Struggling to stay strong

[cowgirl22]

Back when I was 18 I struggled with severe depression that lasted 2 years

I was free of this demon for 2 years but it's coming back, its hard for me to admit defeat as I'm quite strong but the last few months have proved otherwise

I work full time in early childhood, study full time and have family issues I'm struggling to keep my emotions in control

Really needing someone other then family to talk (vent) to

Cowgirl22

[Peppermintbach]

Hi cowgirl,

I hope you don’t mind if I extend a caring welcome to you to the forums 🙂

You have clearly had some very difficult times in your life. Things have been very rough recently too. It must be awful to feel as though you’re “relapsing” (so to speak).

You clearly lead a busy life and I would think it’s very stressful to juggle so many things...

I’m glad you reached out on the forums. Sometimes i think it helps to let things out by writing about them. You’re always welcome to use this space to vent and share more (if you wish). There are many compassionate people here 🙂

kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Summer Rose]

Hi cowgirl 22

I'm sorry that your depression seems to be coming back. Just a few thoughts for you to consider ...

Remember that depression is an illness. You didn't ask for it, it just is. Even strong people are affected by illnesses. Being unwell doesn't make you weak. It makes you human.

I do not see defeat. I see a set back. And there's a big difference between the two. I know it's hard and I empathise with you. I really do. I understand that it's scary and sad because it's familiar territory but I also know that this gives you an edge right now.

You know a lot more about your illness now than you did the first time around. You also know a lot more about healing--and what treatments work best for you--than you did before. You know you can do this, you've done it before.

I want to encourage you to act by making a plan. You might want to include re-engaging with your GP and treating practitioners. Consider increasing the time you have available for exercising and socialising (you could do both by joining a local walking group). Perhaps you could set aside some time each day to do something that brings you joy, to help balance out the pain. And, if it helps, keep posting. You will continue to be heard and supported.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

[PamelaR]

Hi Cowgirl

Welcome to Beyond Blue (BB) forums. You've already received some good advice. There's little I can add, other than reinforcing that depression isn't a weakness or a failing. Depression is an illness that needs good management. You obviously did this previously and you can do it again. If you don't already know, depression is something that stays with you. It's learning ongoing management and coping skills.

What is good is there are many people who are here to help support you and I'm sure you'll here from others. Also the BB homepage has a lot of good material on planning, managing, coping with depression. Have a look round. Every time I do I find something new and think. Wow, that's great information to share with people.

One big thing for me personally, is to learn not to be afraid when I'm starting to dive into depression. For me, being afraid only worsens the impact and doesn't help with recovery. It's great you know the signals of when you're not well. It's now working out what the best source of recovery is for you.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[cowgirl22]

Thank you summer

I think I'm going to go back to my gp to help me in some way, having depression again scares me as it was so bad before and I don't enjoy talking about my last experience with it cause I was in a very dark place then and I'm feeling they nursery again

Thanks for replying to me

[cowgirl22]

Having depression again scares me, as I suffered for 2 years with it quite severely.

As I posted before I work and study full time, trying to find a new place for my partner and I to live as we are in a bad situation in a share house plus family stuff and honestly right now I feel defeated and lost under a cloud of darkness

[Summer Rose]

Hi cowgirl22

Hearing from you again has warmed my heart. You are not alone my dear cowgirl.

I really believe that you are on the right track with your plan to go back and see your GP. It's okay to be afraid, I think given what you are enduring it's unfortunately to be expected. But I know that you can do this. You are doing it. By posting here you are reaching out for support and it will be no different talking with your GP. If you don't think you can get the words out perhaps you could write them down and give them to your GP. Move through this slowly, one step at a time, and it will not seem so daunting.

I understand you when you say you feel defeated and lost under a cloud of darkness. I have been there too. I have had days where there has been but a single ray of hope to light the way but surprisingly that has been enough. Hope is a good thing, a powerful thing, maybe the best of things. Hold onto your hope and move forward.

You mention your partner, is your partner able to support you? You said earlier that you don't want to talk with family but maybe reaching out to your partner could help, even if it's just to help you two find a new place to live as this will lighten your enormous load. What do you think?

[cowgirl22]

Thank you for your support

Today's not a very good day for me things haven't gone the way I thought it would and Its been extremely hard emotionally

[Summer Rose]

Hi again

I'm sorry it's been a bad day. Breath. Be kind to yourself. Believe it will get better because it will.

Do you want to talk about it?