Hello and question

[redrunner]

Hi All 🙂

I just joined up today, I haven’t been feeling great for the last few months and wondered if I was suffering from maybe mild depression, I did take the 10 point test on this site and it did score moderately. I’ve had a lot of change in the last 3 years, (I’m 47 now), one of my best friends passed away suddenly, my 10 year relationship broke down, I’ve had some big work changes, moved house but felt like I had coped well. I’m now wondering though if I really have dealt with it all, as everything seems to be haunting me now in the last few months, in my head when I’m awake but also in my dreams, I feel happier when I’m out walking on the trails remotely or ocean swimming. I find that some things do cheer me up momentarily but then I sink back down again, that’s the only way I can describe it and am noticing I want to spend more time by myself and don’t have the energy for big social events. I’m not sure if I’m asking a question but maybe I’m asking if this sounds familiar to others? I think maybe I will seek a professional counsellor to talk this all through before I feel any worse. Is good to be on here anyway, such an incredible organisation and support,

thanks, redrunner

[james1]

Hey redrunner!

Welcome!

I'm sorry to hear about your best friend's passing and relationship breakdown. It sounds like you've tried to just move on and take things in your stride, but are now finding some of those thoughts coming back and intruding. It certainly is a familiar sentiment that I've had, but also that I've read from others over my few years here.

It's good to hear that you are thinking about seeking a counsellor to talk through some of it. I see a psychologist regularly, and have done so for the last four odd years. In my own experience, once you find someone you connect with, it's really helpful just to talk through. It might not have any groundbreaking or life changing moment, but I found that having the space to talk about things brought up things which perhaps I'd never wanted to bother anyone else with, and which I didn't want to think about at the time.

Otherwise, I have also started doing more longer walks just on my own with no music. I find that helps in a similar way because I make time to just let my mind wander wherever it wants to go. Life is so busy that sometimes, just stopping to think about where I've been and what I've done, helps alleviate a load I didn't even realise was there.

James

[redrunner]

Thanks so much James for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it. You’re right it was such a busy intense time as my friend died just after I broke up with my ex partner, I went back to the UK for the funeral for a week and then back to Sydney to organise the apartment sale, then had to find a new place to live. I’d also had knee surgery just 2 months prior so was recovering from that.
I am finding that my mind is running ragged often, it’s like it’s replaying everything and also my dreams have been eventful.
I will try and find someone to talk to and ask how I can find some ways to cope better, and agree, long walks are good to just get away and not have to talk or do anything else

[mocha delight]

Hi redrunner the not wanting to socialise and not having any energy sounds familiar as I experienced that pre antidepressants. I started on them the week before covid 19 was first mentioned & when I talked to my gp about my issues a few days beforehand my grandmother passed away (still feeling numb about that) and other then family issues plus my grandmother on the other side who’s my only living grandparent but who the worst type of narcissist that I don’t get along with the other half of the reason why I’m were I am right now & how I am when I was diagnosed with coeliac disease GORD end of June last year I had a gastroenterologist who was not very professional that totally mishandled my case (got a new gastroenterologist now who excellent).

[therising]

Hi redrunner

First, I just want to say how much I truly feel for you given all you've been through, especially your friend's passing. My heart goes out to you.

Second, I've found it pays to be wonderful (full of wonder). You're obviously a wonderful person, wondering if you've entered into a depression, wondering whether it's of benefit taking the 10 point test, wondering if you haven't entirely mastered all the deep challenges that you've been facing, wondering whether walking and swimming and being out in nature would make a difference, wondering about your socialising and energy levels, wondering whether anyone here can relate and wondering whether it's worth speaking to a professional. You gotta admit, you're definitely wonderful.

I find wondering is kind of like asking questions without actually asking anything. 'I wonder if I'm in a depression' is like asking 'Is it possible I'm in a depression?'. A wonderful person is an open minded person, someone who does not discount possibility. Personally, I find it's the nature of the quest for self understanding to hold many questions. I find it's also the nature of a challenge to have a transitional period. I find a lot of the time a significant challenge will lead me to lose a sense of self and if I'm not fully conscious of how I'm gaining a new sense of self, it can kinda feel like being in limbo, like I don't know who I am.

It sounds like you've worked out what is the best strategy for you during your transitional period, speaking to a professional who's got the skills to help you through and perhaps some skills to teach you when it comes to managing challenges and self understanding in the future.

By the way, from my own experience, I found depression to hold many levels. Entering in, you may not notice the entrance. A little further down and you can begin to feel it. Even further, you can really feel it impacting your thoughts and your connection to life. There is absolutely nothing like the very depths of depression. It is the darkest place one could imagine. You have a unique ability to feel the early stages, an ability which serves you well. Trust your feelings and find the right counselor who you feel making all the difference. Of course, you'll know if you've found the wrong one, who makes no difference at all. You'll feel that too. Never give up wondering, seeking and feeling your way through life.

No doubt, you are wonderful.

🙂

[geoff]

Hello Rerunner, and welcome to the site and from what you have told us, you have been through much more than the usual person, but this illness can strike anyone at any time and for any or no reason at all, so we may believe.

Taking the test can be different at times as it can give us slightly different results, so it needs to be done at certain times and how you are feeling, in other words, there is no point doing it when you're feeling the same every time, but as your mood changes then it tells you how you are actually feeling.

What you have had to endure, is never easy to cope with, and can certainly affect you all at once or gradually as one takes effect over time in the future and is advisable to have a talk with your doctor, tell them all that's happened and how you feel at different times of the day, especially what may trigger you.

If you like you can write all of this down on some paper, in point form, if possible, then it's easier for the doctor to read and then ask you questions which you may not have thought of before, then help can be obtained.

Please let us know how you get on.

Geoff.

[redrunner]

Thank you therising for such a thoughtful lovely reply, it actually made me cry reading it but I feel better for your words and they have helped frame how I am now.

You're right about the wondering, I am wondering many things now, so much that is why it lead me to question if I am in the initial stages and to seek help and this is a wonderful place to start.

I am seeing my GP this week, she is very caring and suggested a longer consult as I've been using a benzodiazepine for many years for sleep and she wants to help me get off that but wants to look at the cause behind it which shows she is very caring.

My Mother suffers from depression and has done for many years so I've also wondered if there is a link as well, something to look into.

Thanks for the advice about the right person as well, I guess I will know if they are the right one to work with or not quite early on, I trust my gut a lot so I'm sure it will guide me.

Thank you again and you are wonderful too 🙂

Zoe

[redrunner]

Hi Geoff

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I actually just wrote down a list of things and events over the last few years since the major ones that have happened and there were more than I probably realised. I will use this when I see my GP this week and then when I find the right counsellor. I did wonder if it's almost like a delayed reaction to everything as well, that it is all catching up with me as there have been other events this year that have affected me, not as major but still have affected me so I wonder if it's an accumulation.

I shall also take the test at other times as well, I've done it a couple with the same result but that is also good advice.

Thank you for your help and I shall stay in touch,

Zoe

[geoff]

Hello Zoe, that's a good question, like a delayed reaction to everything as well, and that's certainly possible as your situation may change from different circumstances you're in, and one may be more prominent than another that has previously been the culprit.

Each time could cause a different reaction, but it doesn't mean that they will all disappear, they may accumulate and then all of them suddenly affect you.

Geoff.