industry and emergency surgery from a related haemorrhage. This happened a couple of years ago and once HR was made aware of the full liability of the department and the manager involved, they slammed a NDA in front of me and threw money at me to make me (and it) go away. She had several previous prior bullying claims against her and was being protected. It not only affected a reputation I'd built over many years, it broke me physically and the surgery left me infertile.

There seems a finality to everything this time like I should just accept I'm a failure at my career, love and life. I feel really broken by it all and I'm now convinced it must be some fatal fundamental issue with me. Especially since it seems to have got harder and harder to achieve positive life changes, despite working harder at everything I should. I'm so lost and feel so small.

Sorry for the blurt, I just thought someone else may have experienced something similar.

Zeal · ‎05-01-2017

Hi BluInk,

I've read through this thread, and I'm glad you've come here for support. No longer being supported by your partner is rough, so it's good that you are reaching out. Do you have family or close friends who are supportive? Even just one person being supportive can make a positive difference. Keep seeing your doctor, and maybe you will get referred to a mental health professional too. My personal situation is quite different from yours. I'm 23 and still live at home. I've had anxiety/OCD for 10 years, and I've been to see GP's, psychologists and two psychiatrists in the past. A few of these professionals have genuinely helped me get back on my feet.

There are free online resources I recommend often here on the forum, as they are designed by mental health professionals. They complement, not replace, in-person support/treatment. Here are the links on the Centre for Clinical Interventions site relevant for you:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=37 (depression)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=44 (panic/anxiety attacks)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46 (anxiety)

http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/ (this is a broad mental health resource site)

Whenever you feel vulnerable or need to talk to someone, you can call the 24/7 Beyondblue helpline on 1300 22 4636. If you experience suicidal thoughts, Lifeline is 24/7 on 13 11 14.

Keep talking here on the forum!

Best wishes,

Zeal

BluInk · ‎05-01-2017

Thanks Zeal

Wow you've been managing so well from such a young age, and obviously got your sh#t and tools together much earlier than many of us. Kudos.

Thanks for the links. Will definitely check them out. I have a therapist but she is quite far away and since my car was written off I uber everywhere.

I think sleep is underated sometimes: I just had a knock out sleep for the first time in weeks with no nightmares and feel 100%.

Also had a chat to some family who are being excellent. I know that's more than some have. 🙃

Great advice. Thanks

BluInk · ‎05-01-2017

...and thanks for the update on how getting back on the right meds has helped with your career. That is good to hear and I'm thinking I should pursue this so I'll speak to my GP

Also I think sleep is underated: I just had a knock out sleep for the first time in weeks with no nightmares and feel 100%

Thanks again for making the night less dark.

blondguy · ‎06-01-2017

Hi BluInk

Thankyou for replying and the huge compliments (always great to receive)

I did read in your first post that your girlfriend wasnt happy and took an 'easier' route....away from you.....Even reading that broke my heart and we dont know eachother. It doesnt mean that I cant understand and share your grief and pain you have and are going through Blu

I can hear exhaustion and a very tired and overwhelmed person with a huge heart that has been recently shattered....( I was dumped in early 2015....and oh my....it hurt....a lot)

There are some people that dont like the early (and short term) side effects...which to me were so minor I can only remember the one I mentioned in my post above. I used to have acute anxiety which has dissipated and now manageable depression with 6 weekly GP follow ups....I never knew a GP could be such a great help to my health while working in management/corporate.

Great job with your sleep by the way :-)....Still one of natures best healers....of the mind & body..Our sleep can dictate not only how we feel the next day but our performance as well.

I dont see a failure reading your posts Blu....whether in life...love..or career...I can feel a 'tired mind' that has been left high & dry where relationships are concerned....and a shocker of a car wreck....What does shine through is a pro-active and kind person that has had the crap knocked out of them....badly...but still temporarily...

you are not on your own here BluInk....I also fully understand where HR stand where an employee's health is concerned........and its not with the employee or anything human......their loyalty lies with the directorate.

Just to re-cap on the meds...Whether its a serious physical issue or a psychological one.....you have so much to gain and absolutely nothing to lose by re-building your foundations using them. (combined with regular GP/counsellor visits of course) 🙂

I see my SSRI's as 'invisible crutches'......seriously

Great to talk to you again BluInk....(pls excuse the mega post)

you are not alone

Paul