Its my 20th birthday today

[hello_panda]

Hi all,

It’s my 20th birthday today.

Spent the entire day crying. I’ve been reflecting on my life and everything I’ve done so far, but honestly, I can’t think of anything I truly feel proud of. Even today, I don’t have any close friends to share these feelings with or anyone I genuinely want to spend the day with.

At home, birthdays have never really felt special, there’s usually low effort around them and the same thing each year, and when I ‘compare’ it to how my friends celebrate, it stings a little more. I know I sound ungrateful or even bratty for saying that. feel grateful for the things I do have. 

I am grateful for my family, for the opportunities I’ve had, and for the lessons I’ve learned along the way. It’s just I dont know why I feel really down.

I think I just expected that by 20, I’d feel more settled, somewhat more sure of myself, more surrounded by people who get me. Instead I feel so lost and unworthy.

[quirkywords]

Hello-panda

welcome to the forum and Happy birthday. I am sorry you feel so down .

 is there something you can do today they will bring you feel joy. 
I felt lost at 20 and I felt worried about the future. That was over 40 years ago and there have been many ups and downs. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Hello_panda,

A very warm welcome to the forums…

Wishing you a happy 20th Birthday 🎂..

You don’t sound ungrateful, nor are you unworthy honey, you are feeling a bit let down probably…and I’m really sorry that your birthday had you in tears….a gentle and caring Birthday hug for today..🤗..

Some people settle in life quicker then other people, eventually I have faith that you will settle in your own time and be one awesome person…

Please Dear Hello_panda, never stop believing in the beautiful person you are…

We are all here for you when we can be to help support you along your journey…

My kindest and warmest thoughts, 🤗🌹🩷.

Grandy..

[LJ_]

Hey mate, happy 20th birthday 🙂

Feeling lost at 20 is a lot more common than you think, however that doesn't mean it isn't important to talk about.
I am 24 now and only this year have I finally found something I am passionate in and something I can see myself doing in the future. I spent years watching everyone figure out life and settling down and it always made me feel down about myself. Your feelings don't make you seem bratty or ungrateful they are completely valid, you should never apologise for the way you feel because at the end of the day ITS HOW YOU FEEL, you can't help it. My advice that helped me at your age was finding spaces with people who had common interests. For example if you are passionate about a video game, look at online discords and join a server and just chat! Or if you are interested in a certain topic, google that topic and the city you live in, you would be surprised with how many niche little clubs there are around. By surrounding yourself with people who have similar interests to you, you can discover different pathways or opportunities to explore said passions and maybe even make a career out of it, and if not, at least you will make some close life long friends who will be there for you when you need it. Please feel free to reach out even if its just for a quick chat 🙂 - LJ

[sbella02]

Hello hello_panda,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us, we warmly welcome you to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with this. As someone who's now closer to my mid-twenties, I recall having a similar experience on my 20th birthday, and also my 18th.

Birthdays can bring up a lot of intense emotions and in some unexpected ways. For many of us, it symbolises a key milestone that either has happy memories or sad memories associated with it. Some people love birthdays. Others would rather forget that theirs ever existed and just live it like it was any other day. 

When we're entering a new period of our lives, we can see others around us who are at vastly different stages and it can feel confusing. At least, that's been my experience. I've known people my age to buy houses, graduate with degrees, get married, have children, and I've also known people to travel down very different life paths that may not be seen (at this stage) as traditionally "successful". I've also known people to keep all of their high school friends, people who let them all go completely, and other people who just fell out of touch. That's the other part of your twenties that not many people talk about - it can be very lonely when you're looking at what everyone else is doing and wondering why it's not happening that way for you.

The point of this is that there may be many different paths that we all go down in our twenties. You're also allowed to feel upset when watching other people do things that you wish you were doing, regardless of how grateful you may be for good things that you may have in your life. That social comparison is very normal. 

I made my close friends that I have now at the beginning of my twenties. I met them at uni, I almost stumbled across them really, and I know that I'm very lucky to have them. We cannot choose where we meet good friends, but we can put ourselves in situations that make us more likely to find them. Things like clubs, groups, universities or skill-building programs, courses that may be of interest to you, even online means like Discord. Are there any short-term courses that you'd be interested in taking? Are there any clubs or groups that you'd like to join?

I hope this can resonate with you. Life is difficult to navigate as an adult, but we're never alone in our journey - we're always here to listen if you have more to get off your chest, for instance. In the meantime, happy birthday, and take good care of yourself.

All the best, SB