Need support

[Sush]

Hi Everyone 

I am new here! I’m soo grateful to find a community that cares and supports each other… Such a great place 

To introduce myself I am a Single Lady whose kids are grown up and now after a long journey with kids and meaningful life….. I am finding myself a bit lost, sad and overwhelmed stressed and excited exhausted.

I know there are people who are worse off … I know there is a lot to be greatful etc etc

still I am a human who feels alone and wants someone who cares loves me and supports me in this life journey 

I have been trying to find myself a best friend who I can share life with but I couldn’t soo far !

day in and day out all by myself now I am at a point of despair…

Trying to exercise, church and connect with friends still miss the close friend 

Mum narcissistic but I try to be reasonable with 

lovely sisters but they have their life.

daughters who don’t enjoy time with me as I am not fun mum to be with as I would rather with my friends too 

I am going to become a grandmother which is exciting but I have to go to same place where I left after abusive marriage which freaks me out 

overall I am now feeling anxious to go to see my daughter to be with her as she is becoming a first time mum

feelings of nervousness is striking me as I have to go back to place of trauma.

ex moved on and married and lives in the same city as my daughter 

Feeling more alone as I don’t have someone to share my feelings with.

I try to stay positive looking after myself and put positive spin like blessings of grandchild, Atleast it’s only a month in the place where I escaped from and I have now built a safe life, no one to destroy my peace etc etc. Want someone supportive to go through this life with

enough of being single and alone….

Sorry for the long post

Thanks for taking the time to listen ❤️

[indigo22]

Hi Sush,

Welcome to the forums, it's great that you have decided to join our community.

There are a lot of things in your introduction we can talk about so maybe we can address some of the more important ones first.

It is difficult trying to be upbeat and positive all the time when life doesn't feel comfortable, but you are trying and that's a step in the right direction. One thing you should know is that in this community we don't make any judgements about who has it worse, we just support those who reach out to us. That is a big step in itself so thank you for having the courage to do so.

That's exciting to be becoming a grandmother for the first time, I am sure you are looking forward to it. You want this to be a happy time to share with your daughter so let's talk about your anxiety about returning to the home that you escaped from (well done for walking away from a toxic environment).

Have you had any therapy before or since leaving your abusive situation? I just need to know what you have done so far, in order to make suggestions going forward. There is a type of therapy that deals with emotions that are trapped in the body which I think could be beneficial to you, if you would like to know more about this, I would be happy to go into more detail with you.

I have a family member who is narcissistic also, so I can relate to how difficult that can be. I no longer have anything to do with her, so well done for hanging in there. 

You said you are missing a friend, is this someone you were close to that has recently passed away? 

Making new friends can be difficult but we can explore some ideas together for ways to connect.

Let's get a conversation going so we can start addressing some of these areas that you need support with.

Glad to have you here,

indigo

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Sush,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums,

I am so sorry you’re feeling lost, scared, overwhelmed, stressed and excited exhausted..

Feeling alone and like nobody loves you is something I went through years ago, my husband passed away, my children living hours away by car, unable to see my grandchildren much at all…it really does get overwhelming sad….my heart goes out to you Sush…

My youngest son bought the house that I survived untold abuse, so it’s really hard for me on the few times I visited him and his family…even though he has painted the walls, changed furniture added pieces of their own selves etc…to the house,  it still is very awkward for me….I can relate to how you might be feeling going back their…my son now lives in that house (our old family home) sometimes I feel it has a different atmosphere within it now…..full of the love and care my son’s family has brought to it… I can pick up on it sometimes when I visited him, which is very rare….When I feel triggered in that house, I try to redirect my thoughts onto the love I see my son, daughter in law and grandson have for each other….

Im wondering if you have thought of volunteering yourself for a day or 2 a week?…I was so overwhelmed with having no friends and so very lonely and sad after my husband passed away….I was on job seeker then and had to put in 15 hours a week of volunteer work….I started at a well known charity op shop, after 7 years, I’m still their…even though I’m on aged pension and don’t have to be….I have made some nice friends with the other volunteers…maybe Sush, it’s something you might consider doing…

Like you dear Sush, I have built my own safe little world after years of abuse….a place of peace that I don’t really let anyone into…..I know how important that is for you, being a survivor of an abusive marriage…peace and safety are paramount to us…..I think you are a very brave person for being strong enough to leave it….I was to scared to leave mine..

Congratulations on your first very precious and beautiful grandchild..

My kindest thoughts and care..

Grandy..

[Sush]

Such a loveless reply. Amazing human. Thanks for being soo kind

missing a friend in the sense after a long marriage breakdown… I am missing a close friend as a partner.

had some therapy here and there with few but didn’t click with any therapist properly.

I moved to new country here and started living peacefully. Whenever I had to go to England for one or the other then my emotions play up. I get apprehensive. But my daughter is having a baby and hence going back to being with her but only for a month. Thanks a lot

[Sush]

Thanks a lot Grandy. I feel soo at home to connect to you here where you are accepted and understood.

i feel sorry for what you had to go through.

glad you had survived and now in peace and safety. You are soo strong to have come through and yet standing strong and going good. You are blessed to see your kids shining. 
Yes looking forward to my first granddaughter.

I am working but still volunteering is something I thought of and it’s great idea 

Thanks for taking the time to respond with such great message which gives me soo much comfort. 

[indigo22]

Thanks for clearing that up Sush,

Have you been in Australia for a while or is it a recent move? I am glad for you that you have found peace after being in that situation. I was born in England but was brought here at 6 months so have no memories of being there.

When are you due to return to see your daughter?

It is a pity you haven't found a therapist you clicked with in the past, but sometimes it does take time to find the right person. I hope you haven't given up, there will be someone you click with. I have been dealing with dysthymia and major depression since I was in my early teens (now in my 60s) and I did talk therapy with a social worker for about 10 years which helped a great deal. I moved to a different location a few years ago and have recently been seeing a lovely therapist who does Somatic work as well as talk therapy. Somatic therapy is designed to release the trapped emotions that we have accumulated through difficult challenges in our life.

I believe this type of therapy would be very helpful in calming your anxiety about returning to your previous home. Some examples of this type of therapy are called:

Somatic Experiencing

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - also known as Tapping

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing)

My therapist uses a combination of EFT and EMDR and it is very effective so I hope you will at least consider the idea.

There is a thread that many community members have contributed to which you may also find helpful 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/self-help-tips-for-managing-anxiety/td-p/50482

I know it can be difficult being alone, I have lived alone for many years and have no problem with it, but I know some people are not comfortable living that way. So perhaps tell me more about what you have done as far as trying to connect with people and we will see what ideas we can come up with.

Take care,

indigo