Disappointed

[In_use]

I had what I guess was psychosis earlier. I had just reached the bottom of my stairs, and my music was playing quite loudly, when I realized the band was singing completely different lyrics. They were clearly singing about a group of men who were coming after me and what they'd do when they got hold of me. I've had recurring nightmare's since I was 11. I'm now 52. The only thing that's stopped them for the past 10 years, is my medication. Though I still occasionally have one. Anyway, I realized after, that what was being sung was what my nightmares were about. When I first noticed the lyrics I don't even know how to explain how I felt. I was trying to make sense of what I was hearing. Then I thought maybe I was asleep and dreaming, but I just couldn't wrap my head around what was happening. It's really hard to explain everything I was thinking and feeling, but I began to completely panic. In order to work out if I was asleep or crazy or whatever, I went outside to go to my friend and neighbour's. She was asleep though so I came home and rang my friend. He was able to put my feet back on the ground and calm me down enough that I realized I'd had like a 'psychotic episode'. It was horrific, it really was. It took me hours to stop feeling crazy and having weird tourettes like movements and doing this weird moaning, groaning noise. I realize that after 40 years of carrying all this shame and pain around, I have to start seeing a psychologist and try to work out a way to deal with it. Quite clearly I can't move forward without doing that. It's like I'm rupturing, and the memories are starting to seep out, but they've become rotten and diseased and all the more painful. It feels disgusting, and I'm praying there WILL be a way to work through this. If anyone has had any similar experiences like my episode tonight, and has had counselling, do you have any tips on how to manage? Or general comments about whether you found it helped or didn't help? I'd appreciate it.

[Ggrand]

Hello In use,

Welcome to the forums...

I am so sorry that these things are happening to you...They do sounds really frightening and upsetting...I have had a couple of psychotic moments, but nothing compared to what’s happening to you...I do hope that you are okay..

You said that you think it’s time for you to see a psychologist to try to work out a way to deal with it...You seem to recognise that you need help to do this...Well done, sometimes it’s really hard to admit that we need help and then carry on with reaching out for it....I think that maybe it would be a good idea to reach out to your Dr, as he/she can get you started on your mental health care plan....which includes some free therapy sessions with a psychologist or counsellor...

I think that the first step forward is the want, the want to get ourselves as well as we can both in our mental and physical health...

Talk here anytime you feel up it...we are here for you, to help support you the best we can...

My kind thoughts dear In use..

Grandy..

[In_use]

Thank you so much Grandy. I actually have a referral sitting here now. I haven't made an appt yet because I also have agoraphobia, but I do know I have to. Last night scared me to death. I'm currently going through the redress scheme for historical sexual abuse. Ugh I hate those words. They just don't cut it. Theyre said so easily. But Im sure this falling apart is directly connected. Im just scared that talking to a psych will make it worse because talking to my advocate from Micah has been what's triggered my Meniere's and my agoraphobia really badly. Its like going thru it again. Still I cant go through another episode like last night again. I might talk to her about whether I should go in to hospital to start off. Its really frightening.

Anyway, thank you again for your comment. I will seek help. I'll just ask her some questions first. All the best to you.