EMDR Extremely Severe Side Effects

[Eagle Ray]

I am writing this out of desperation. I had my first EMDR session one month ago. It was done suddenly in the middle of a psychology session without preparation. I had no idea of the potential side effects but have been extremely debilitated since. It seemed to work for the memory being processed at the time but 3 hours later I began to numb out. This has been followed by 4 weeks of cycling into long periods of extreme fear that surge in a sickening way and lead to feelings of self destruction. I have Complex PTSD and have since learned that EMDR can break down internal dissociative barriers that protect a person at the time of trauma. So what I’m experiencing is constant flooding and retraumatisation without the barriers that used to protect me in my brain and nervous system.

No one seems to know what to do with this, my psychologist, GP or anyone. I have called Helplines many times but they cannot really do anything either. Reading multiple other forums (e.g. PTSD ones, Reddit etc) there are many people like me going through this following EMDR who are also desperate. Many have been impacted for months to years afterwards and still live in constant extreme fear now. A number have been medicated and hospitalised but no improvement. It’s terrifying the thought of not being able to get out of this.

An approach that has been helpful for me in the past is Somatic Experiencing. The guy who developed it Peter Levine has some containment exercises for trauma which if done for about an hour can sometimes alleviate symptoms. That then helps for about 2 hours at best before the terror surges again. My body is being subjected to relentless adrenaline. Things that helped me in the past don’t work now or only briefly. I had a Bowen therapy session about 3 weeks ago and it helped at the time but as soon as I got in my car afterwards I was in out of control fear again.

I don’t know how to keep living like this. Has anyone ever been through EMDR, had this response and found a way through it? I’m also presenting with a dissociative disorder that seems like OSDD though not formally diagnosed. I had a dissociative score of 37.5 on the DES-II prior to EMDR and from what I now know standard EMDR is not meant to be done on anyone above a score of 30 and according to more recent advice 20.

I just want the suffering to stop and to feel somewhere near normal again. The other awful thing it’s done is remove positive emotions. Going to try sone creative things today to help myself.

[Croix]

Dear ER~

It is  great pity your psych decided on this inappropriate type of therapy, and did it with no back door. You are suffering the worst of side effects and have had your mental 'raw nerves' exposed.

I haven nothing to offer I've not said before however want to repeat that you, over the time you have been on the Forum, have displayed increacing skill in controlling both your body and your thoughts - you will get though this.

I remember when you have simply layed down in a natural setting and let the calm that surrounded percolate into you. It took time but was somewhere that held hope of redress. It can only reduce the adrenaline that is hyping you up

Letting yourself imagine in detail assisting fluffy cat to spread hair everywhere can help to. Use detail, colour, smell, tactile feelng and fluffy's reactions.

You have a sense of humor, even when suffering greatly, and can feel a moments lightness when chicken jokes or teasing walruses is on the cards

Have a therapeutic penguin 🐧

Croix (who has never known anyone cope better than you)

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Croix,

Thank you so kindly for your support. I  am cuddling the therapeutic penguin you sent right now 🐧🙏

I’m sitting where the river goes into the ocean. About 30 minutes ago I walked past the home of a lovely lady I met around a couple of months ago and she was outside and we were able to briefly chat. We have only hung out twice but had the best conversations each time. Today she had to go to a neighbouring town, but we are going to catch up for coffee tomorrow so I think that will be very supportive for me. I was trying to briefly explain to her what has happened to me after she asked me how I was. In doing so I realised I’m still in a state of shock. This morning I woke up as usual with extremely sharp, sickening fear and I’m just having to adjust to this as my new normal. Yesterday I had the longest stretch yet where the fear went down to more manageable levels, which was for about 4 hours in the afternoon before it ramped up again. So I am taking that as a bit hopeful.

