Hello!

[aekeen]

Hi everyone!

I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm currently a student at uni studying computer science. I love to read, play video games, and look through programming tutorials.

I was diagnosed with severe depression last year. I thought I was getting better until 2 weeks ago, when my boyfriend and I broke up. It brought back all of my insecurities and issues with abandonment, so the past couple of weeks have been rough. I've been feeling extremely lonely, hopeless, and anxious. I can't contribute anything to anyone I love, so what's the point of me being alive? I'm very afraid to leave the house everyday and be among people. I feel like I took 5 steps backwards in my recovery these last couple of weeks, which just makes me feel even worse. I usually bottle up all of my emotions but this time, I wanted to communicate them somehow.

Thank you everyone for reading in advance!

[geoff]

Hello Aekeen, let me offer you a warm welcome.

I've read what you have said and it does truly upset me and when depression stricks you, it won't allow you any chance to have the strength to participate any at all with the people you love and by no means is it your fault.

By communicating with us is your first step in getting help, but know it's not easy so it's taking one step at a time because as you say you've stepped back 5 times.

Has this started to affect your studies at uni, I hope not, but understand if it has, because these three you have mentioned ' lonely, hopeless, and anxious' are pretty powerful conditions and can be all linked together.

The breaking up with your boyfriend surely hasn't helped you and whether or not he understood anything about depression and was someone you could talk to does contribute to how you are feeling.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi aekeen

Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time; such times are certainly triggers, which have us questioning our self and our life purpose. These times really do become a search for answers.

When you say you were diagnosed with severe depression I imagine this was a diagnosis made by a professional who you could possibly return to for help. Grief or loss of a relationship is a challenging thing to work through and guidance can be somewhat liberating, allowing us move through the process with a new perception. Gaining new perception is a must in depression, as you would already know.

Whenever there is a major change in life, life can become about reflection in more ways than one. 1) Taking time out for serious thought and contemplation and 2) Allowing our circumstances and the the people around us to act like a mirror, regarding who we believe our self to be. Be very careful with the mirror thing. In truth, this type of reflection comes with distortion a lot of the time. As you mentioned, the relationship break-up brought back feelings of insecurity and abandonment, which indicates you are currently referring to a distorted image of yourself, not a clear and honest image. If it is clarity you are longing for, it is vital you find someone who can help show you who you truly are.

It is cruel how other people create the distortions we see before us (with their thoughtless words and actions), yet it is us who are left to face them. Clarity aekeen, it is clarity we must seek in life if we are to reflect on the beauty and truth of who we are.

Take care of your beautiful self