Greetings!

[CatInABox]

Hello everyone!

I'm CatInABox or at least I feel like one way most of my waking hours. I'm currently looking at ways to better myself and get on with normal life. Unfortunately, that also means that I'll have to (eventually) come out of my box which I don't think I can actually handle yet. I am a (sort) young woman dealing with - and not dealing with - living with Panic disorder and long bouts of depression. I've already seen my GP and he's referred me to a nice psychologist, so I'm already going somewhere I think. I'm trying to do things little by little but sometimes the simplest tasks seem so hard. I always feel confused and my brain isn't nearly as sharp as it should be. I easily lose focus and can be forgetful sometimes. I also find that I tend to get obsessed and then get over hobbies very quickly.

I'm also trying to get back into the workforce after a long absence. I've got to admit that it is painful since every time I look at an online job listing site, I end up with either palpitations or I hyperventilate - sometimes both at the same time.

Anyhoo, I think I've said all that needed to be said so I'm gonna go and explore the forums for awhile. See you guys around!

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Cat in a Box!

What a great post! So descriptive and may I say, very brave? Self insight and awareness is a must for anyone wanting to go forward. You're doing a wonderful job with referrals and supportive psych's/medico's. You've taken a further step forward by posting here on your own thread..how gutsy!

I've come out of my panic box this year and am on the recovery trail. 576 steps and counting lol

I had a breakdown 2 yrs ago and joined BB forum 12 months ago in quite a state. I've recently become a Community Champion dedicated to helping others come thru the haze and back into the land of the living, thanks to other CC's who tirelessly supported me in my time of need.

It works! It really does. The opportunity to give to other's as well as be a recipient of supportive people's words, can make a world of difference if you allow it to. There's lot's of info (above on links) as well as this forum to give a sense of 'community' with like minded helper bee's.

I want you to feel worthy and deserving of this gift of 'together we stand' attitude on BB. My warm and kindest thoughts go out to you sweetie...Dizzy xo

Keep us in the loop ok?

[blondguy]

Hello CatinABox

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

I have had acute anxiety since 1983 and then depression from '96. I feel your pain and your thoughts remind me what I was going through.

If I may ask you Cat, how long have you had this awful anxiety?

The good news is that the severity of anxiety does lessen over time with regular visits to a counselor or even a GP that has an interest in mental health.

It takes great strength to post on the forums and good on you CatInABox 🙂

You are not alone here.

My kind thoughts for you

Paulx

[MsPurple]

Hi CatInABox welcome to the forums. I have suffered from GAD for a while. I get how horrible panic attacks are. It is really good you have a supportive network and have joined the forums to get more support and to also give support to others. I know how annoying the job hunt is, but keep at it. It can feel good to get back to work and to not let your panic win. Good luck and see you in the forums

[CatInABox]

Hiya!

I was diagnosed while in uni and I'm 34 now, so I've been suffering on and off for the better part of the last 12 yrs. Originally, I was on prescriptions but I got off of them because it was interfering with my studies and my parents didn't like the idea of me being on medication.

I was able to get along fine for awhile and but I always had episodes every so often. It finally got bad enough to completely stunt my emotional growth. I personally don't see myself as an "adult" because I can't do normal things like everyone else my age can. I'm afraid of the world at large because I've witnessed too many folks around me be crappy to each other and didn't want any parts of that. During the whole time after I've been diagnosed, I've only made 2 friends (one of which I've married). I'm super private when it comes to my own matters and I don't know if it's out of shame or habit. I've spent most of my life living up to everyone else's expectations and I was fine because I didn't want anything for myself. Unfortunately I'm well brittle emotionally and will cry or hide at the drop of a hat. Tbh, no one understands me except for my doctors. I can't talk to my husband because he's the complete opposite of me and whatever I say doesn't compute. The same for my mother, so I am completely alone for now.

[Just Sara]

Hi again Cat;

You're not alone..

We hear your pain and frustration and know the journey you're on..we've lived it.

From your post there seems to be some positives like having someone at home now being married, having a relationship with family, a supportive doctor, a new friend and study. This would keep you very busy I'd imagine.

How you interpret and approach the world around you, and within you is actually a choice. I learned that focusing on my communication and responses instead of those around me, gave me some mental space to find some peace. It doesn't mean it's there all the time, but it does give my mind respite to get through the day. In the beginning it was so hard not focusing on 'them', so I practised on those closest to me first.

