Lost

[Leejoy]

I was seeing a guy for a few months and we ended just recently. I am beside my self and completely heart broken, I am really struggling to get out of bed and have lost my appetite. My family is trying to be there for me but I lock my self In my room and shut everyone out, I know this isn’t normal because some people prefer to be surrounded by loved ones at times like this although I just want to be alone, even though I know it’s not helping me at all.
I’m extremely conflicted at the moment and I’m denial that it is over between myself and this guy, I have not contacted him nor tried to reach out in anyway although he calls each day then hangs up instantly and tells me to “just block my number” I don’t get it and it’s really affecting my mental health, we proceed to send around 6 messages each way then he leaves me on read until he decides to call the next day or whenever it may be. What does this mean ? Has any one experienced the same thing ? Please help

[yggdrasil]

Hi Leejoy,

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for sharing your experience. Have you ever felt this way before, or is it a totally new reaction to the break up? If these feelings are not new, have you ever spoken to your doctor about them? Most doctors these days are really good about mental health, and if suitable they can help you set up a mental health care plan, which helps you access free sessions with a psychologist.

About the texting/calling: to me this sounds very strange and indicative of a relationship functioning badly. IMO a relationship should end with a frank exchange of views about how the relationship is no longer working, then usually a period of no or minimal contact to give each person space to heal. After this the relationship can become a new thing (friendship) if both people are comfortable.

For your ex to break up with you, but then keep texting/calling you to me indicates the person has little self-control. I would block their number, and try to disengage from them completely until if and when the emotions aren't so intense. Perhaps this sounds ruthless, but I believe strong boundaries are essential for mental health. I can't see a strong reason to receive their calls/texts right now. Even if they led to you getting back together, things sound way way too intense at the moment for any sort of relationship to work for long.

Anyway thanks again so much for sharing your experience on here! Please feel free to tell us more about how you're managing this difficult situation. All the best,

yggdrasil

[geoff]

Hello Leejoy, people react differently when a relationship breaks up, some want to be consoled while others just want to be left alone, no one can predict what will happen and we can't expect to know until it actually does.

So what he is doing is confusing you and to send messages to each other only seems as though you have separated and not ended your relationship, there is a big difference.

If you are separated then you try and reconcile but if the r/lationship has ended then it's over, so you need to decide whether it's finished or whether you want to keep in touch and if it's the former then all communication needs to stop.

You can't be put on a snail date.

Geoff.

[Leejoy]

Thankyou for your reply ! I have felt similar emotions before although this time they are much more intense and I’m having trouble controlling them. I’m planning on seeing my gp today so I’m hoping for a good referral.
His definitely confusing me… I can’t seem to bring my self to block his number, Ive deleted his number so I don’t have the temptation to message or call whenever I please, I know it sounds bizarre but if I block his number I can still see the number which would make me want to unblock and reach out. So I’m not sure what else to do

[Leejoy]

Thankyou for the reply Geoff.
confusing me is definitely one way of putting it, I’m not sure why he bothers to reach out and tells me to block him if his the one who ended the relationship, it doesn’t make sense to me and quite frankly it’s hurting me more and more each day because it’s not giving me time to actually realise it’s completely over. I definitely didn’t want the relationship to end so seeing him call gives me some sort of hope, is that silly ?

[yggdrasil]

Sounds like a good plan to talk to your GP! The specific lingo is "mental health care plan", and the doctor will likely get you to do a K10 test which ranks your mood. If your doctor is unfamiliar with mental health stuff and you want to try someone else, you can all around a few clinics and ask if they have a GP with expertise in mental health - that's what I did when I moved to a new area.

Also removing his number from your phone sounds very sensible to me. It's fantastic you're taking these steps, you should be proud! Well done! 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Leejoy, if he ended the relationship, then maybe he's trying to find out whether or not this is what you wanted, but as you haven't then he's only establishing if you want to stay in contact with him.

He may not know exactly why he broke up with you and could be frightened to tell you and perhaps he wants to find a way to discuss it with you.

Have you thought about contacting yourself, then you can decide what to do.

Geoff.