Dear Storm,
I have read your post and whilst I am not in the same circumstances as you, I can empathise and understand what it is like to wake up in the morning and have a loved one there and then that night, they aren’t. And how you are very aware that they won’t be back anytime soon. And that can change your whole life. It disturbs your natural routine and makes you feel suddenly alone in this world.
I can understand your grief at that sudden loss and how you are coping with it. I can also understand waiting to hear sounds or sights of that person daily and they don’t come. A level of comfort has suddenly stopped.
And that makes it hard to cope. Especially if you want to protect your husband from your struggles. And feel you can’t express them to others either. It all accumulates inside you.
Can I possibly make some suggestions? I have found journaling at night allows me to express what I need to say and get it out there into the world. I can write page after page. You can put it in the recycle bin if you want to after, or if you get some counselling support, read it to them in a safe environment that caters to absolute privacy.
Can you find distractions in places? Like do a deep clean of your home and do a little bit each day to fill up some time and give you a new routine? Throw out old products in the bathroom or donate your unused clothes to a charity bin? You don’t need to touch any of your husbands things. Just stuff that should have long been moved on and have no emotional attachment. Or perhaps a walk you’ve always thought abiut doing, but never tried.
And lastly, I often think my deep feelings and thoughts can be a burden to others so I don’t share them. But sometimes I need to remind myself,that until they tell me those actual words, that they don’t want to hear them anymore, they very well might still be there for me.
I understand isolation, so if you want to talk, I don’t find your emotions hard at all to understand or handle.
Please talk back if you want to,
Doors24
