I always lurk forums, never post. Here goes nothing.

[mrwednesday]

Hi.

I've been a part of forums and online communities for most of my life. But I never post anything, or even reply to posts. I lurk, because I feel like I have nothing of value to add to conversations, or that people would find my thoughts boring ("ughh, no one wants to hear me say that" I always tell myself).

But I want to try it out.

I'm in my mid-twenties, visiting Australia on a Working Holiday. I know no one here, I'm travelling alone and life seems pretty dark at the moment. I'm in casual employment, always broke, I feel like my housemates are sick to death of me, and I'm terrified I'll screw up every social interaction I end up in. My only solace is my art, and lately I've been very unhappy with the quality of my work.

I'm tired of being scared of everyone.

But I don't know how to be better.

[NMTB]

Hi mrwednesday and welcome,

Very sorry to read about how you are feeling. Be assured what you have to say is of interest here as a lot of us have felt exactly the same way about posting.

Would be interested to hear more about your Art (it is a very good outlet/therapy).

[therising]

Hi mrwednesday

So glad you decided to trust your instincts and post here. Never underestimate the power of your words. Myself, I'm grateful for what you have shared, as it has helped shed a little light on my own path.

You have reminded me of something my 13yo son once said to me when he was much younger. By the way, he has always been somewhat of a sage throughout his young life. On this occasion he said to me 'Ask me any question and I shall give you the answer'. I asked him 'How can I be a better person?' Having sat in quiet contemplation for a number of seconds, he responded with 'You already are (a better person)'. Here, he touched on something we may often forget in regard to our evolution; in the quest to better our self, we can lose sight of just how far we've actually come in life.

You are obviously a brave person, who has developed the courage to visit another country on their own, find employment and move in with what were, in the beginning, complete strangers (possibly). This is the sort of thing some folk wish they could do but never muster up enough courage to follow through. You are a better person for your experience. And wishing to further evolve, you now seek the experience of social development and greater confidence.

Wondering if your interest in art could lead you to a path where multiple things could begin to come into focus. If you search 'Local art groups in my area' you may be able to connect with people you can relate to as well as possibly finding the inspiration you need regarding your work. It's hard to be scared of people we can relate to. By the way, many artists experience a sense of dissatisfaction with their work at some stage, which inspires them to change. Such dramatic change in approach can be seen in many an artist throughout history.

Being a fellow artist (aka soulful expressionist), I believe our soul speaks through out work to some degree. What you may be seeing in your work is a call for growth and change, which reflects what's also going on in your mind. Perhaps, instead of focusing on the quality of your work focus on the message in it. I shall take my own advice, as I've been feeling seriously uninspired lately in the way of painting.

Take care mrwednesday and thanks for sharing and inspiring

[Rishie]

Hello mrwednesday
Good on you for posting here, that must have taken some courage.
I never feel like I have anything to contribute in conversation either, people always tell me I never talk enough. On the other hand, writing has always come easier for me.
When I write in a forum like this I tell myself that the writing helps me and if people want to read and reply they are welcome, but if they don't want to it's also fine. A forum like this that is moderated is a very safe place to post, because people won't write back with offensive or harsh words. People on here have been very understanding, we are all struggling, we all need encouragement, a place where we can be ourselves.
I hope you enjoy your time in Australia and meet some real friends. I also hope things get better with your art too. Maybe you need a little break from it? I don't do art but I am a blogger and I write poetry. sometimes I just need time away from it before coming back to it with fresh enthusiasm and inspiration. As we grow and live, we are learning new things that can add depth to our creativity, whatever it is we do.
Have a nice day.
Rishie

[geoff]

Hello Mrwednesday, welcome to the forums, and anybody who reads comments on the forum means they are interested in what's going on and that's what's important, simply because there are no bad or indifferent thoughts by those who want to join the conversation.

Each person has been through their own experience in life, whether it's been a joyful one or whether it's been a painful journey, there those of us who do care.

I agree with Therising but you know it's brave to come to Australia on a working holiday, I wouldn't have the strength to do it but congratulate you.

There are times in our life where we don't know what to do, that's the confusing part because we can't focus on our future, especially if you're a visitor from overseas as there are too many distractions.

Try isolating topics that interest you the most, and keep researching as this could lead you into being more interested in other hobbits, eventually one of these hobbies will turn into something you enjoy.

Anything that directs you into having negative thoughts pull out and stop doing them.

Art can suit anyone and no matter what is painted there will always be someone who loves it.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[mrwednesday]

Hey,

thanks for the kind response. I'm currently trying to teach myself digital art, and it can get very frustrating. My drawing hand was injured recently, and I can't draw for very long periods of time. That's probably one of the reasons I'm unhappy with the results, because I can't get as much practice as I'd like to.

[mrwednesday]

Thank you for your kind words.

It's pretty daunting moving to a new country, and being as socially incapable as I am, it hasn't been exactly smooth. I have been checking out some local art groups, always telling myself I'll go to the meet-ups, but then I always chicken out day-of. I find going to a new space, full of people I don't know, very frightening.

[therising]

Hi mrwednesday

Is there a possibility you can show up at one of the groups for just 5 minutes and then head back out the door? Might be a tiny bit easier if you tell your self 'I'm only going for 5 minutes, just to get a feel for things'. It can definitely be uncomfortable, interacting with strangers for long periods of time. The 5 minute idea gives you the chance to check things out, pick up the vibe of the place and walk out having felt a sense of accomplishment. If you manage to engage in conversation while you're there, you may even decide to stay for 10 minutes or more. Go with whatever is comfortable for you. I'm a socially shy person myself, so I do understand that even a 5 minute challenge is a huge challenge.

Take care and wishing you a speedy recovery regarding the hand injury

[mrwednesday]

Hi,

I like that idea, of just 5 minutes. I usually feel like 'that's just a waste of time', but I'll try to keep it in mind! I have a history of walking into venues and noping out before I can even finish my drink.