Hello ~ struggling with financial pressure

[aprilcat]

Hello all,

I'm a 22 year old who has an Asian mother who constantly nags and tells me to find one or to get back on centrelink...

I haven't worked a 'proper' job because of lack of experience and constant rejextions for part time jobs... hence why I'm studying further into a Masters since covid hit when I graduated last year and job hunting is frankly a lost cause due to how competitive it is.

It's the constant push to get youth allowance when i got pushed back because I'm doing an unauthorised degree that's not on the list of approved degrees. She doesn't understand it and wants me to get jobseeker where the mutual obligations scare me :((

It normally doesn't affect too much where I cry for a bit and move on but last night was different where I struggled to sleep and cried for at least 4 hours on and off. Also side note is it bad that my heart races and i get scared whenever I hear her yell even if it's not directed to me. The many lockdowns in Melbourne have made me stay in my room to avoid her, even now because she will always ask if I applied to get centrelink.

I have told some close friends but there's not much to help other than they are here for me. Reading the posts here gave me the courage to share my story.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi aprilcat,

Welcome to the forums. I'm really sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at the moment. I can totally relate to your current situation, as I was in a similar position when I was in my 20s, and I too had an Asian mom who constantly nags at me to find a job. As much as I love my mom, and I know she wants what's best for me, but there's only so much I could take in, and I still remember bursting out of the house one day when we were in a heated argument about why I couldn't get a job.

Job hunting is as you said, very competitive. It's almost the same as winning a lottery to be honest. It takes a mix of skills, confidence, and luck to be able to land on a job. Jobseeker's mutual obligations are there to ensure that you're putting in the maximum amount of effort in order to help land you a job. I feel one thing good about it was they tie you up with a career supervisor to guide you with getting a job. But there's definitely effort required if you do go on the Jobseeker, and if I'm not mistaken, they want you to land a full time job. Since you're currently studying Masters, I assume you're a full time student? If that's the case, I think you may have to explain to Centrelink that you're keen on getting a job, but you're currently a full time student, and would like some advise on this matter.

As for job hunting. It really is a lottery game. It costs nothing to send your resume in and hope for the best, but it certainly takes a hit to your confidence and patience whenever you get a rejection. Are your friends working at the moment? If they are, might be worth asking if their company is looking to hire a fresh person to join their team, and they can be your referral. There's also volunteer work that you could try out as well to gain some experience, that should help set you up a bit for your future.

Happy to continue chatting.

Jt

[Sophie_M]

Hi April cat, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us today - that takes courage and it is great step towards feeling better. It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure at home and combining this with the challenges of study is a tough mix. 

We think that the best thing to do right now would be to call one of the phonelines that we have listed below. It is a great way to share how you are feeling and get some advice on what to do when you are feeling especially stressed at home (or anywhere). The people who answers those calls are caring, kind and knowledgable and can help you find further support as well. We will also put some links to webchat options because we know sometimes it is hard to talk on the phone - please not that the webchats are not 24/7

Phonelines 24/7
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
KidsHelpline 1800 55 1800

Web Chats
Beyond Blue
KidsHelpline


Thank you again for looking for support, that is a brave and wonderful thing to do. You never know who may see this post and be helped to feel less alone because of what you have said.

Kind regards, 
​​​​​​​Sophie M

[tranzcrybe]

So this is about your mum wanting you to carry your weight and contribute to the household budget? As you are an adult and of wage-earning age (at least), do you presently contribute anything for your board and lodging? If not, do you think this is reasonable?

Regardless, this 'broken record' (being a millennial, I doubt you'll understand this expression) has got you on edge, even to the point where the very sound of your mum's voice acts as a trigger for your anxiety. Your mum is effectively 'sitting on your shoulder' 24 hours a day and it is affecting your sleep and attention.

No doubt you are facing the struggle many have to find employment, but possibly any job should placate your mum - waiting tables, fast food outlets, or whatever pays a dollar should placate your mum. As lowly as such jobs can feel, they do add experience to your CV and demonstrate a positive work ethic. Also, you may be surprised how working a few days a week can really motivate your studies!

[white knight]

Totally agree with transcribe.

As adults we shouldn't rely on others even our parents to support us. Also you chose the course, masters, no one else did.

The nagging is the frustration she has so it would be better to understand her anger and financial stress she has.

Regardless I hope you're ok. Sophie has some recommendations that might help you.

TonyWK