Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Supporting my 21year old

replies: 3

Hi. I am an exhausted mum away from my own support network trying to support my 21 year old who has broken up with his soul mate of 12months. He has nothing to live for. He is an inpatient of 2 weeks on anti depressants. He has gone from desprerately wanting her back despite her clear messages that she has moved on to wanting to stop the pain and end it all. He wants to know where he went wrong. Should I contact her and get this answer for him?

Suicidal husband, how to keep myself strong?

replies: 3

Husband has had mental health issues on going for 12 months. He gets very suicidal. He is refusing to go to the psychologist. I feel like I'm struggling to be his support. How do I stay strong enough to help him? It's turning me into a stressed out m... View more

Boyfriend's Anxiety

replies: 11

Hi! Tomorrow (August 4) is mine and my partner's 4 year anniversary. We have been doing long-distance the whole time. Despite being together for so long (with ups and downs) he recently voiced to me that he feels I do not wholeheartedly want to be with him anymore. I'm unsure of why this is because, firstly, I do still wholeheartedly want to be with him and my feelings toward him have not changed over the years, and secondly, I've always made the effort to ensure he knows I love him/want to be with him/want to work on issues in our relationship. He's never been good at communication, but he has recently tried so hard to voice any concerns or issues he has so we can work on them together. I wanted to get some more ideas of little ways I can show my appreciation/love for him. Throughout the time we've been together I've done a lot of research and collated ideas together of little things we can do for each other/how to communicate effectively/ways to effectively solve problems, etc. I was hoping to get a bit of an insight into the things that make YOU feel appreciated/loved while dealing with anxiety. Thanks

My long term partner has depression and anxiety

replies: 3

Hi, I am just hoping to get some answer and suggestions. I myself has always been a person with negative thoughts and spent 2 years of my life in th past thinking about ending my life. I never push myself to see a doctor or psychologist because I knew I had had to push myself yo be the stronger one at home. My partner of 7 years, he suffers from depression and anxiety due to a very bad childhood and many other unfortunate event in life. For the last 7 years i have put in everything all my heart and mind to help him to improve. I have supported him with 90% of daily tasks, I do most the work at home and I have a full time job. He too does have a full time job. I thought I could look after him and help him with encouragement and support but nothing has gotten better for the last 5 years since he diagnose with depression. For all these 5 years he had been very cold and distanced which upset me a lot. He wouldn't hold my hand, nor attend anything with me even my family dinner for 95% of the time. I do most of the things alone and he always decline my offer to take him out. I am not sure if these 5 years i was just dealing with his depression or was I dealing with himself. Here I am 5 years later, being uncertain wether I should leave. It is the last thing I want to do and it would be very concerning what would happen to him if I told him about breaking out relationship. I have always hoped he would get better but 5 years has gone and I am just thinking wether I should consider myself first. For the last month I have been crying every single day and I dont know what to do.

14 yr old daughter with anxiety and school refusal

replies: 1

First time poster in desperation of advice of those going through the same trauma. As I sit here with teary eyes I feel alone and helpless on this path of raising a teenager with mental health. ( diagnosed generalized anxiety and I think possible depression ) Constant school refusal ( 4 yrs ) , GP visits, physiologist, mental health visits long wait times and plenty of hospital visits I wonder will there be light at the end of the tunnel. My daughter wants to become home schooled, feeling that school is her major contributor of her anxiety, I'm actually considering it after years of stress,fights and violent outburst !!!! really don't know if I should though given the negative feedback and the importance of social inclusion. But will it stop this hideous roller coaster ?My husband is supportive and my daughter is in a safe loving family ( 12 yr old brother) who are severely being affected daily be her mental health. We are now waiting again in line to see a physicist in hope they can help with some miracle pill !!!! This is just a snap shot of the daily stresses that I'm sure if your reading this can understand. I feel helpless, like I've failed as a parent, like I'm failing my other child and husband and just SAD like I'm the only one going though this. Thanks for reading just needed to get my feelings off my chest to those who understand.

Helping partner with Anxiety and Depression

replies: 4

Hi my partner has suffered from depression for 20 years now and anxiety for the last 2 years. He also has an issue with alcohol and using alcohol as a way out of his depression/anxiety. He is currently seeking help from his GP and a physchologist, however I struggling keeping things going and keeping my emotions in check when I am around him. I need to work as he is now off work and as we all know the bills still need to be paid. My wage is not enough to support us and whilst we have savings it won't last forever. My concern is that whilst he is getting help, he seems to continually turn to the old help of the beer and will then binge drink until 2 or 3 in the morning, by this time he wants to talk about he feelings and he then is keeping me up worrying about him, he gets very critical of me or maybe of himself and portrays it as my problem. We are currently sleeping in separate bedrooms as he can't get past my loud breathing to get to sleep, he says I snore, but hey so does he. When he turns to the beer I get really upset because I know what is going to happen, get drunk, don't eat, want to talk about the same things we spoke about the last time and time before that and so on, then sleep the next day and be hung over for 2 days. When we do talk when he is drinking it always goes to the same conversation about issues he has from his childhood as the conversation goes on he turns the conversation around and tells me my bad points, and basically makes me upset. I know its not intentional and he is all apologetic the next day. But I also know that he tends to be truthful when he is drinking, so I am always wondering if thats how he really feels? He says no but hey you always wonder. I need to find strategies to stop me getting so upset when he drinks and avoid the talking that gets no real gain. I know I try and compensate and alleviate his anxiety and maybe that gets annoying to him, I don't really understand how much I should be doing and how much I should be leaving things to him. I wonder whether taking time off from work would help or not. His good days are pretty good but his bad days turn bad, at the moment the bad days are between 1 and 3 a week. Is this normal? Sorry for the long post.

