Lost

[CCP5]

Hello All,

I hope that some of you can help me out with advice. I have been in the most amazing relationship until just recently. My partner suffers from depression, panic attacks and OCD. He explained to me early on in the relationship he had OCD and was on meds however his family and friends don't know about it. I researched OCD like nothing else just so I could try to understand what he was going through, as time went on he started to relax and the hand washing, door checking etc started to get less and less along with the strength of meds. Until something triggered him and he went down in a heap about 8 weeks  ago, that was the day he wanted to end our relationship. I was in complete shock as anyone would be as it came out of nowhere. I reassured him I wasn't giving up on him or our relationship and I would give him space. I did that, it hurt like nothing else to watch a loved one go through what he was going through. We started seeing each other for dinners or walks a couple of times a week. That was until a couple of days ago he told me he felt nothing and couldn't do a relationship. He promised me that it wasn't me but he just couldn't do it anymore.

My question to you all is, do I sit back and wait until he contacts me or do I call him in a couple of days just to see how he is? I love him like nothing else in the world and its heart breaking to watch him go through this as none of his family or friends  knows what he is going through. The only people that know are his therapist and me.

[Zoe__lt_3]

Wow CCP,   That’s a tough situation you have on your hands. Congrats to you for researching his condition to gain understanding. I’m no psych but it’s clear to me he’s got some major mental illness that he has to work through and that takes quite some time. The mental health services are jam-packed and progress can be painfully slow for sufferers. I know, I’ve been waiting ages for my go. Maybe some time on his own is what he needs so that he can tackle this. Depression can make people desire solitude and that’s no reflection on you.

Perhaps one day you could visit the GP/ therapist with him? It might help, it might not. He may not be ready. But please don’t try to force or push, it may make things worse.   Good luck with your journey and let us know how things go.  

Zoe

[AGrace]

Hi CCP5,

It's been about a week since your initial post, I wondered what you decided? Did you end up contacting your (ex) partner? I do hope that he's in a better space now.

How are you holding up? It can be so terrible when the one's we love push us away. Sadly I'm a guilty culprit. I pushed my partner away time and time again because I thought he would eventually end up leaving me, I was also embarrassed by what my mental illness was doing to me, and I didn't want him to have to suffer because I was.

In my scenario, my partner refused to give up. I don't think I could have gotten rid of him had I moved to another country!! He loved me and that was that. We are still together, and have been for 5 years. I don't know what would have become of me had he actually left, or had I left. 

The decision is yours to make, if you think his talk and actions are just the illness then it's worth a shot. Just don't keep putting yourself in the firing line if it becomes detrimental to you. Your emotional well being is just as important as his.

I hope that you are still around and that we will hear back from you.

AGrace