Backed myself into a corner

[Sally65]

I've been off meds for BADII for over 7 months and have been doing really well on natural and nutritional therapy, until now. Problem is, I have been off work with the flu (and now struggling to meet deadlines), have found out my knee surgery was botched and can't be fixed, have chronic health problems that are wearing me down and now, have been diagnosed with arthritis (explains why I have chronic pain and can't sleep). I was so determined to stay well through healthy diet, exercise, meditation and alternative health supplements that my stubborn side can't even contemplate defeat. But, the dark thoughts come crashing down and there's nothing I seem to be able to do to control them. On the surface, I'm the most together, organised person you will ever meet! Family and friends are none the wiser, but bubbling and boiling beneath is what I recognise to be a path to rapid self-destruction.  I was just so convinced that toxic medication could be replaced by lifestyle change etc. and don't want to concede or dare I say, admit defeat to those who will say, 'told you so!'

[geoff]

dear Sally, it shouldn't be seen as 'told you so', what you have tried to do is by doing all the alternatives to trying to keep yourself fit and free from depression and anxiety, but problem after problem is what you have had to face, and really you should be congratulated for doing this.

Surgery that has not worked out is soul destroying, and this happened to me with a new technic for a hip operation, as the surgeon didn't want to do a complete hip replacement caused by a car accident and then arthritis, so he tried a different surgery which was only half the hip replacement, it's quite complicated to explain, anyway I know how you feel.

Now what you have to do is to be able to control your pain, and I say this with my tongue in my cheek, and if you feel as though you should go back onto the 'toxic' drugs maybe you should consider doing it just to stabilise your condition.

If people dare say 'I told you so', just reply by saying ' I wanted to try natural and nutritional therapy because that was my decision, OK.'

You have every right to try this. Look after yourself. L Geoff. x

[J-C]

dear Sally,

could I ask you what medication you were on? Analgesics, anti-depressants etc.? Were they helping you to keep the black dog at bay? It is quite common that extrovert, bubbly people are often the ones afflicted, as is the case with myself. Friends and family cannot accept that I have been battling depression for over 10 years. 

What do you mean by a "path of self-destruction"? There are some good medications available but, alas, as you probably know, they work individually. Most have side effects. We just know too little about brain chemistry but there are hopeful signs on the horizon. Gene therapy, microbiology etc., all will make their mark....one day. For now, we have to accept what is available and what works for you.

Best of luck.You are not alone. J-C

[Sally65]

Dear J-C, a very late reply, so apologies! I ended up being extremely unwell not long after I had posted and spent a couple of months in hospital.

i had to come to terms with 'not being cured' and that the medication I was previously on was, in fact, life saving. The decision to go back on medication was the only thing that helped me to turn around the dark place that I had ended up. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my 2013 post. I hope all goes well with you.

Cheers, Sally