Just feeling blue
im new here. Found this on beyond blue website. I’m 41 this year and have had episodes with anxiety and depression, mostly depression most of my life. I’m feeling so down and blue over the past 2 weeks, nothing and no one can cheer me up, my research seems to point at SAD as my condition tends to get worse during the colder months. I feel so drained of energy and emotions, I don’t feel like talking to or interacting with anyone, I keep having thoughts of regretting parent hood and find myself distancing from wife and 2 boys. All I do is just work long days and come home. I’m so sick of it. I have nothing left to give anymore, all I want to do is get under the blanket and hide all the time. I feel like I’m going nuts.. can anyone relate to this?
Thank you for showing such bravery in sharing this with us here today. We know it's not easy, especially when you're experiencing a period of very low mood.
We want you to know you've found a safe and non-judgmental space where users give and receive support based on their own personal experiences with mental health, many of whose will be similar to yours. We're here to provide as much peer support, advice and conversation as you need.
Please know that our support service staffed by qualified mental health professionals is also available to you anytime on 1300 22 4636 or via webchat 3pm-midnight AEST daily via https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support.
When every day feels like groundhog day, on top of exhaustion and depression, the question that can easily come to mind is 'What's the point?'
I'm wondering if you've ever considered walking into your home and announcing to your wife and kids 'Okay, I'm going to set you all a massive challenge. I'm going to challenge you to raise me. I want you to raise my consciousness, my hope, my expectations, my energy levels etc. Basically everyone, I challenge you to bring me to life!' Believe it or not, I actually tried this on my husband. He came home from work, asked me how I was and then I challenged him. I said something like 'Actually, I'm feeling a bit low and I need you to raise my spirits, like how I do for you when you feel this way'. He smiled and walked off leaving me thinking 'What the heck?!'
Scott, I'm a mind/body/spirit sort of gal so, in this case, I was left thinking 'Okay fella, thanks for raising my consciousness and sense of feeling truly loved. Thanks for raising my chemistry (serotonin levels for example) and thanks for really raising my spirits.'
I'm left wondering Scott, who raises you? As far as mind, body and spirit go, who raises your consciousness when it comes to how to best deal with the challenges you face on a personal level. Who helps raise the function and energy of your body, such as through getting you to consider a vitamin D supp in the less sunnier months, inspiring you to drink more water (hydro power), eat more nutritional energy based foods, releasing tension through a body or scalp massage and so on? Who raises your spirits by helping you investigate new ways to possibly come to life?
I've found it pays to identify the folk that raise us, in a number of ways. They can often become our 'go to' people, when we're low in inspiration within our challenges, when we're low in energy and mood and when we're just not naturally feeling a connection to life. I know all this probably sounds all lovely and nice and neat but it actually took me years to master not falling back into the kind of depression that took me a long time to get out of.
I figured basically we can't forever tolerate what feels intolerable and it doesn't work becoming numb to it either. Personally, I found the only positive way forward is to address what is intolerable, occasionally with some help from those who are prepared to raise us. Are you able to talk to your wife about how you're feeling and take time off work?
Welcome to the forums! It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and I’m so glad that you have reached out here.
I can see that therising has offered some wise words of advice. I just wanted to say that I can empathise with your situation. While you’ve been managing both anxiety and depression throughout your life, it seems like these past two weeks have been particularly tough for you. From your post, it sounds like you’re really exhausted both physically and mentally, which is starting to change the way you do things, like isolating yourself from your family. On top of that, nothing and no-one seems to be able to cheer you up or get you out of this headspace at the moment. I imagine this must feel so defeating, and I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time.
It isn't easy to manage depression and anxiety, and I think you should be so proud for taking the step to reach out here on the forums. I really appreciate your post and I can imagine that it must have be so hard to write in times like these. Know that you don’t have to do this alone, we’re here to support you. Please feel free to let us know how we can best support you during this time. Do check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.
Welcome to the forums 🙂 Thank you for having the courage to share.
I can empathise with your situation. I had pretty bad anxiety most of my life. It is difficult, but know that- now that you have been able to identify and communicate your complications- you have started the road to healing.
Nice to meet you 🙂
Hello the rising,
wow I did not really think anyone would reply and thanks for the detailed sharing. You’ve nailed a 2 things which is “what’s the point?” and yes I’ve become numb and unfeeling. I can’t feel joy, and have not in a long long while. My wife too has mental health issues so my contribution to the family is bearing this myself and not bothering her with my issues. I’m an introvert so being alone and surrounded by nature raises my sprits but my job does not end after work, coming home I start my full time job of being a father. Honestly I see no light at the end of this tunnel of endless toil. Work is not great either with constant fear looming round every corner of company downsizing and job losses. I know I should be grateful that I still have a job.
but I must say I’m very touched that you and a few others have actually replied. I will take your suggestion on the vitamin D and hydro power. Thank you and I wish you health and happiness
thank you for reply, it’s been ups and downs, mostly downs. There have been a few moments the black dog left but soon comes back. I really find no joy in being a father. To many I might sound ungrateful that I have a wife and kids but it is just how I feel.
I can’t feel joy and yes I’m very exhausted. I’m not suicidal don’t worry but I do wish I can walk away from all off this but at the same time i know I will regret it.
thank you for making the time for a complete stranger. I’m really grateful.
It's good to have you back on forums. We're sorry to hear that you're struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We understand that this might leave you feeling quite depleted or exhausted. Can we ask, are there any activities that you enjoy or find relaxing, or activities that you have previously found joy in?
It might be useful to take a look at some of the Beyond Blue resources to find some inspiration:
- "Personal stories" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/personal-stories
- "Journey to wellness" -
We hope that you find it helpful to reach out here to the community. Please feel free to do so whenever you feel up to it.