Sorry for the diatribe

[beanau]

hi

I was up between 1am and 5am trying to decide whether to air this... I mean is there any point?

Most nights from 1am I can’t sleep - usually up for several hours

Biggest problem is that I keep falling into a really dark place

I’m struggling to understand/accept/break the reoccurring patterns in my life.

I feel as though my needs aren’t being met in my relationships - absence of family and friendship connections (I have family but not nearby and my friends are good people but I’m the go to... I don’t feel they aren’t there for me)

I’m providing the family experience for others *exes new partners having family dynamics/the family experience with my children and my exes (I couldn’t get that dynamic from them though)

Having to do the hard work when it comes to my kids (the schooling, cleaning and day to day on my own while trying to earn a wage big enough to survive but not getting the family experience - togetherness, holidays, closeness... I want to share this stuff with someone... but I’m not going to have more kids and my 2/3 my kids are adults now leaving the likelihood of this ever happening very low)

Having to be the single mum, struggling with having my earning capacity restricted around time looking after my daughter or needing to earn even more to pay for after school care/holidays and not having support in this.

partners whose needs come way before mine (having said that my current partner is probably the most legitimate case for this with his being the carer of his terminally ill mum), *I can’t do any more relationships... if this fails I’m done - I just don’t have anything left

Not affording life in general - living in homes that are old and in ill repair, struggling on my own financially with no one to share the load or build a life or even just starting to discuss the future with

Jobs that I’m unpaid in, are inconsistent and that have ripped me off in relation to security (no superannuation paid)
Inability to secure or keep “normal” jobs - regular ordinary paid work,
Feeling so overwhelmed that I can’t complete tasks, courses to improve my situation, business plans that could possibly help move me forward

I don’t feel like I have anyone in my corner and I don’t feel like I can keep going.

[Sophie_M]

Dear beanau,
We’re grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. It sounds like things are very challenging. Although you may be feeling overwhelmed right now, please know you are not alone. With the right support things can improve. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe, supportive, and inclusive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. We’ve also checked in with you via email to provide you with some additional support.

Do you currently see a counsellor or psychologist? If not, it could be helpful to speak with your doctor about this. It sounds like there's a lot on your plate and you're not feeling like you are getting what you need from the people around you.

We are here 24/7 to talk things through on 1300 22 4636, as well as our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14
 

[beanau]

I saw a psychologist for 10 years

spoke to someone today but it’s all not so helpful

I do g know what else I can do

[therising]

Hi beanau

You sound thoroughly exhausted. I so wish I was there with you to charge you up a little or preferably a lot 🙂 Everyone around you sounds like a bit of hard work which, of course, makes you a hard worker.

So, who's raising the raiser of everyone else? From my experience, I believe most folk believe those who raise others on a regular basis have not only sage like wisdom but also and endless supply of energy. Not sure if you've found this to be the case: As soon as you say stuff like 'Sorry, I can't help, I just don't have the energy' or 'Look, I just need a bit of down time. Is there anyone else who can help?' people kind of turn in a way. It can be stuff like 'Fine, looks like I just have to do in myself' or 'I really need you to help me'. It's like no one hears the message: I'm tired, I'm exhausted. Please, give me a break. Suddenly, you've got people who are draining what little energy you have left.

I've found it pays to be Wonder Woman. Personally, if I had a career in wondering, I'd get paid overtime. I can't help but wonder why others aren't raising you in all the ways that you deserve. I wonder why people aren't putting in the effort to raise you through somewhat carefree relationships, where you don't feel you have to care 24/7. I wonder why people aren't supporting you in certain ways financially. They don't have to be big ways, just ways that count. I wonder, if you took your careful filter off, what would you find yourself saying to people around you? If you gave yourself the freedom, by disappointing yourself from the role of 'pleasing everyone', who would you appoint yourself as? Myself, occasionally I appoint myself the role of 'Challenging and demanding venter of my own thoughts' 🙂 I spent most of my life being a people pleaser, not wanting to feel others' upset, triggering them to confrontation. As a newly ordained challenging and demanding woman, I find emotional detachment from confrontation pretty liberating. For example, with friends who love being raised by inspiration and revelation, you could say 'Okay, I challenge you to inspire me, to raise me through some mind altering life changing epiphany'. If they ask why, it would be more than reasonable to respond with 'Do I need a reason when this is something I do for you quite often even without you asking? C'mon, hit me with some inspiration baby, I deserve it!'

Do you wonder what people's reaction would be, if you triggered them to a little more consciousness?

🙂

[Croix]

Dear Beanau~

It's no diatribe, it is a sensible account of things, and being human talking about it is very natural, and may lead to better things - you never know. At least you'll know you are not completely alone.

I think Therising has made some sensible points about the big picture and I'll not try to add more.

I would like to talk about those hours from 1am that drag onwards with little ability to sleep or even really do anything much, except experience dark and hopeless thoughts.

I tend to have the same problem, though I've often overcome. They come about partly due to anxiety, and in my case partly due to physical pain too.

Yes, it is a time when thoughts become almost an enemy, and seemingly with little control.

So I try to plan for this time -not always successfully I admit, but even so I'm often asleep well before I expected.

You are to goto fix-it person, and to do that, and people keeping on coming back you have to have a degree of common sense and imagination. Now you realy do need to turn your attention to this problem of yours, treat it in isolation rather than looking for an easing in your whole circumstances.

How you do it I'm unsure as I do not know you, your likes and dislikes, so I guess I'll give you a glimpse of some of my strategies and maybe they will give you ideas.

If I'm very het-up, worried over an event past or present, or about my circumstances, I try to break the chain of thought -a couple of ways (apart from the obligatory cocoa):

Maybe a movie I like or sounds absorbing (but not over-stimulating), maybe using the free smartphone app Smiling Mind - which with practice amazingly does leave me calmer and in a more peaceful frame of mind

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app

This is then followed by something enjoyable but relaxing. I use books as reading, takes little effort and soothes me. Then meds and bed.

Even if I'm unsuccessful in going to sleep at least I've driven the dark thoughts into a corner and have actually enjoyed part of the time (but not getting up overtired shortly later on 😞

I don't know what your equivalents are, I hope the idea is some help with this part of your life.

Please next time do not hesitate, just post whenever you feel like it

Croix