Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Thanks for the update and happy New Year—let’s hope 2026 is a good one!

Glad you had a good break from work but hear you on the sleep issues. Whenever I get out of routine I have the same experience. No screens or caffeine a couple of hours before bed and dim lighting about a half hour before bed seems to help. Oh, and a warm Horlicks drink can also help you sleep (something about the malted milk and how it interacts with the body).

Great news about your potential friend. It’s possible that when you asked her about a continuing friendship that you caught her off guard. What was the signal she sent you?

Sorry about how you felt after your discussion group. On the positive side, you did have a participant for half an hour and that’s better than it could have been.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

I had a meeting with a new short term counsellor three days ago. I found that they were unwilling to continue speaking with me because I said I also have three other ongoing practitioners. It is something ai have encountered before.

My clinical psychologist appears to be attempting to make me improve my wellbeing by subordinating other people's rules and laws to mine. However, I am not sure it is ethical to ignore the law. He also says I should consider changing jobs to improve my wellbeing. However, after several years of effort I am no closer to identifying a job that would be more sustainable than my current one.

I am working with my career consultant to identify ways to improve my wellbeing at work or determine a more sustainable job, but similarly I have not identified a credible alternative.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I'm not sure a short term councilor would be a great deal of help to you. Apart from not wanting to go against your regular treatment they hardly have time to get to know you and what treatments you have had in the past -and their effect. so it is frustrating, however trying to train your regular specialists may bear more fruit.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say your clinical psychologist is encouraging you to look to your own wishes and also to break hte law. The fist part I can understand, you do need to come first, the second part simply leaves me lost and in surprise.

Considering changing jobs may be a sensible option if you can find one suitable, something oyu have not had much luck wiht so far. Can I suggest htat volunteering may be a way to 'dip your toe' into various occupations to give you an idea if you want to go further. 

The range you can choose from is astounding, from conducting guided tours in a museum to Red Cross assistant searching for missing people. It is not all serving in thrift shops.

Croix

[P12]

Hi Croix

I think you are correct that short term counsellors will overall not help me. I am still trying to work out what to do in situations when I experiencing distress and I am unable to ask my regular practitioners for support.

I think my psychologist is recommending that I place my interests higher than other people's. It makes some sense to me because doing what is beneficial for me will by definition make me happier. And because I have felt distressed for a prolonged period it is reasonable to suppose that the overall norms of society which I am trying to conform to are not necessarily in my interest. The problem I see is that I am not sure it is right to ignore laws. I think there does need to be some control over people. 

I agree with volunteering. I volunteer in many ways (e.g. bushwalking groups, speaking groups, mentoring programmes, discussion groups). However, I am perpetually. I have found that a lot of organisations simply don't accept volunteers. Definitely most businesses that try to make money don't or place very strict conditions on how they accept volunteers. In a way I am therefore volunteering for myself by working on my interests outside of business hours (in protest against what I do in business hours), though sometimes it is a lonely experience and I wish I could make friends who shares my interests.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Have you tried calling help lines? This could be an option for you in between appointments when you are experiencing distress.
The Beyond Blue support line operates 24/7, is free, and you will be answered by a counsellor. There are many others as well depending on your specific need, such as MensLine or Lifeline. Of course, you can also always post here. 
The advice you have received to place your needs higher than the needs of others make sense in your context—except when it comes to the law. I encourage you not to break any laws and perhaps clarify with your practitioner if this is what they really meant.
I would also like to gently point out that when you change your behaviour and put this strategy in place, people will likely react. And there’s no way to control their reaction or anticipate now how you might feel about that. This might be something you’d like to further explore with your practitioner. 
I’m really sorry that you haven’t had a good experience finding volunteer roles. My experience has been different. I am privileged to have three volunteer advisory roles in the mental health sector and another educational role within the foster care system.  All of these roles are very rewarding and worthwhile, with the added benefit that I have met new people and made some new friends.
Have you tried looking on Seek? With your state’s volunteer body? At targeted places that interest you? 

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

This week I have felt like crying again after several months without crying. I think it is because I continue trying to improve my life but my attempts are still unsuccessful. I am sorry.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

You have no reason to be sorry, my friend.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.

You are incredibly intelligent and insightful, courageous and committed in your pursuit of better mental health, and an inspiration to me and I’m sure many others reading along.
You try when many others might just give up. You are a fighter with grit and determination. And you have had wins—even if you can’t see that right now.

It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to rest. Please know that the feelings you are experiencing will pass. Tomorrow is another day and it brings the promise of a fresh start.
If you feel up to it, post and let us know how you’re going, as I’m concerned about you.

I’m sending you a hug and light.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

After I wrote my previous post, in the evening I ran around my local streets in the dark trying to force myself to cry but nothing came out. Afterwards I was in a state of wanting to cry but being unable. Today I felt I wanted to cry again but nothing came out. I think I am in a state of depression or helplessness where I am sad because I feel I am apparently chronically unable to achieve goals for reasons I don't understand.

My psychologist, counsellor, and career consultant keep giving me suggestions but I suppose I am not smart enough to understand them so I still feel distress. I think I will take a break from my psychologist and find a new one who I might understand better, who I can meet in person, and who is less expensive. I understand I should conform to the law. I will ask them for assistance with resolving stress, depression, anxiety, exhaustion, and trauma. I will ask other pracitioners as well.

I think I will keep asking my social coach for assistance in making a friend. Last weekend I sat in a room at an event I had organised and after fifteen minutes no-one had arrived. I was about to conclude that no-one would attend, then two people arrived and spoke with me for four-five minutes. That was one positive. I organised a different social event for tomorrow, no one has expressed interest yet, I hope someone might otherwise I will attend by myself.

I think I am going to keep trying to work with my careers consultant to identify a work environment which is less distressing, though I feel disillusioned because I have not found a more credible one than my current one, yet it still causes distress. I will continue asking organisations whether I can volunteer with them.

I will continue until I cannot anymore.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I'd have to agree with Summer Rose, you have been trying all the ways possible ot improve you life, and as I would think that you will keep on trying -you are that sort of person - I'd be surprised if you did not end up with success.

I think it is a good idea if you have any sort of therapist to be able ot meet them face to face. In my own case I met my psychiatrist in his rooms up until COVID, when we switched to Telehealth sessions.

This was not so bad, I'd already had a long time sitting in a chair looking at him directly so when we switched I could still see that same room and the rapport with him had already been well established. I'd imagine this is very different from Telehealth right from the start.

In volunteering, unless you have special skill one may have to start with a less than ideal set of tasks, I had to start at a museum standing handing out pamphlets to visitors as they arrived, but worked my way up to something I enjoyed and felt was useful. This later position was one the museum had not thought about when people asked to volunteer.

With social events, like a blog or media presence, it may be necessary to make yourself known by joining other people's events to start with. When you have profile there then it will be more likley people will come to the events you organize - good luck

Croix

[P12]

Ok, thanks Croix. My social event did not go as planned as the two people who attended preferred to go to a different venue and do a different activity than the one I was looking forward to. It seemed I had little choice but to go with them. Then I missed a message from another person hoping to join who contacted me three minutes before the event was scheduled. So I am confused that I am glad some people expressed interest but I am disappointed that I did not get to do the activity I hoped and missed the opportunity to do it with the third person.