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Do I need to continue going to therapy? Or am I just being selfish and over focused on myself?

Losttwentysomething_
Community Member

I am questioning whether I need to continue on with therapy, I have just finished 10 sessions with a psychologist that specializes in EMDR therapy and unfortunately that is the only therapy that she offers, I am unsure if it really helped looking back, I ended up feeling worse after my sessions and found it hard to feel better about myself afterwards

 

I would like someone to talk to about my worries or concerns without having to go my family and friends about them all the time. I have been told in the past by a previous counselor that I am being too hard on myself and that I put too much pressure on myself, when I questioned on how do I stop doing that I never really got an answer, just constant cycle of being told to do breathing, grounding techniques and to 'do something you enjoy', journalling, etc

 

I recently had a good few months where I was keeping busy with work and social events that my need to panic and cry all the time kinda subsided which was a surprise, I haven't really had a good period of my life where this happened or when I did it was only ever a few days or so before being sucked back into my usual panicking, excessive worrying,'not trying hard enough' self.

 

I constantly question if I am 'doing enough in life' I see job adverts for positions that sound more appealing than my current job/s and question if I should apply for it, or suck it up and be grateful for what I have, even if the job bores me, I question if I am doing enough in my social life and if I should be doing more hobbies as that is the advice I am given if I want to make more friends ('put yourself out there'), make myself do stuff for the sake of it. On my hand I should be grateful for what I have in life but that nagging voice and other peoples comments make me question if I am doing enough and what else I could be doing to better myself

5 Replies 5

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Losttwentysomething_, 
  Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others, many will understand some of what you’re going through. We can hear how difficult the past few years have been, we’re so sorry that’s been going on. 
  It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in getting some support. It’s incredibly difficult when treatment doesn’t have any quick answers, and it can be a really difficult journey. We encourage you to keep your doctor updated on what’s going on for you and seek a second opinion from a differing doctor if are looking for additional perspectives on your treatment. 
  If you want to talk through what you’re feeling at any time, the Beyond Blue Support Line is here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. You can also reach them via Online Chat on our site.  
  Thanks again for sharing. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else. 
  Kind regards, 
  Sophie M 

P12
Community Member

Hi Losttwentysomething,

 

When I read your post I feel hopeful we could have interesting conversation because I think we share similar perceptions of the world.

 

My story is described in an adjacent thread on this forum. I have participated in approximately forty meetings with counsellors, social workers, and psychologists since 2017. I think I am a little older than you, but not much.

 

Reading your message I sense that you feel let down and frustrated because you deeply value and seek support, but you think you aren’t receiving it. Is this fair?

 

Theoretically I think there are three paths you could take, according to my interpretation of your situation. Ultimately I think humans must make choices for themselves.

- Continue with the same practitioner.

- Continue with a different practitioner.

- Discontinue with practitioners.

 

Part 1/2. (My message is less than 2500 characters but I still receive an error.)

P12
Community Member

Part 2/2. (My message is less than 2500 characters but I still receive an error.)

 

I wonder if you could try a small change of strategy. I have found it more useful to direct practitioners towards the outcomes I would like to achieve than for them to direct me. I have approached my practitioner relationships very analytically, using experimentation, critical analysis, and evidence. However, I believe psychotherapy is only partly objective. It is also a domain of trial and error to find someone with whom I have rapport. I found it most valuable to meet my practitioners relatively infrequently (~three monthly).
 
I have also found it helpful to try harder and harder to make do with means that are available to me. For example, I set a large divide in my life between "curricular" and "extracurricular" activities. "Curricular" mainly refers to my work but also at a more abstract level to activities that are largely (but not completely) out of my control. "Extracurricular" mainly refers to recreational activities but also at a more abstract level to activities for which I don’t have much support. I don't understand or agree with some of the curricular activities I perform, but I take pride in doing them. Then I put as much effort as possible into actions that are meaningful to me, sometimes even in opposition to what I have worked on in the other division of my life! I value intellectual not practical activity. It is incredibly fun to marvel at intellectual achievements.
 
I think some of my strategies are major themes in many aspects of humanity (psychotherapy, science, religion, philosophy, economics).
 
What do you think? Would you like to continue communicating with me on this thread?
 
From P12.

romantic_thi3f
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Losttwentysomething_

 

Thank you for reaching out.  Some great support here and I hoped you find it helpful to post.

 

I can relate a lot to what you're going through, and do a lot of EMDR as well.  One of the things my therapist would say is 'whose voice is that?' - if you're questioning that you're not doing enough in life, 'whose voice is that?'.  Is that you wanting to be doing more? Or is it this idea that you're not doing enough for whatever reason?

 

I only have a few friends and a couple of hobbies, mostly a homebody and that's okay.  There's no reason you 'have to' do more.   You also don't have to stop yourself and be grateful.  You can be grateful for your job while wanting to look for something more appealing!


What is it that you want and how is it that you feel? 😊 

 

David35
Community Member

Listen to your own inner voice, not everyone else's. That would be my advice. Only you know what your abilities, limits, desires are. At the end of the day, you've got to be content with your decisions, not other people's decisions placed upon you.

I'm 46 and have a woodworking hobby. Even at my age, I always get some neighbour or well meaning person think they know what's best for me and my hobby. They give me all sorts of unsolicited advice such as what products to build and sell, which machines to own, even which brands or joinery methods to use. After a while, it becomes so confusing, and no longer enjoyable because it appears im doing everything wrong. But the reality is they don't know what's best for me and my hobby. I do. And when I realise that, life becomes enjoyable again because then I'm living my life on my terms, not everyone else's. 

Hope this helps.