I've found it really helpful to pat myself on the back for even the smallest of accomplishments. Each little 'win' increased my confidence. I still find it hard to be in groups but have forced myself to join a community group as an outlet for creativity. A yr ago, I would've been curled up shaking with panic thinking it was the end of the world.

In the beginning at the group, I fell into old habits of getting too involved, so have stepped back a little to concentrate on my project. The relief I felt was wonderful, knowing I didn't even have to have an opinion about what others were doing; I just do my thing.

So I'm out of the house, (great thing!) I'm exposing myself to others, (another great thing) and creating something beautiful with my hands. I did all this on my own because I care about me; I'm proud of me.

Do you mind if I ask if you have long term goals, or something you'd like to accomplish in the near future? Setting small goals each day can be positive too. My first one was to smile once a day.

Please keep posting..it so helps to give our thoughts a voice. And; we're listening ok?

Warm wishes...Dizzy xo

[MsPurple]

Hi Cat. I just want to emphasis what Dizzy said. On here you are not alone. So many people feel the same way.

I get what you mean when you say you don't feel like an 'adult'. I'm 25 and I still don't feel like an adult. I am moving states and I am relying so much on family support. I also left my last job where most people were 18 year olds. Sometimes our mental health can make us feel like we are going slower than others, but that isn't always the case. I just have to change my thinking. I am moving in with dad till I find my own place (like you would say with a friend) and my last job was just a job, not a career, I was an adult and went into a job I didn't like so I could pay the bills. Sometimes a mind shift on things can help change our perception of ourselves, and we can also see that we are a real 'adult'

I am a person who has a fair few friends, however most days I feel like they are acquaintances. I am a person who has a few close friends. And that isn't a bad thing. And it's so good that you married your best friend, I hope to do the same some day. Try not judge yourself on the number of friends you have. Some people are private people and there is nothing wrong with that. Some people also like to only have a few friends they are really close with.

Just know you are not alone when you are here as we all support each other

[CatInABox]

Well, I'm currently well past studying (for the moment). My family relationships aren't the greatest either. I tend to "hide" myself from everyone and that includes family. The only one I really do keep in contact with is my mother. Things aren't the greatest at home either for me, but that is another issue that I don't really want to get into at the moment. When I said I was completely alone, I meant it. My only support system are my GP and psychologist if I don't include beyondblue.

I've tried setting up little goals for myself but I rarely if ever accomplish them. I just figure that if I keep pushing, eventually I'll get somewhere. Sometimes I force myself to leave the house, other times I just run out of there but that's when I feel like it's become a prison. I try to see the positives in things but to be honest, there's more negatives than positives. My biggest reason for "fixing" myself is my husband. I think he deserves to be married to a whole person or at least someone that's a little capable. Taking care of the home, I can do; outside life? Not completely possible. On top of that, any little victory I may experience usually turns into ash really quickly but that's another issue I don't want to get into at the moment. I've learned a long time ago to not become too attached or to want something because sooner or later it gets taken away. My husband has a problem with that but it's true to my experiences.

Also excuse me if my post is sounding like a downer; I guess I've been in a low mood for the entire weekend.

[MsPurple]

Hi Cat. Sorry I have moved states so trying to play catch up on some of the threads I have posted on recently

Sorry your feel alone, but I will tell you, you are not a downer. We are all on here for support and understanding and we all understand that involves venting here. It is really good that you are pushing yourself to get out of the house. I know now you may not see all the positives, but it is a great thing to do. In the long run getting out of the house today and trying to overcome this one step at a time will lead to more and more positives. You may not see it right away, but in the long run the positives will outweigh the negatives I promise. I know it can be hard to open up to people and it can be hard to let you feel 'attached' to something. Unfortunatetly depression can make us feel this way. We feel so down on ourselves and so undeserving that we don't want to let others in due to making them disapointed. But let me tell you when I started to open up (I was able to do this with the help of CBT and therapy) it felt like a weight was lifted and I was able to talk to my family and open up to them. They were not dissapointed in me and they didn't feel like I was a burden, they were glad I could show them my true self and they helped me move on.

I hope you are feeling better today hun. I suggest that for a few days you right down all the positives you have done for a day (do not write the negatives) and you will see how much your really achieve.