Feel like my life is falling apart

[Guest4321]

Hi,

In December 2019, I had just accepted a new job and was about to relocate from Perth to Brisbane with my husband to be closer to family and eventually start a family of our own. One week before our flight I woke up in the middle of the night with this feeling in my gut that my Husband was not coming with me so I told him about this expecting him to deny it and reassure me instead he said that he wasn’t coming with me as he had decided he didn’t want children. I pushed him to go speak to a psychologist to make sure that was what he wanted and wasn’t a decision based on fear and depression. He agreed and although he moved out he said he was committed to trying to save our marriage... over the next few weeks he told me he thought he was gay (which he later took back), that he was a sex addict and a compulsive liar. I discovered he had been engaging in online sexting with strangers via Reddit for 3 years (We had only been married 3.5 although we’re together 9.5). Throughout all of this I said I would forgive him if he got help but he ultimately decided he didn’t want to. Since then I have had to sell our house and figure out our finances and coordinate everything, whilst trying to cope with the emotional aspect, whilst starting a new job, whilst living with my parents during lock down. I started dating this guy while I was still in shock phase of my divorce and while I like him. I don’t think I am ready for what he wants. Due to my lack of energy and depression I am now struggling to perform in my job. I don’t know how to pull myself out of this downward spiral.

[therising]

Hi Sarah

Wow, you must be thoroughly exhausted after having run this psychological marathon. I imagine many of your physical systems have been exhausted as well, your nervous system included.

You sound like a very intuitive person. That feeling in your gut led you to question the questionable. Do you intuitively feel you need to slow everything down a bit now, including slowing this current relationship down? Do you want to learn how to feel more naturally relaxed? Wondering if there are any places around you that offer meditation sessions. I know, may be a bit hard to find with all this social distancing stuff going on at the moment. Do you think finding a circle of like minded people, who want to learn to relax, sounds like your thing?

If your current relationship is getting your nervous system worked up a little (to stress or anxiety) take notice of these feelings. Although challenges can be good, the ones that get us 'worked up', sometimes it pays to ask our self 'Is this challenge really necessary right now?' Relaxing into a relationship might be exactly what you need. Expressing to your partner 'I've just spent so many months in mental and physical hyperactivity and really need to relax for a while, so let's take it slow' might help him relate a little better. You could even go one step further and ask for lots of relaxing massages 🙂 Make the most of it.

Take a breath Sarah and get a sense of what you need 🙂