Who do I talk to?

[MarniT]

So today I'm really struggling - my husband was diagnosed with depression about 6 months ago and since then things have been slowly getting better but today I feel like it's all about to come crashing down again. He's exhibiting a lot of the same symptoms as last time - sleeping a lot, complaining that he's tired and although I'm trying to be supportive I'm very emotional about it all and feel a bit fed up, we have two small children and I feel like I'm in it on my own. I don't know who to talk to as we live in a very small town where people spread whatever you say and I just don't know where I can get support. I hate telling him how I feel cause he then gets upset and defensive...I'm sure this too will pass but I just don't know who to talk to. There are help lines for those suffering depression but who do the supporters speak to?

[AGrace]

Hi MarniT,

Welcome, and thanks for joining us here. It's always inspiring to hear from family/friends who are supporting loved one's with a mental illness. I say this because I think it must be one of the most difficult jobs in the world, and yet you guys, the carers, still do it, and when you need support you are brave enough to reach out.

My first suggestion would be to speak with a GP. I know you mentioned living in a small community but the Drs are still bound by confidentiality. 

Secondly, a lot of the helplines set up for people with depression can also be accessed by their support network. For example you can contact Beyondblue via phone or webchat for advice from the team.

Thirdly have you had a look at Arafmi, Arafemi, The Blackdog Institute, or Carers Victoria websites. Most offer resources, a support line, and some also offer support groups.

Connecting with other members here on the forums who are experiencing similar situations is another angle you could try. Take a look, and maybe even join the discussions on the following threads:

Struggling with my depressed husband. By Dilemma

My husbands depression is destroying our marriage. By Bulletin board archive

Lonely - I've never told anyone about my husband's depression. By Lou Lou

You can enter these headings directly into the search function to locate the posts.

I hope you find some useful resources, let us know though if we can offer further support.

AGrace

[HA1]

Hi MarniT!

I can't add much more value to what AGrace has already said. But If you happen to be in NSW, you might enquire as to where your local Community Health Centre is.  At the mental health unit, they will usually have lots of good resources that you could access - for example this morning I picked up a copy of a publication by NSW Health titled "Unchartered Waters - Support for family and friends".  Includes a very comprehensive guide to mental health information and services in NSW.  Also saw at the clinic this morning that UnitingCare provides significant resources and support  for carers and family.  I believe they are contracted to NSW Government to provide these services.  

All the best and let us know how you go.

Regards

K

[geoff]

dear Marni, we can hear what you are saying and totally understand the restrictions that you are confined to, which can make it so difficult for you to get support, however both Amber and AOK have provided some great sites to consider, which is the first step to take.

It's very difficult for a carer to be able to get help, or at least understand how someone with depression feels, sure you can see it yourself, but these two can differ.

With a carer there can be frustration and perhaps some annoyance with this person not being able to help you, and this understandable, but they aren't capable of doing this, because they have no inclination, strength, energy or desire to do so, and even if you ask him will only worsen the relationship which isn't what you want.

He does need to see his doctor even though it's a small town, what the rest of the town have to say is non of their business, and so what, he needs to get better. L Geoff. x

[Pixie15]

Hi MarniT,

It sounds like your fairly isolated in your small town. Unfortunately feeling like you are doing it alone is not unusual if you have a partner who suffers depression. 

Is your partner comfortable with people knowing? If not it is hard because you can not really talk about it unless he is prepared to. As has previously been suggested might be best to encourage your partner to see his doctor again.

Needing to find out about illness is the easy part. Finding someone to talk to about how we feel is a lot harder. I find it useful to keep a journal and write down my feelings. 

Grateful.