Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Life on Hold - Partner Suffering Anxiety and Depression

replies: 1

I'm a 32F currently supporting my partner 36M with his anxiety and depression. We've been together for a few years now and are extremely close and get along really well. When we first met he was confident but really caring and thoughtful and couldn't wait to make plans with me for our future. About 18 months ago he was having constant anger issues, even over minor things. Then around the middle of this year, he completely changed. His anger disappeared and he is now depressed and anxious most of the time. I suspect he may have had the anxiety before but it manifested through his anger. He's basically lost all of his confidence, is quiet, withdrawn, unable to function without guidance and is regularly paranoid that he's got health problems. We sought medical advice fairly early on and he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He didn't really respond to psychological therapy, but has been on anxiety medication. He started on medication and became dependent on it and was withdrawing daily, so we've switched him to a different medication and he's tapering off it now under medical guidance. The Dr has been strongly encouraging him to take an SSRI but he refuses. Throughout all of this, he hasn't worked, so we have been relying on my salary for the past ~5 months. He seemed to think that he'd be fine once he got off the medication, but he's beginning to suffer now that the dosage is so low and is now not able to sleep. He also thought he'd be better if he went back to work, so he's been doing that, and he doesn't seem any better. Part of the reason he now gets upset and feels low is because of the money he's lost by not working. We've had to postpone our wedding that was booked for next year because he just doesn't feel like he is going to be better and because of the cost. He promises me we will eventually get married though and that he absolutely still wants to. I just don't know where we go from here. Nothing seems to be helping, we're just going in circles, and now our lives are completely on hold. We can't make plans, get married or anything like that. I can't even talk to him about making plans for Xmas because it overwhelms and upsets him. I understand that he needs to focus on each day, but I'm not an 'in the moment' kind of person. I have always worked hard so I can plan for the future. I want to marry him and start a family and I feel like time is against us. I feel absolutely awful and selfish for feeling this way, but I can't help it.

Conflict: helping friend vs not upsetting partner

replies: 10

Hi, I’m new here and looking for advice. My friend has suffered with severe depression for sometime now. I have always been there for her whenever she’s needed anything. We live 3 hours away from each other and in the last week, she has accused me of doing something unthinkable. At first I was really shocked and angry, but then just felt sad that she could think I would do something like that. I have decided regardless that I would like to help her and support her through this rough time for her but my husband is very unforgiving and doesn’t want me speaking with her. He can’t hnderstand how I could forgive her or why I would want anything to do with her. I am feeling very lost with what I should do and where I should go from here. I don’t want to abandon my friend when she needs the support but I love my husband and don’t want to lose him over this either...

Trying to help my girlfriend get out of sex work

replies: 3

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to be looking for this kind of help, but I'm looking for any sort of advice on a situation my girlfriend (19 years old) has found herself in. For the past few months her primary income has been from online sex work (camming) and has recently decided she feels incredibly uncomfortable about it and doesn't wish to continue. She's trying to find another job to get by but will be unable to do so until her uni exams have finished (November 19). She lives out of home and today was hit with $300 in utility bills, not to mention the monthly rent she will have to pay in a few weeks (which I think is about $400-$500). She receives payments from Centrelink (Australian government funding), but it won't be nearly enough to cover these expenses and refuses to accept money from me (even though I have enough to cover everything). Her mum lives a long plane trip away, but she is unable to afford a ticket home to stay with her while these issues are handled. At this point her only option is to continue the online sex work until exams are over and she can find another job, which we are both incredibly uncomfortable with. The issue is not that I don't approve or don't think it's respectable work, it's that she's not comfortable doing it. Any advice whatsoever is greatly appreciated, even if it's just recommending organisations that may be able to help or offer other advice.

At a lose..

replies: 2

Hi everyone am new on here so bear with me please if my post is abit long.. For the last 3 years my husband and I have been dealing with our son who from what we have experienced.. Depression.. Anxiety.. And irrational thoughts.. I say from what we have experienced because no matter how many times we have seeked help for him he comes away saying " oh there is nothing wrong with me " so we're not really sure exactly what the problem is.. Of lately his thoughts have been irrational.. He even admited the other day that he was having trouble falling asleep because of the voices in his head when I approached the matter with him he said I never said that.. 3 yrs ago his relationship with the mother of his son broke down and it has affected him even though he isn't saying that it has.. He got on the Amphetamines and had a drug induced psychosis on us were he was admitted to the Mental Health Ward at our local hospital.. He had a weekend stay ( went in on a Friday night came out Monday) no follow up was required nor medication.. He had another relapse a few months later again we took him to see a doctor to get on a mental health plan but he refused to participate and because he is over the age of 18 there is nothing we can do.. He is off the amphetamines and has been for the last year and a half which is good.. But has alcohol abuse.... We have spoken with him pleaded with him begged him to get help to speak with someone to help him take the edge off but he won't.. He still insist that there is nothing wrong with him.. We are at a lose my beautiful son is slowly slipping away from me and I have no idea how to approach the matter with him.. Has anyone else gone and experiencing this and can offer advise on how to deal with it or have any suggestions on how to approach the matter from a different angle.. Thank you..

