Overwhelming guilt & depression

[WinnieB]

Hello all,

first post for me! A bit disjointed at 2am!

I have suffered from varying bouts of depression for the past 16 years.

I am finding myself now to be going through the motions of working and being a Mum and wife but when the weekend rolls around I hit the wall. I get done just what I need to do and then I go to sleep. I’m totally exhausted and even after a few hours doing shopping etc I just want to collapse. My house is suffering as I don’t have the motivation to clean any more.

My husband is as supportive as he can be but thinks if I just get out and do things I will feel better. When I feel like this I don’t want to leave home.

I sleep, I cry, I look after my son (teenager) and sleep some more. My husband works most weekends which doesn’t help.

I am on medication but not currently seeing a psychologist. I would appreciate any suggestions.... thanks, WB

[geoff]

Hello WinnieB, please let me welcome you to the site.

Suffering for 16 years is far too long and I am really sorry for you.

To me 2 am is not disjointed as I'm up by then, but been talking with a dear friend, which has always been great.

A working mum as well as being a wife always has a 24/7 job, it is exhausting and any spare time all you want to do is sleep, but now you are taking medication I do seriously suggest that you ask your doctor for a referral to visit a psychologist, ask them about the mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 free visits.

Just another suggestion is that the psychologist you do see has to connect with you and you have to feel comfortable in talking to them, because what you don't say maybe the keys points to unlocking this depression of 16 years, please come back and tell us.Geoff.

[WinnieB]

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for replying and for welcoming me.

I have had mental health plans and seen quite a few psychologists. The one who was the best has gone off to do further study and I can no longer have access to her. I usually know by the second visit that they aren’t a good fit for me and then I think it knocks my confidence to have to try again with a new person. It’s laying your soul bare to a stranger and can be very difficult as I am sure you would know too. What you mentioned about connecting with them is so true.

i actually feel even more useless & hopeless because I can’t find the right person to talk to and seek help from. Does that make sense?

thanks again, WB

[monkey_magic]

Hi WinnieB,

It takes time & effort to find the right match. I'm in my mid 30's & still haven't found the right partner so not to worry. It will come in time.

It sounds like you've hit a wall & perhaps don't have enough " you" time to do lovely things for yourself. Happens to the best of us life & people just " take "over at times.

If u feel safe & comfortable you can anonymously share here if u feel it will be a release for you. I've been doing it for quite some time now. I really hope you start to feel good again. Any ideas of what u can do?

[WinnieB]

Hi Monkey Magic,

I was referring to finding a psychologist who I connect with, I have a lovely husband. He doesn’t know what to do with me and has his own issues to deal with as well.

I think it’s really difficult to find a psychologist who really gets you and you feel comfortable with.

I have definitely hit the wall and I’m not sure how to bounce back. I do not do enough nice things for myself and need to try to do that more often. Life does get in the way, you are so right!

I think this forum may be good for me as you all seem like a caring bunch.

Thanks for replying and offering me some positive feedback.

WB

[monkey_magic]

Hi again WinnieB,

Yeah I knew you meant a psychologist, I was just comparing that I was 35 without the right partner yet to your experience of not finding the right psychologist. I'm glad you have a lovely husband.

I find physical activity to be a great help for me. I literally swam my way out of depression and started some exciting projects and a business to keep me going. Physical activities really helps the brain & gives u energy...do u walk at all, would you find that helpful?

[WinnieB]

Hi Monkey Magic,

ok, yes I guess it is similar.

I am trying to some physical activity into my life but haven’t succeeded yet. I have been so exhausted that th thought of it makes me feel sick.

i will start walking, just baby steps and increase as I am able. A lot of people swear by exercise. The swimming sounds like it helped you.

Thanks, WB

[geoff]

Hi Winnie, firstly it is disappointing when you go and visit a psychologist and communication between the two of you is rather strange, whereas you can walk into a room and suddenly feel the connection without anything being said.

It's the aura in the air, we all know what that feels like, it's lovely.

Physical exercise has been known to help with depression, however I was one who was the opposite and when my psychologist said to me that I should go walking I didn't have the strength or inclination, whereas for many people that's exactly what they need.

Can I suggest that you write down on a piece of paper, remember to photocopy it, so all you need to do is hand over this document to the new psychologist, this will help in repeating the same story.

What I did was draw a spider web, I was in the middle, and drew each situation that was attacking me, it was very complicated, so maybe point by point maybe easier for them to understand. Geoff.

[WinnieB]

Hi Geoff, you are quite right, the communication between you has to be just right. I always feel really uplifted when I know I am going to see a new psych in the hope that I will feel better. Anyway I have had a recommendation for a new one and I am seeing her tomorrow. I am about to sit down and write your up your spider web, historically and currently. I like that idea a lot! Thanks for the suggestion.

I agree with the exercise, I always feel so depleted that the thought of it makes me feel sick. Maybe with the right treatment I can start to exercise and feel the benefits.

Thanks Geoff, your suggestions have been helpful.

I hope everyone is having a reasonable day. WB

[Doolhof]

Hi WinnieB,

I too welcome you to the community here. I see that Geoff and Monkey_Magic have already connected with you.

I wish you all the very best with your appointment tomorrow. It does help to have information written down to take with you.

I really like Geoff's idea of the spider web. I am going to use that myself, but in a different way, I am going to use all the sticky little threads to help me acknowledge and comprehend how far reaching my positivity can expand! I can place one of my volunteering roles in the web, then show myself all the positives attached to that.

Thanks Geoff! Excellent idea!

Walking certainly helps me, I am getting into it again now the weather is a lot cooler in our region. I even found that "dancing" to music when no one was around at home helped me to feel better on so many levels.

Another thing I am trying to put into place, is to do something nice for myself before I start the house work. I might sit and have a coffee and do a Sudoku Puzzle for example than sweep the floors. Once I have accomplished a job I try to tell myself I have done well.

A bit of self praise can go a long way! Ha. Ha.

Wishing you well. Cheers from Dools