Life on Hold - Partner Suffering Anxiety and Depression

replies: 1

I'm a 32F currently supporting my partner 36M with his anxiety and depression. We've been together for a few years now and are extremely close and get along really well. When we first met he was confident but really caring and thoughtful and couldn't wait to make plans with me for our future. About 18 months ago he was having constant anger issues, even over minor things. Then around the middle of this year, he completely changed. His anger disappeared and he is now depressed and anxious most of the time. I suspect he may have had the anxiety before but it manifested through his anger. He's basically lost all of his confidence, is quiet, withdrawn, unable to function without guidance and is regularly paranoid that he's got health problems. We sought medical advice fairly early on and he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He didn't really respond to psychological therapy, but has been on anxiety medication. He started on medication and became dependent on it and was withdrawing daily, so we've switched him to a different medication and he's tapering off it now under medical guidance. The Dr has been strongly encouraging him to take an SSRI but he refuses. Throughout all of this, he hasn't worked, so we have been relying on my salary for the past ~5 months. He seemed to think that he'd be fine once he got off the medication, but he's beginning to suffer now that the dosage is so low and is now not able to sleep. He also thought he'd be better if he went back to work, so he's been doing that, and he doesn't seem any better. Part of the reason he now gets upset and feels low is because of the money he's lost by not working. We've had to postpone our wedding that was booked for next year because he just doesn't feel like he is going to be better and because of the cost. He promises me we will eventually get married though and that he absolutely still wants to. I just don't know where we go from here. Nothing seems to be helping, we're just going in circles, and now our lives are completely on hold. We can't make plans, get married or anything like that. I can't even talk to him about making plans for Xmas because it overwhelms and upsets him. I understand that he needs to focus on each day, but I'm not an 'in the moment' kind of person. I have always worked hard so I can plan for the future. I want to marry him and start a family and I feel like time is against us. I feel absolutely awful and selfish for feeling this way, but I can't help it.

Conflict: helping friend vs not upsetting partner

replies: 10

Hi, I’m new here and looking for advice. My friend has suffered with severe depression for sometime now. I have always been there for her whenever she’s needed anything. We live 3 hours away from each other and in the last week, she has accused me of doing something unthinkable. At first I was really shocked and angry, but then just felt sad that she could think I would do something like that. I have decided regardless that I would like to help her and support her through this rough time for her but my husband is very unforgiving and doesn’t want me speaking with her. He can’t hnderstand how I could forgive her or why I would want anything to do with her. I am feeling very lost with what I should do and where I should go from here. I don’t want to abandon my friend when she needs the support but I love my husband and don’t want to lose him over this either...

Trying to help my girlfriend get out of sex work

replies: 3

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to be looking for this kind of help, but I'm looking for any sort of advice on a situation my girlfriend (19 years old) has found herself in. For the past few months her primary income has been from online sex work (camming) and has recently decided she feels incredibly uncomfortable about it and doesn't wish to continue. She's trying to find another job to get by but will be unable to do so until her uni exams have finished (November 19). She lives out of home and today was hit with $300 in utility bills, not to mention the monthly rent she will have to pay in a few weeks (which I think is about $400-$500). She receives payments from Centrelink (Australian government funding), but it won't be nearly enough to cover these expenses and refuses to accept money from me (even though I have enough to cover everything). Her mum lives a long plane trip away, but she is unable to afford a ticket home to stay with her while these issues are handled. At this point her only option is to continue the online sex work until exams are over and she can find another job, which we are both incredibly uncomfortable with. The issue is not that I don't approve or don't think it's respectable work, it's that she's not comfortable doing it. Any advice whatsoever is greatly appreciated, even if it's just recommending organisations that may be able to help or offer other advice.

At a lose..

replies: 2

Hi everyone am new on here so bear with me please if my post is abit long.. For the last 3 years my husband and I have been dealing with our son who from what we have experienced.. Depression.. Anxiety.. And irrational thoughts.. I say from what we have experienced because no matter how many times we have seeked help for him he comes away saying " oh there is nothing wrong with me " so we're not really sure exactly what the problem is.. Of lately his thoughts have been irrational.. He even admited the other day that he was having trouble falling asleep because of the voices in his head when I approached the matter with him he said I never said that.. 3 yrs ago his relationship with the mother of his son broke down and it has affected him even though he isn't saying that it has.. He got on the Amphetamines and had a drug induced psychosis on us were he was admitted to the Mental Health Ward at our local hospital.. He had a weekend stay ( went in on a Friday night came out Monday) no follow up was required nor medication.. He had another relapse a few months later again we took him to see a doctor to get on a mental health plan but he refused to participate and because he is over the age of 18 there is nothing we can do.. He is off the amphetamines and has been for the last year and a half which is good.. But has alcohol abuse.... We have spoken with him pleaded with him begged him to get help to speak with someone to help him take the edge off but he won't.. He still insist that there is nothing wrong with him.. We are at a lose my beautiful son is slowly slipping away from me and I have no idea how to approach the matter with him.. Has anyone else gone and experiencing this and can offer advise on how to deal with it or have any suggestions on how to approach the matter from a different angle.. Thank you..

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Supporting my 21year old replies: 3

Suicidal husband, how to keep myself strong? replies: 3

Boyfriend's Anxiety replies: 11

My long term partner has depression and anxiety replies: 3

14 yr old daughter with anxiety and school refusal replies: 1

Helping partner with Anxiety and Depression replies: 4

Life on Hold - Partner Suffering Anxiety and Depression replies: 1

Conflict: helping friend vs not upsetting partner replies: 10

Trying to help my girlfriend get out of sex work replies: 3

At a lose.. replies: 2