What do I do?

[Excluded]

Hi all,

This is my first time on a forum as I am at a loss as to what to do for my partner.

Basically I have met the love of my life and have never felt this way about anyone before. I was a single dad with three kids and it was time I had someone else in my life. I started talking to my current partner and we hit it off so easily. We talked for about two months before we met and when we did finally meet it was like I had known her for a long time. It was just so comfortable.

We continued to see each other and after a few months she wanted to be more which I was happy with. I introduced her to my kids and they got along really well so things looked promising.

She opened up to me and said that she had never felt this way about anyone before and was scared I’d break her heart. I had the same feeling as my ex had cheated on me and left the family home so I suppose I had my own insecurities but I had to trust in this person. Everything was going along great until one day I just stopped hearing from her. I tried to contact her to no avail so I went to her house. She explained she suffers from anxiety and was just overwhelmed all of a sudden. She has said she needs time to get her head right and doesn’t see a future without me but it is hard to be cut out of someone’s life that was making me so happy. As well as this my kids are asking where she is? It has been two weeks what do I do?

[Croix]

Dear Excluded~

To open your heart when it has already been broken by another is an act of bravery, and your new partner has had to be brave too

I like the fact you took your times getting to know each other, and the fact everything has gone so well is great. It sounds like she has accepted you as part of her future life.

In any partnership there comes a time when things are hard, and that's an opportunity to face things together. Anxiety, which I have too, does not have to be faced all alone. It does not mean the partner has to understand it all at once, just is willing to see what works, what doesn't and so on. To be supportive and non judgmental.

Perhaps you could point out to your partner that when you plan to be together permanently now is a good time to start to support each other. Anxiety may come and go for a long time, and it can be a comfort to know that the behavior it results in is taken in stride by one's partner and there are no hassles or judgments.

It will take effort on her part to be prepared to have anxiety attacks with others around, but it can end up a comfort. There can be a quiet space at home if needs be.

May I ask if you partner is having medical support? I simply kept getting worse until I had the correct treatment.

If you can get your partner to see you and your home as a refuge you will have set up something very valuable.

In passing I'll mention the thread

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

Which your partner many be interested in reading. It is very long, but can also be very useful

Please let us know how you get on

Croix