Hi Sammyhen52
Sometimes I think 'If I had to rename the anxiety I feel at times, what would I call it?'. Sometimes I call it fear, sometimes uncertainty, sometimes a terrifying lack of faith in myself, sometimes overwhelm or too much pressure etc. I came to give it a different more accurate definition because I needed to know what it's based on. Sometimes it's based on my imagination and what I imagine is going to happen or fear of the unknown. Other times it's based on past experience and being able to predict exactly what's going to happen.
In the past, when my kids were younger, I used to fear expressing myself honestly with my husband. While he's never been a physically aggressive guy, there were occasions where he was verbally aggressive to the point where it was stressful and upsetting. Btw, I think it can be somewhat different when our kids are younger. We can fear the idea of having to raise them as a single parent, so the mantra becomes 'Don't rock the boat and everything will be fine'. There can be a horrible sense of dread in expressing ourself honestly. We can dread our partner's reaction and the names we may be called, dread them dismissing our concerns, dread them not caring enough to respond to certain needs (dread the heartbreak) and the list goes on. The relationship can be either a somewhat dreadful or fearful one until something changes. There does come a point where we have to either step away from the relationship (to safeguard our physical, mental, emotional and soulful wellbeing) or step forward into the relationship while pushing back in the process of shifting boundaries. It can be so hard to see just how much our boundaries have shifted over time with a person we know, not just our partner. They can shift through us trying to be more tolerant and accepting. They shift through finding new ways to manage so as not to rock that boat. They can shift as our self esteem diminishes for one reason or another and so on.
It was actually my daughter who woke me up to a lot, regarding my relationship with her father. The day she said to me 'Mum, the bar is on the ground', I asked her what she meant. She said 'We set the bar based on how we want to be treated. Your bar is on the ground. You need to raise it and have others rise to meet it. You need to start thinking hard about how you expect others to treat you'. She's a wise one. I discovered something rather amazing while raising that bar. I discovered self esteem rises with it and when self esteem rises, fear gradually begins to diminish.
Sammyhen52, when redefining anxiety I never expected to discover just how much anxiety and courage feel the same. I suppose this relates to Mark Twain's quote, 'Courage is not the absence of fear but the triumph over it'. The feeling of courage rising within can be a stomach churning, heart racing and breathtaking experience. Courage can generate an enormous amount of energy.
