Never posted before, hope this helps

[Johnc2019]

Hi,

I'm a 29 y/o male and I don't really know how to phrase this message, but I thought I need to do something. I'm constantly unhappy in my life, but by looking at me you would never know. I'm usually the life of the party and the one that seemingly shows the most happiness around others - I want to be liked and have developed myself around that persona. I hit a tipping point recently (which led me to post this). I got off the phone with my wife and during our conversation I almost came to tears - I had to hold it back, which was incredibly hard and it was over absolutely nothing. I've never thought much of it because I had a good upbringing and don't have anything really to complain about, so I feel bad even considering that I should have anyone devote attention to me - "like what the hell is wrong with you, you have nothing to complain about". But I find over the years I've relied on alcohol more and more particularly when really unhappy or anxious (I have had an anxiety attack in the past), but have also thought I can suck it up, it'll pass (and it usually does, I feel less unhappy some days than others and some i even feel happy), but I always turn to alcohol to get me through the hard times. To date it's never impacted my work and I function extremely well at work - in fact I have a great job that I'm good at and pays well. I've started to drink more and more though which long term compounds the issue I think.

Do I have a problem? I guess I just want perspective and context - is this normal? Should I suck it up (and I'm ok if the answer is yes)?

I've never spoken to anyone about this or ever posted online.

[Quercus]

Hi JohnC2019 and welcome. Sorry it has taken a while for you to receive a reply.

It is great that you have reached out here for reassurance and support. From experience I know the worst thing we can do is keep bottling all the worries inside and saying nothing.

A good place to begin is trying the K10 checklist which is a basic test which can help give you an idea of whether what you are feeling is possibly anxiety or depression. You can find it here...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10
Taking the results to your GP and showing them to people who love you is a solid plan too. If you book a double appointment with your doctor you won't feel as rushed and printing the test results and your post here allows you to give the doctor the information they need if you find it hard to start talking (many do).

You are not remotely alone in starting to reach for a coping mechanism (booze) but it isn't a healthy way and can lead to more issues later on. There is no judgement here whatsoever because we all tend to cope however we can... If I could drink I probably would... Instead my vice is sugar.

I hope this gives you at least some idea of how to start talking about how you are struggling. There is nothing wrong with feeling unwell... What matters is you start getting the support you need.

I hope you feel able to return and talk some more.

Nat

[geoff]

Hi John, it does take courage to post a comment to people you don't know but pleased you have.

People believe that having an alcoholic drink will help them feel more relaxed and yes this is true, but then you have people like yourself and exactly what I also did was use alcohol as a way of self medicating ourselves.

You ask us if there is a problem, and although we can't diagnose you as we're not qualified but from past experience can I say yes, it's no different to how I was trying to cope while I was in depression.

You have to realise that if you are drinking more each day there are 2 things I would suggest for you to do, and the first is to let your wife know, although there is a chance she might know, and the second is to see your GP.

Another problem and sorry, is that you may eventually want to have a drink while you're working, so consider if your doctor wants to give you some time off work and have counselling to try and find out why you are feeling like this.

You must never feel guilty about crying, I've done it more times than I can think of, it's an emotion that needs to be released, and holding it back will make you feel worse.

You will notice in the doctor's and psychologist's room there is always a box of tissues, they have been so handy for me and I have no qualms if I want to cry or should you John.

This is just a short reply to let you know that we understand exactly what you are going through and hope that you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[Lellsus]

I'm no expert but I did my first post today so I feel like I should give back to this community by giving back with a reply.

I would say that if you are feeling teary and drinking more, then there is something going on beneath the surface that probably needs some unpacking. I tend to think our bodies, minds and emotions don't come out this way if we are truly fine.

There is nothing wrong with needing to talk it out or get some help. I would see your doctor and get onboard with a good counsellor to help guide you through things.