Gift to show I care

replies: 6

Hi everyone. I am currently helping support my little sister through a long term depressive episode. She has finally agreed to start medication and seek help which is great. I want to get her something special that she can look at when she is feeling down and remember that I care and love her. Maybe also that shows there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Anyone have any ideas? She is in her late teens, but doesn't wear jewellery. Unfortunately she doesn't have a lot of interests anymore, although she used to love playing sports. She also recently moved back into our mums house so doesn't have a lot of her own space. Thanks in advance for your thoughts

Caring for someone I never thought I would care for

replies: 4

I’m aspie and my partner is autistic. Our relationship is not the usual kind of relationship I guess. I feel like his career to be honest and it drives me insane. He won’t get a job, it’s a battle to get him to do chores I get that he has depression and anxiety but so do I! He said he quit smoking but I find his cigarette butts around and empty packets. He’s just like well I can’t work because of my injuries. He goes to university and tafe he struggles with exams works himself up then his mind goes blank and he fails another semester! It has taken him like 8 years to complete less then 3 years of university! I have my first degree, Im currently on my second bachelors degree i put university on hold for the semester because he could not or would not get a job and we were headed for homelessness. I’m going back to university next year even if I have to leave him and get my own place and just support me because I’m sick of it. He melted down today because I got a job interview at a place he would love to work but he needs to get work experience to get an interview. I had a phone interview and he actually butted in to the conversation because I had the interviewer on the loudspeaker he actually criticised my answers, called out and wanted to ask questions! I walked out of the house had time out I came back and he appoligised. He acts like a big child! I guess I’m just looking for support because I care for him but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. If I walk out of this he will be homeless Or live in isolation.

Supporting husband and yet he does not communicate with me

replies: 8

Hi i am new to this as my husband announced out of the blue that he was depressed around 6 weeks ago. Thankfully he recognised this and had already been to the Dr and obtained medication. the first couple of weeks of the meds he has been like a Zombie totally emotionless he has better days than others when he is obviously a little happier living with him has become increasingly difficult; no communication he won’t talk to me about how he is feeling, how the drugs make him feel, how he went at the physiologist etc. if I ask him he will answer reluctantly and as vague as possible and then leave the room I feel like he is not even trying he doesn’t ask me how my day was. I have just come home from being out to dinner and he hardly even looked at me or asked me how dinner was or anything. I ask him how did day was “alright” is all I get and nothing in return i wanted to see if this is normal??? Do other carers find the communication just stops. I feel like I am being cut out of everything that is going on. It is hard to not take it personally. I can’t help but feel that he is blaming me for how he feels. Becayse of this I just don’t know what to do! we have been married 23 years. He is ok when around others or if the kids are in the room. I feel like he is not even trying with me, and just because he is on meds and unwell gives him reason to not even be nice to me anymore. Due to this I feel so alone and sad as I am not included in what is going on, and he rejects me when I try to help he is also still drinking alcohol on the meds which really scares me and frustrates me, as I believe if u want to be on meds to help then you have to do everything possible to let them work. thanjs for reading and appreciate any help or ideas

What do I do?

replies: 1

Hi all, This is my first time on a forum as I am at a loss as to what to do for my partner. Basically I have met the love of my life and have never felt this way about anyone before. I was a single dad with three kids and it was time I had someone else in my life. I started talking to my current partner and we hit it off so easily. We talked for about two months before we met and when we did finally meet it was like I had known her for a long time. It was just so comfortable. We continued to see each other and after a few months she wanted to be more which I was happy with. I introduced her to my kids and they got along really well so things looked promising. She opened up to me and said that she had never felt this way about anyone before and was scared I’d break her heart. I had the same feeling as my ex had cheated on me and left the family home so I suppose I had my own insecurities but I had to trust in this person. Everything was going along great until one day I just stopped hearing from her. I tried to contact her to no avail so I went to her house. She explained she suffers from anxiety and was just overwhelmed all of a sudden. She has said she needs time to get her head right and doesn’t see a future without me but it is hard to be cut out of someone’s life that was making me so happy. As well as this my kids are asking where she is? It has been two weeks what do I do?

16 yr old with severe OCD no friends no life

replies: 2

Hi my son has severe OCD and maybe austim spec disorder,he has not left the house in nearly 5 months now he is not in school he does a different type of study as such.he is getting some treatment but no where near what he should as I'm a single mother of two boys.im so depressed and sad i wonder if he will ever have some friends and get the chance to live as he should be I go on Facebook some times and just cry looking at kids his age living life I have no social life as I'm always with him I can't have people at the house as he just melts down my financial situation is not enough to bearly buy food bills etc I saw a advertisement on the tv about the NDIS does anyone know if my son would benefit in some way I really don't know lot about services out there as he has been going to a private clinic

I don't know what to say

replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm new. My partner of 4 years has suffered depression mildly over this time and is under a GP and medicated quite well. Around 8-10 months ago he became less affectionate and I have felt pushed away and rejected. I've talked to him a few times but nothing changed, however a month ago this came up again and he became very depressed. He ended the relationship saying he could never be what I need him to be. We are still friends and I know he needs the support so I'm touching base with him almost every day. He has seen his GP and she has increased his medication and wants him to see a counsellor. This is all great but I don't know what he needs from me. I want to tell him I love him, that I want us together to deal with it .. not apart. But I need some advice to help me know if telling him all this will add to his stress or should I just hold back on the relationship side and just be his friend. Does it help him to know I still love him and want him when he is ready ... or is this pushing him away. I'm so confused about what he needs from me right now but I'll do anything to help him get better and get us happy again.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Life on Hold - Partner Suffering Anxiety and Depression replies: 1

Conflict: helping friend vs not upsetting partner replies: 10

Trying to help my girlfriend get out of sex work replies: 3

At a lose.. replies: 2

Gift to show I care replies: 6

Caring for someone I never thought I would care for replies: 4

Supporting husband and yet he does not communicate with me replies: 8

What do I do? replies: 1

16 yr old with severe OCD no friends no life replies: 2

I don't know what to say replies: 3