Hello, first post, ASD, C-PTSD, OCD, addiction

[Fahrenheit_451]

This is my first post. Hello and good wishes to all.

I'm a middle aged white male, diagnosed with High Functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD/"Aspergers"), and Complex Trauma (C-PTSD) with OCD tendencies, due largely to a childhood full of repeated traumatic abuse of all manner and kind, including physical, psychological, emotional and sexual abuse from primary care-givers. Also neglect, abandonment, poverty and generally witnessing a lot of sex, violence, death, crime and drug and alcohol abuse from an early age. As a young child I frequently wondered if my real parents had been abducted or switched. One of the worst parts was just keeping it all secret and never having anyone I could fully trust for support. I never spoke about anything to anyone until I was living independently as an adult, and even then I kept a lot to myself until after my mum died.

As an adult I've managed to find some stability, after years of failed employment, and a failed marriage which I left due to too much drama and arguing. Despite years of self medicating, I did manage to complete an arts degree. Now I work mainly on my art as a self therapy and I live alone. I see a clinical psychologist fairly regularly, I'm not sure it's making much difference now, but it's probably not doing me any harm.

Why I'm posting here is not clear to me, I'm not prepared to disclose online too much detail about my life, so I don't know if I can be of that much help to others but I am curious about this online community

Kind regards,

[Croix]

Dear Fahrenheit 451~

I'd like to welcome you here. Life has handed you a very tough time and I'm pretty impressed with the way you talk about it, quite calm and with perspective. Finding stability is a great thing, I'm basically at that point too.

I'm not sure what to offer you at this stage, can I ask what you would like to get out of coming here? There is no particular need to disclose anything unless you want, that being said I felt much the same way but as I saw other people going down the same path I'd gone I did let things out, if only to give others some ideas of what to expect.

May I ask about you art? While I have no ability in that direction I do find writing helps to get me out of bad places.

If you get on with your psych I'd suspect it might actually be a positive, even if not much seems to come out of it. I found that long-term I've found it beneficial to have someone outside things to talk matters over with, my own views are often distorted, chiefly by anxiety and another's take on things is good.

Not remaining for drama and arguments sounds quite wise, if sad to have to do. Avoiding things that are corrosive to the soul is important.

I do hope you return and talk more

Croix