Feeling alone

[Lou68]

Hi there

Am new to this forum.

Just having a bit of bad day. See I have a few of these.

I suffer from depression. I take medication and have been to counselling.

Do you sometimes feel like you talk and talk but are still getting no where.

I lost my dad a year ago, and now both my parents are passed away. My brothers and sisters don't communicate with me.

Feeling alone as I used to be able to talk to my dad about anything without judgement.

I have opened up to friends but I feel that you keep on saying the same thing to them all the time and that they are sick of hearing me say the same thing.

My current partner is going through is own issues and really doesn't want to hear about my stuff, so I can talk to him.

I have a teenager daughter who I tend to yell out when I'm frustrated.

Just feeling very lost and alone..

I am also struggling with my weight and struggle with any motivation.

I work full time and even struggle to do this some days.

I suppose putting this post on maybe I can just communicate through here without feeling judged.

Thank you for reading.

Lou

[MarkJT]

Hey Lou, welcome to the forums and awesome that you have posted and reached out.

You are now part of an extremely caring and protective community. We all look after each other in here and you will never ever be judged. A large percentage of the people who actively use this site have all gone through their own respective mental health journey's and so many are still travelling theirs.

Sorry to hear about you father, losing loved ones is an extremely difficult and turbulent time and I think you never actually get over it, you just get used to it and learn to live without them. It is only a year since you lost perhaps the most influential male in your life, you are still grieving this.

Is there a chance that you can re-connect with your siblings? You have shown a whole lot of courage posting what is happening in your life in the forum, can you use some of that courage to give them a ring? send a message or connect somehow?

Motivation is a funny thing. People think that super athletes are highly motivated. I tend to disagree with this. I think they are motivated part of the time but the rest of the time they are doing their job out of habit. It takes 21 days straight to make a habit. Do you think you could get yourself a journal or similar and promise yourself that for the next 21 days no matter what, you are going to walk around your block, rain hail or shine. If you can do this, then you have created a habit. Once a habit is established then you don't have to worry about motivation as much.

Yes there have been times where i have talked and talked and didn't feel i was getting anywhere, but i continued to see my psych and other people and continued to talk. The way i looked at my PTSD, depression and anxiety is that it was poison within me so the more i spoke the more the poison left me. Keep talking, bottling it up will not help you. There is the beyondblue helpline on 1300 224 636. Never ever hesitate to give them a ring and chat if you feel you need to.

Keep engaging, reading and posting in the forums, we hear you, we listen to you and we are chatting to you.

Cheers

Mark.

[Lou68]

HI Mark

Thank you for replying.

It has been a hard year but some days are harder than others.

Some of my siblings I had tried to reach out to with no avail. We were not close when my dad was alive and this wasn't going to happen after he passed even though I had tried.

I can't stick to something for more than a day at the moment. Trying to break a habit for 21 days I know about this but sometimes feeling you can't even leave the house or move. It frustrating.

i have been bottling it up for a while now, need to head back to my doctor and have a chat with him as I am always honest with him, even though that is very difficult. I will do that this week.

Thank you again for replying to my post, means the world

Lou

[Lou68]

PS. I missed reading the journal part.

I suppose that is it. Making a promise to myself. Not to anyone else but myself.

something to think about.

Lou

[MsPurple]

Hi Lou and welcome to BB forums.

I can't imagine my parents not being around. Sorry to hear about your dads passing. I am not as close with my siblings of late so I can't really talk to him and get close to him anymore. It can feel lonely not having your siblings support, but I can't completly relate. I try to communicate with him without his reply sometimes and it can be frustrating. I try to keep at it in the hope we can become close.

I am only 25 so I don't have any kids. But my mum was diagnosed with bipolar growing up. Have you talked to your daughter about mental illness? Maybe you could have a talk to her about it. So she can understand. So if you get frustrated at her she will not take it personally. I get quiet irritable and short when my depression flares up, it is quiet common. My mum told me she was diagnosed with bipolar. She didn't tell me all her problems but she educated me on it, so I understood what was happening and I became more understanding. I think it helped our relationship me knowing. It also gave me some confidence telling her about my anxiety and I got support from her.

I kept a journal when I was in my first year of uni. I kept reading it when I was still in the middle of a flare up. It didn't help when I did that. I think keeping a journal is a really good thing. Helps you get your feelings out, but if you are like me you may need to wait till the flare up has passed before reading it. Some of my past notes have helped me with my next flare up

Hope some of this has helped.

Steph

[Lou68]

Hello MsPurple

Thank you for commenting on my post.

Yes I have spoken to her about it. She is at that tender age that everything is about her which is okay. I have learnt to communicate with her but some days are more difficult that others.

I used to keep a journal to write down my feelings but I couldn't always look at it.

I do have a positive journal beside my bed to see the positive things I have been up to.

Its sometimes hard to see through this fog.

it must of been tough growing up with a mum who had bipolar. But I'm glad you had a good line of communication of her. Make sure you keep this up.

My siblings which I have 5 of, I am not close with but that is why I miss dad so much as I could always chat to him no matter what.

Thank you for listening.

Lou

[MarkJT]

Lou, great stuff in continuing to engage in here, well done.

Absolutely 21 days is a long time to be doing it but how about this. Start at 1 day and when you accomplish that, aim for 2, then 3, then 4 etc. There is no rule book that says you have to get it done first try. If you get to 4 and then don't do it, it's all good - that four more times you have done it. Start again and work your way until you hit 21 and then you are away.

This exercise is noting to do with failure, failure is possible because even if it is in your mind, you are succeeding.

You have had a really hard time, it is expected that things will be difficult but its the small things that matter. I am a close follower of American Football. The New England Patriots are the power side of the last decade and their coach, Bill Belicheck's catchcry is "Do the small things right" and that is why they are just so dam successful.

So, the small things that you do add up to big things. Diet, exercise, mindfulness and trying to create healthy habits are the small things we can control during the day and evening and sometimes night. You may not be able to control your mind at the moment but you sure as hell can control the small things.

Keep going, you are doing so very well and we are all proud of you.

Mark.