First time on line, long time sufferer

[Lizbon]

I've been trying to cope with depression for as long as I can remember. It's triggered by multiple events in my life.

I have hidden it from people for so long, by coping in my ways. Unfortunately this time round I have hurt people I love the most.

My mood swings have been out of control. My husband has stepped in and is helping me to see the right people and is making sure I try medication. Problem is I have massive high and lows. I'm not clear headed and I don't feel like im in control any more. lol he calls it mid life crisis.

I did better in coping when people left me alone. and now I find myself smothered with family trying to help.

I can be happy one min, cry the next, be angry and do crazy things. I have alot of hate and love at the same time.

I don't sleep and can't turn off. I work crazy hours to occupy my mind. Music is my best friend.

I want this emptiness to stop. I want to stop looking for things to feel alive, I want to feel normal just for once.

So this is where my mind is ticking over... the big questions... What do I want?? What will make me happy. what can a do to change the rut I'm in. What is my future? Oh good morning everyone. 🙂 Nice to meet you and look forward to input from people that dont know me. I'm tired of people thinking that they do.

[Tams20]

Hi Lizbon,

Wow, I think we are literally the same person! I have had everyone fooled for so long, I still could if I wanted to. If I channeled this talent into actual acting I’d be a multiple Oscar winner for sure. I know how to cheat a questionnaire and I can evade pretty much any question thrown at me. I’m expert at diverting conversation away from me and can be the life of any party, keeping everyone entertained, even though I’m falling apart inside.

Even now with my newfound knowledge of my condition, I still haven’t told any of my old friends what is going on - instead, I have only told a handful of ‘newer’ friends who I feel safer telling... like perhaps they don’t know me well enough and can’t track back to weird things I have done in the past and go ‘that must have been because she’s bipolar’...

I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted by it. Takes a lot of energy and brain-power and prevents me from forming healthy relationships with people. I think I’m ready to be known as someone who is far from perfect and hasn’t got it together at all. Not sure what I am trying to achieve by hiding the real me anyway, will hurt me more than anyone else.

Time to let go I think!

Tams

[Lizbon]

LOL,

Tam's

OMG, please get out of my head... lol

I've told no one... unfortunately my husband in his normal helpful-self.. decided to announce it to everyone for me. I haven't spoken to family or friend or visited most of them since Christmas day. I go out of my way not to talk to anyone. avoid all social events. I don't want them to feel they need to forgive me for my stupidity. If my husband can forgive me I understand why, but I can't expect other to be as forgiving just because he has. Everyone has the right to have their own opinion.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lizbon,

We will never know how anyone is going to react to what we tell them until we have said it. Some people like to change the subject because it is too difficult or they just don't want to listen.

Some people have no understanding and don't know what to say. People may think about what has said and get back to you later with their thoughts and feelings.

It can be hard to be up front and honest. At times we have to pick and choose who we are going to revel information to.

It all depends on what we are comfortable with. Now your husband has told people, it might open doors for discussion, or it might close some as well.

Time will tell. The thing is to work out what you really want.

Do you want to be the same person or try to be someone different?

Cheers from Dools

[Lizbon]

I would love to be myself.. but I have no idea how that is any more.

I don't think I ever did.

🙂 thank you Dools.

[Tams20]

Hi Lizbon,

You’re probably not far from being ‘yourself’ anyway, just let your guard down (at least a little bit to start) and don’t put so much effort into being the chameleon. You’ll probably find that the really you is pretty close to what you believe is you ‘acting’ anyway. That’s what I’ve found - I’m much the same, just a bit more relaxed now.

Your husband has done the hard work for you anyway, I don’t think you should worry too much about what people will think or say. Everyone I have told are still treating me the same, they’re not bothered by it. They ask me how I am with a bit more concern than before, but it’s entirely up to me whether I want to talk about it or not. The only difference is if I go off the radar they tend to check up on me, which is quite helpful. Nothing over the top, just a message to see how I’m going. Or suggesting a catch up. Keeps me from wallowing in self-pity.

Try not to hide away, get out there and see what happens - you might be pleasantly surprised at the lack of fuss 😂

Tams