Hi. Struggling here

[Sasha74]

Hi

I'm 44, Divorced, Mum to one. I suffer from Anxiety, Depression (at times) and alcoholism (when not taking medication). I stopped talking med over the past few weeks and ended up on a downward spiral over Xmas that has ended a one year relationship with a great man. My anxiety is through the roof! Thanks for listening

[Birdy77]

Dear Sasha,

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling more calm, that's wonderful news.

I wonder if you feel that there may be hope to rebuild your relationship.

I am really pleased I have been able to help you feel a bit better.

Thank you, I'm having a calm few days after a bit of a stressful Christmas time fulfilling obligations that I didn't want to fulfil. Xmas day was an example of when I wished I was one of my chooks. I'm glad it's over.

I am really glad you are here and I hope we can talk more when you feel like it.

Wishing you an evening of calm Sasha.

🌻birdy

[Sasha74]

I’m pleased you got through Christmas even though it sounded like a challenging time.

I’m not sure about my relationship. I’d love for it to continue but I don’t feel he feels the same. It’s a shame, I could see a future with him and that hurts.

I have to go to work tomorrow so that will fill a few hours of Monday.

My son is now cross with me because I’m not allowing him to go to a party tomorrow night with his friends. He has started drinking this year and it terrifies me that he is drinking too much so I’ve said no to tomorrow night.

Will you celebrate NY?

[Birdy77]

Dear Sasha,

I hope today is a better day for you. Sometimes going to work can be a blessing as it takes our minds away from our worries for a few hours and gives our hearts a bit of a break from the intensity.

I know it hurts so much if you would like the relationship to continue but he feels differently. It's a shame because you could picture a future with him. But it sounds like there is still a glimmer of hope, you never know. Either way, you will eventually be ok. Be very gentle with yourself and take much care during this tumultuous time for your heart.

I don't blame you not wanting your son to go to the party if there's drinking. I do not envy you being a parent of a teenager! What a time. I don't know if you'd want this, but maybe he could have some mates over to yours, then you can monitor the situation but he can still have some fun? I dunno.

I'm lucky all I have to think about is what dinner I will make for my partner and me and making sure we have wine and music for sitting on the deck tonight. That is how we will see in the new year. True, that's pretty much what we do every night, but oh well!

How are you feeling today?

Wishing you peace and calm.

🌻birdy

[Sasha74]

Hi Birdy,

Monday was busy at work so the day went relatively quick despite my uncertainty of what was going on in my relationship. I finally got the answer I didn’t want but at least I now know he doesn’t wish to continue. I’m upset but it’s not life threatening.

My son was a bit cross he couldn’t go to the party but we actually had a really nice night after he accepted he wasn’t going. He is such a good boy. I am very lucky there. Normally I would have suggested a gathering of his friends at our place where I can monitor but someone else had organised a party already. Also, I was not up to supervising 15, 16 and 17 year olds on my own.

All in all we had a good night. Neither of us drank and we watched a couple of movies, he cooked steaks on bbq and we walked up the street to watch the midnight fireworks (which I always find depressing) but didn’t let him know that.

My best friend now knows I’m not well ATM so she’s on top of it too. I feel overwhelmed with love which makes me cry even more. Why do I find it so hard to tell people when I’m struggling and then am overcome with emotion when they care? Even yourself? I don’t know you at all but you telling me you were sitting there with me was SO very comforting and that too made me cry.

I hope you and your partner had a lovely night.

[Birdy77]

Dear Sasha,

I am so glad you and your son ended up having a pretty good night, watching movies and walking up the street for the fireworks. I know what you mean about them being a bit depressing, but it does feel kind of nice walking up the road in the middle of the night, kinda festive and summery. A nice memory to have, just you and him.

I'm sorry you got the answer you didn't want to hear from your man. It will definitely hurt, and will be a process of grieving what you wanted with him. But you're right, at least now you know, and you can start that process.

Remember to be really gentle with yourself around now. Treat yourself as you would a good friend who is going through a break up.

I am also really happy to hear you have opened up to your best friend about how you are at the moment, and that you feel enveloped in love and care. That feeling of support will help so much.

I don't know what it is that makes it so hard to be open and honest when we're struggling hard, and what makes us feel overcome with emotion when we are met with gentleness and understanding. I experience it as well.

I am not 100% sure, but for me, I feel it may have something to do with self-judgement, this idea that I expect myself to be better, be feeling great, be getting on with everything like a machine. Also judging myself against others, like "what is wrong with me, so-&-so has it so much harder than I do, and they're flying". That kind of self-recrimination.

So when I'm talking to myself in such a judgmental and harsh way, I expect if I open up to someone else about how awful I'm feeling, I guess I think they will react in the same way that my inner mean-girl has been talking to me?

Something like that.

And then when i am met with care, concern and love, I think so many emotions come to the surface, probably including relief, and maybe letting go a lot of the tension and fear that was being held on to while the inner mean-girl was at me.

You might be able to relate to some of that.

Thank you, we did have a nice night on NYE, very quiet, and I was in bed by 10:30. Party animal extraordinaire.

I hope today was a good day for you. If not, hold yourself with gentleness and remember things will get easier, just not for a while yet.

🌻birdy