Friendship trust issues and one stressed mum

[Kiakaha]

I have had PND since having my last child at the time things started getting hard before diagnosis.

I had started to make someone what i thought were good friends i ended up pushing them away and picking on small things they done. In my head they were the worst ppl. I have since come to realise it may have been the PND and me causing the problem.

i also had another friend who i have had as support and spoke with on regular basis about the other friend and how it made me feel. This friend has now become friends with other ones. Im having constant aniexty that this friend will break my trust and speak to them about what i have said.

do i arrange coffee explain what has happened how i feel and have felt to orginal friend to get ride if this aniexty or just leave it and see how it plays out.

[Croix]

Dear Kiakaha~

I'd like to welcome you here and let you know that many here will understand. Depression of any sort can make one view the world in a most bleak and distorted manner and affect one's behavior accordingly. I really hope that you have the correct medical support and that you are improving.

In the same way as depression anxiety can make one wish to act, if only to try to stop the worry. Sometimes it forces us to take action which is good, other times things might have been better left alone. I think that may be your motivation now.

Looking at it another way, you did say you pushed that first friend away and were unreasonable picking on small things and thinking the worst. Do you think in fairness and friendship it might be worth thinking of trying to patch up that relationship? Even if matters were left with harsh words many times someone who was a friend can remain one underneath and will try to be understanding in the right circumstances.

Contacting your friend because you want things to be right between you is a different matter from simply trying to head off trouble, and I'd imagine you would feel differently as a result.

What do you think?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Kiakaha, please let me welcome you to the forums.

I'm so sorry that you have had PND because it rubbed off onto me after my wife had it and yes it was horrible.

This friend may not break the trust between the two of you, they may know what you were struggling with and support you, to try and smooth out any rough spots, so they maybe doing you a favour.

I would try and arrange a coffee because if you do this then you will feel better, it's all about looking after yourself. Geoff.

[Tams20]

Hi Kiakaha,

I can really relate to your post - I have a relatively new friend that I have been enjoying spending time with and have opened up to. I struggle with this openness and on several occasions I have found myself picking on the smallest things, like you said - overthinking everything they had ever done or said and thinking the worst. Most of the time I can pull myself through it without them knowing what is happening, but on a couple of occasions I’ve tried to push my friend away with some quite nasty behaviour. Thankfully she has seen through it and not let me do it, but it has been a bit upsetting for both of us.

I definitely think you should try to have a coffee and talk to your friend. Mine told me today she had no idea what her next step should be after my last outburst, she was left in a ‘gulping goldfish pose’ 😂. If I hadn’t have tried to make amends she wouldn’t have known what to do. Your friend is probably feeling the same way!

You’ve got nothing to lose by talking to her, I think you should consider it.

Tams