The shocking thing about this are all the other people’s stories I’m now reading about who are going through the same thing, yet there is a very noticeable absence in psychology literature about how to help a client when EMDR goes very wrong. It’s like you end up in a black hole where no one has any idea how to help you. I’ve started looking further for help and rang and spoke with a psych in my region this morning. She does have training in complex trauma and the method she often uses is called Imagery Rescripting. She is going to send me info on it. I’m not sure if it will be able to help me or not. I don’t necessarily want to abandon my current psych who has been so kind and supportive, and it can be exhausting starting over with someone else. But because I’m so stuck at times I’m desperate for some help and guidance. Just now my current psych sent me a nice, supportive message. I’m still shocked and confused that she didn’t seem to know the protocols and safety precautions for EMDR, but she is trying to support me even if she doesn’t seem to have a response plan for EMDR gone wrong. I’ve very much realised I have to trust myself first and foremost and use my intuition to know how to help myself.

Well I’ve just moved spots as a group of 3 guys smoking joints and stoned out of their heads just decided to join me at the picnic table I was sitting at. They were harmless and I enjoyed having a chat with them actually, but I couldn’t really finish typing this message with them there. So I’m now further up the river. It’s like I’m trapped in a terror time warp from the past, but off their face stoners don’t bother me at all 😂 It’s like they were welcome a respite and honestly I could see trauma in their eyes, especially the guy I spoke to most. I can feel it when others haven’t had an easy life and I just feel empathy and kindness towards them.

Sometimes all you can do is keep existing and hope for the best. When the fear does come down a bit life feels more liveable, so if those times can increase and the abject terror and panic decrease, life can get better. The friend I’m going with for coffee tomorrow has a cute, small dog and dogs are always therapeutic for me, and, as you remind me, fluffy cats are too of course 🐶🐱💗

I’ll have a think about some more chicken jokes 🐥🤣 I did say to my current psych in an email yesterday I think my sense of humour is coming back🤞

Hugs,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Having written about my experience above, I just want to share some resources for anyone considering EMDR. It can be successful for some people, but it also can be unpredictable and there are people who are especially at risk of potential harm. These people include those with Complex PTSD and those with dissociative disorders such as Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder, Other Specified Dissociative Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder. Sometimes these latter disorders in particular are undiagnosed and therefore it is critical they are screened for.

If you have Complex PTSD, there is a good summary by Dr Arielle Schwartz in an article available online entitled "EMDR Therapy for Complex PTSD - Dr Arielle Schwartz". I would highly recommend googling that as it covers the modified protocols for EMDR that are abolsutely essential to follow with Complex PTSD.

It is also essential that any therapist undertaking EMDR screens clients for dissociative disorders. There is a good article on this topic online entitled: "Beyond the DES-II: Screening for Dissociative Disorders in EMDR Therapy". The full article (as opposed to just the abstract) is available online in the Journal of EMDR Practice and Research. If you google those details you should find it.

Standard EMDR therapy is not supposed to be done with the above clinical population. It requires careful modification and may simply be unsuitable for some people. If a therapist tries to introduce it all of a sudden without following the 8 Phase Protocol and significant care, preparation and consultation with the client, that is very concerning. I think it is also good to check if your therapist has done training accredited by the EMDR Association of Australia (EMDRAA).

There is a lack of information and resources out there for people who do have major adverse consequences from EMDR. There seems to be a major lack of knowledge and research in this area. Instead individuals go onto online forums and try to find help from peers, as they cannot get adequate help from medical and psychological professionals. The main thing on offer seems to be medication and hospitalisation which from people's comments hasn't improved their situation. Not everyone is so adversely affected, but I have read so many cases now that it really is quite upsetting.

I am starting to make a slow recovery, but I'm still experiencing attacks of flooding and retraumatisation. I have been through the worst horror over the last 5 weeks. Having read the stories of others going through similar suffering, some of them still going through it months down the track and in some cases years, I want to put it out there to take great care and advocate for your own safety. I feel very strongly because I nearly ended things in the past few weeks and I've never been through anything so torturous. My brain and nervous system have been out of control in the most terrifying way. If something feels off or not right with a therapeutic approach, always listen to your intuition as it is quite likely the wrong fit for you. For some people EMDR works, and some say that they endured torturous symptoms for a year and then improved greatly. But each person has to weigh up what they can handle. For me and my sensitive brain and nervous system it is too much and actually dangerous. So take care and really listen in to yourself. There is no single way that is the only way to heal trauma and it's so important that each person finds approaches that work best for them.