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Hello, nice to meet you. This is why I am here

spacecowboi
Community Member

Hi All, nice to meet you.

I will put this at the end too but also at the start in case anyone doesn't read to the end! I wish anyone in these forums all the best with theirjourneys and return to peak fitness. You all deserve it, I'm sure.

Quick Summary:

I wouldn't say I'd strike you as someone who's struggling. I've had a pretty fortunate life. I often semi-joke that I wish things hadn't been quite so easy because I've not toughened up to the world I sometimes end up struggling in. That's not to say I haven't done anything tough. Anyway, I am kind of starting in the middle here with what I wanted to say.

I find myself this year at 40 years of age in the midst of a lot of change. New job I'm not sure I like (or will be good at), new colleagues who I'm not convinceed I'll get along with (or will get along with me), about to become a father again, only 18 months after the first which brings a lot of happiness - but at the same time makes me feel incredibly trapped in a way. So much I did in life allowed for escape but marriage and children, despite how in love I am with all of them, stresses me out due to how permanent it is. I like choice and I guess as I get older, I feel my choices are narrowing and the conequences of making mistakes get higher and higher. I am also sadly, someone who can see the good and bad in everything, which means even the parts of my life that are near-on perfect I can easily spoil for myself. I am a realist (I don't live in a dream) but not always someone that can cope well with reality. I'm also quite self aware which again might seem like a good thing, but again means I know most of what's wrong with me, understand what I've done wrong in my life and also the consequences of that but also am quite stubborn & often repeat the same mistakes again (over-eat, don't exercise enough, don't try hard enough at work, drink too much). So I am a great observer and critic of myself. And at the moment with so much change in my life, I think my base happiness and ability to cope with the knocks and blows I am dealt (and deal myself) is getting shaken. Add Covid to that and some of the issues that has created for me and my family and yes, I feel like I'm at a low point and I am worried my resilience will drop to a point where I won't recover. And that's why I am here. So, thanks in advance for any support or advice on offer. And again for anyone that did read to the end, all the best with your own journeys and recoveries.

8 Replies 8

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums. Thanks for reaching out.

You seem like a very real and genuine person who is doing their best.

My advice to you is to find some activities that bring you joy and do these.

You are not alone here. I hope you find a way through.

Stay strong,

Jaz

Thanks Jaz for the kind words.

I will try and find activities that bring me joy. I think that is one of my issues actually - I never really settle on anything. I like, or can find pleasure in most things and enjoy trying many new things but if I was ever asked what is something I could truly do day in day out and not tire of?" that's a very hard question to answer. I'm the guy who goes to an all-you-can eat restaurant not because I'm hungry or for the quality of the food but for the variety. But I think over 22 years of adulthood that shallowness has started to backfire a bit and maybe mean I don't know where my roots are. I don't have anything substantial that anchors me. And I should be careful not to discount my wife. She is an absolute rock but bless her, at 45kg and 5'6" she has no idea how to handle, console or council a 110kg, 6'2" bearded, teary and emotional husband. But she tries and that means an incredible amount.

Your advice is good though and simple, which is important. It probably is time I found some simple everyday things that really do make me happy. Maybe they already exist and I'm just not recogtnising them.

Thanks,

Petal22
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi space cowboi,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand with change it can come with a lot of different thoughts and emotions.

Congratulations on becoming a dad again soon………. Becoming a parent is a really big change and comes with many challenges.

Do you think you have become more down since having children? I understand it does make us happy but it can also bring different emotions……. Women sometimes experience PND and Men can aswell .

Have you thought about speaking to your gp about the way you are currently feeling? You could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist.

Try to look for the positive……..

Is there anything you are really passionate about?

Hang in there

I am really passionate about...travel. And travel photography. I know right?

As for a mental health plan, yes, I am looking into that. I am all for any help I can get as I really want to pull things back around before it's too late.

I've had a really unstable period since my daughter was born so it's really hard to work out what is brining me down. Covid Hit, my daighter was born, I was made redundant from a company I was at for 8 years. WFH dramastically reduced the amount of social interaction I experienced and my ability to meet colleagues I'd know for years face to face. Although I was happy overall about leaving the company and "celebrated" my payout. Ulimately I was leaving a lot of people and memories behind. I used the payout to be a fulltime Dad for 7 months before looking for work again. My wife and I had a great time. I did some soul searching, tried to better understand myself etc before going back on the hunt for work (but ultimately didn't acheive too much).

when I returned to the workforce I called an old boss who immediately offered me a job on a 3 month contract so I went from aprehensive and worried to elated. The first call I made got me a job! And the company was very exciting. Australian tech start up that had just been valued at a billion dollars, 4 young co-founders. I really was just full of excitement and HOPE. And then I was offered a full time role in a totally diffferent space to my usual occupation and I decided to take it. THIS is when I started to nosedive a bit. I came in to the team incredibly happy, full of energy and enthusiasm and my local team mates were well - frosty. They were younger, a bit cliquey in my opinion and just not very genuine in my opinion. Other team mates in other states I connectede with better and my managers have been amazing. Even deciding to pay my parental leave despite not qualifying. So I am really torn between - "wow this company is amazing!" and "what did I do to upset these colleagues??". So it's been a very confusing 18 months to be honest. And very hard to separate if the parenthood or all these other factors are a primary cause of how I'm feeling. And that in itself - struggling to sort throught the wreckage has in turn brough a level of stress.

There is A LOT of positive too though. I said to my wife last night that I feel I am running my emotions in parallel. Incredible happiness and excitement experienced entirely seprately to this stress and uncertainly.

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

That is true. What are you passionate about?

It is so important to self-care and finds activities that make YOU feel good and happy. That ground you.

For me, it is music - listening to Spotify or my vinyl. If not, I like to walk or meditate.

It can be something simple.

- Jaz

hi spacecowboi, thanks for sharign and opening up. Im new here and about to share my story but it was great to read another newbie's story to get me starting.

I think anytime becoming a parent sets up a lot of worry , its different for everyone about what they exactly worry about, but I reckon its a common feeling. That doesn't exactly help you, but perhaps to know feelgn odd with pending baby 2 would be pretty normal.

I love that you do photography, perhaps choice a quirky new subject matter...i don't know like, leaves, babies faces in all emotions, clouds...

good on you anyway for joining Beyond Blue, sharing here anonymously is bound to be helpful.

Miz
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi spacecowboi,

Thanks for reaching out ! It sounds like you are super self-aware which is really helpful when it comes to thinking about your mental health. I sense that you are scared that you aren't tough enough to cope if things get worse, however, I feel like the fact that you have awareness around this is a really good sign. It is generally my experience that you can withstand anything if you are prepared and aware that their will be some relief that comes after moments of difficulty. If you are going through a really tough time I think acknowledging that and reminding yourself that it won't last forever can really help!

MainlyG
Community Member

Good luck spacecowboi don't underestimate how the covid Is affecting yourself.

I for one didn't worry about it for the first 6 months (Jan 2020 to July 2020)

I embraced it, joked, relaxed and embraced the lockdown.

Now however, everyone has had enough.