Hi! Hope I’m Welcomed!

[Kooye]

I needed a place to just blab and say my thoughts aloud.

I am in my early 20’s and i bet people would be like ah thats the age when you think everything is hard and hopeless. Thats what i always tell myself and i say to myself there are others who are suffering far worse than i am and has got less than what i have so i don’t deserve to be sad and depressed... i say this to myself over and over again and thought this would give me strength and keep me strong. I was wrong, this made me so much more lonelier and sad.

I try to do something and i know that everything cant work the way i want it to.. and i know even if i do my best and give my love to someone it depends on how they receive it and see me. But no matter how hard i try, it doesn’t seem like my thoughts are reaching anyone. I just need someone to not even completely understand me but just to hear me out.

People say i always smile and look like someone who has nothing to worry but thats just because i dont want anyone to worry or be bothered by me. I try to keep things to myself cause i hate to make trouble. I do whats best for others but am I doing something wrong? It comes back the opposite way all the time.. i feel like im not needed and sometimes all the trouble seems to be happening because of me. I feel like my friends, my boyfriend and family could have meet someone better than me. They could have been happier. I hate to put an excuse to something else because its my fault im feeling like this. I know it is.. but om the other hand, i could have atleast loved myself when i felt like the world was turning from me. I feel like i let myself down.. and everything is on me. These thoughts that’s repetitively comes to my mind and i dont want to live like this. I hate myself for hating myself and my life when i know i could make it better but i just feel like im loosing hope more and more.

Thanks for reading. Really appreciate it.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kooye,

I’m so sorry for the late reply. Thank you so much for writing and here’s a belated warm welcome to you here 🙂 It’s lovely to have your on board...

I agree that it can be really cathartic to have a space to purge some of our emotions, and feeling heard can be incredibly powerful...

You sound very overwhelmed at the moment. So many mixed emotions like sadness and loneliness...

I feel it can be a struggle to not compare. Although I feel regardless of whether others are better or worse off than you, it doesn’t lessen the reality that you’re still hurting and struggling...I suppose what I’m trying to say is it’s okay to give yourself permission to feel hurt and pain...your feelings are important too.

You sound like someone who bottles a lot of your feelings. Someone who puts on a happy front in an attempt to put everyone else at ease...I feel that would be very draining and painful over time...

I also can’t help but wonder if maybe...just maybe...it means you’re missing out on more authentic/deeper emotional connections with the people you care about because they only seeing get to see one side of you rather than you in all your depth, complexity and inner beauty. Sorry, I hope that doesn’t upset or offend you but you seem to have a lot to offer yet you’re showing only a fraction of yourself to the world so I wanted to gently touch on that topic...

No pressure but it would be wonderful to hear from you again if you feel comfortable talking some more here. You sound intelligent, sensitive and insightful, which are beautiful qualities 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[baet123]

Hey Kooye,

Welcome to the forums and great to have you here!

Thank you so much for sharing your situation with us and your are extremely brave and strong for doing so.

I am sorry to heard that you are struggling at the moment but I can tell from what you have said that you are extremely resilient and want things to be different which is amazing. What your going through is very normal and many of us can relate to it. I think you might be a bit to harsh on yourself and Pepper made some great points above which I won't repeat.

We are listening and your thoughts are appreciated on these forums. You will find that these forums are an extremely supportive, non-judgemental network of people who are here to offer advice and just be there for eachother.

I look forward to hearing from you again and learning more about your hobbies and the like.

All the best,

Baet123