Lost, Lonely & Isolated

[grandma_j]

Hi! I am new at this so please bear with me. I have always suffered from depressive illness, however the last 18 months have been the most difficult of my life. I was hospitalised for day surgery on my knee and having had the procedure done several times previously, I had no concerns. I ended up with a staph infection at the wound site and as result I have spent a total of 8 months in hospital, the longest period being from Oct last year to April this year. During this period of time I had 8 operations on my knee plus heaps of antibiotics and other drugs and also picked up two other infections which were very difficult to treat. I had to stay in bed for 6 months as the original knee prosthesis that I had implanted had to be removed until there was no sign of any infection in my knee. It was replaced just prior to me being discharged and I had to learn to walk again. I somehow managed to cope in hospital although towards the end of my hospital stay I became extremely depressed. I have been home 6 months now and in some ways I feel worse than I was in hospital. I am traumatised by the number of operations I have had and I have also been told that I will never have a normal knee again. apart from the pain, my knee is very disfigured. I haven't driven in 18 months so I have to wait for my daughter or husband to take me anywhere and I hate the loss of my independence. I want to try to drive again, but everyone is always too busy to go driving with me til I get some confidence back again. All my friends work full time and as I am unable to work at this stage, I am very lonely. I can't seem to get my family to understand what I went through mentally in hospital and how it has affected me now that I am home. I cry a lot and try to talk to family about how sad and lonely I feel, but to no avail. I just wish someone would try to listen to what I have to say and not be judgemental. At the moment I feel like such a failure, mainly because I'm not working and not contributing to our financial situation and I hate the fact that I have drawn my family into this situation where I am so dependant on them. Sometimes I wish I could be struck by lightning!! I hate the way I feel/am and I just want my old life back. I know I should be grateful that i'm alive and that there are people out there worse off than me, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I don't know what to do. I am seeing a psychologist and she is great, but I wish I could see her every day

[Doolhof]

HI Kanga Brumby,

Great to see you on the forums again.

Sorry to read about your knees! You certainly do understand what Grandma J is experiencing.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandma J,

The adult colouring books are great aren't they! There are so many different ones available.

Is it possible for you to invite some friends over to join you for a knitting session and a chat? You could ask them to make themselves cups of tea and coffee and one for you as well.

It is wonderful you have been out for a drive! That must have boosted your confidence.

Have you ever written poetry? Maybe you could write down some of the horrible stuff relating to hospital, your pain and all your operations. Then you can rip up the paper and chuck it away.

This won't ease the physical pain at all but it might help a little with the emotional pain.

There really are so many caring people attached to this forum! I don't know if it has been mentioned to you before or not, there is a Social Zone here as well. There are games to play and light hearted chats to get involved with.

My knitting always has holes in it where there aren't supposed to be any! Ha. Ha.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools