I haven’t been diagnosed with anything yet but I know that
there is something going on with me which isn’t my normal self.
I live by myself, I have two dogs and two cats and I work
long hours in an office job.
A few years ago now I had a serious relationship break down
and at this stage my partner left with her two nieces who had been living with
us because we were awarded guardianship of them. The break up was a long drawn
out break up which spanned over about 18 months and involved a lot of mind
games, manipulation and control.
As this relationship drew to an official end, I had become
close with another woman (I identify as lesbian) and we were just friends but
then it escalated into a romantic relationship. She had her own issues to
contend with and as a result we ended up in a very emotional to and fro dance
with sometimes us being incredibly close and other times her distancing
herself. That being said I continued to pursue the relationship and saw enough
good stuff to believe I was with someone who had my back.
I am a very social person and enjoy one on one close
personal relationships as a result I’ve been a serial dater for a really long
time as I struggle with isolation at times especially living alone (and not
being able to drive which I am in the process of learning)
So recently my relationship with my current relationship
took a turn and I came to realize that I perhaps am not as much of a priority
as I thought. This triggered some of my abandonment issues, my lonliness issues
and was further impacted by the fact that I sprained my ankle quite badly and
was in a lot of pain and left me scratching around to catch ubers to doctors
appointments.
I have become quite emotionally unravelled, Im usually
okay when at work because I'm in an office and surrounded by ppl
& hustle n bustle all day but as it comes time to go home I become really
teary and emotional and become filled with just not wanting to deal with the
night ahead. My social circle is tiny to non-existent as most of my energy has
been put into reltionships over the the years.
I have recently made friends with a couple in my
neighbourhood and we’ve had two social outings so far and I’ve created a group
on Facebook to organize activities locally in the near future. Because I’m not
a socially anxious person, I like being around people quite a lot.
I guess I’ve just come here for a bit of extra support and
people to talk to, especially when it’s late at night and these feelings creep
up.
