Unable to afford Support for my Partner and I'm not coping for myself.

[BertieHopeful]

I'm a depression suffer, but its very situational, I've had cognitive therapy & know my stressors, sometimes it still takes me by surprise, but I can pull myself out. I'm a hopeless communicator when I'm in this mood & I need to work on it but I have no idea how to help my partner of 4 years, he's awesome & we have a lot of fun & he's oh so smart, unfortunately he suffers from Anxiety, PTSD, depression. He is medicated & seeing a psychiatrist but he doesn't like him but is seeing him cause he's cheap & all we can afford. He googles everything and disagrees with the medication He is doing some of his advice, but he thinks that he doesn't listen so he only does what he thinks he should. He has tried many medications & psychiatrists but often decides they are not working & gives up until the dark comes again. I constantly feel like we are starting again.

Every 4 to 6 weeks almost always Wednesday /Thursday he has a really black day, he tells me that he's had enough & he just can't go on, that he's a failure & useless. I generally notice the beginning of these moods because he withdraws, snaps & acts hostile to me if I ask questions. He's not abusive, but he can be mean. He says that he can't talk to me because I get in to a mood myself & I'm not very helpful.
I'm trying so hard to be supportive, positive & helpful. I'm starting to feel like a failure myself. I try to always tell him how much he means & that I think he's awesome & to ignore the thoughts.

We have his son every second w/e who also has issues & is a difficult/demanding child, my partner loves him to pieces but struggles, he doesn't like to discipline him. These weekends are so hard on both of us, I don't enjoy them as I feel like I constantly have to parent & support my partner because he gets easily exhausted & just lets his son do as his please to keep him happy, I feel this just makes him worse, he's spoilt, naughty and it makes it difficult for me to enjoy his company.

I don't want to lose him & I don't want to leave, but I don't know how to cope, I don't want to talk to family & friends as he gets embarrassed & the social situations are even harder with twice as much anxiety for him.

We need a good psychiatrist & psychologist & can't afford either, which makes him feel more like failure. How do I find support we can afford

Last night he told me he feels like a failure because he doesn't want to live but he's too weak to man up & take his own life... how do I respond to that?

[geoff]

hello BertieHopeful, welcome and thanks for posting your comment, which is certainly a problem for many people, especially after their mental health plan runs out,
Sometimes your doctor can extend these visits if they feel it necessary, that's their decision to make.
By your partner shouldn't be seeing someone who he doesn't like, because what this means is that he doesn't feel comfortable opening up to him, and what he can't say maybe the problem, but there are other psychiatrists who bulk bill, I would think that his GP should know of some, otherwise I would search through the yellow pages and ring those who are close to you and ask the receptionist if the psych bulk bills.
If you can google this 'psychistrists who bulk bill' and then expand the area where you live, then you could be lucky, some psych may decide to bulk bill if they know of your circumstances.
My psychologist who I saw for 20 years did bulk bill patients who were struggling.
With his son well, he's only making matters worse by not disciplining, not only for the child's sake but also for his own, however if he's suffering from depression then that's what he only wants to do, so how do they both respond if you tell them off. Geoff.

[Starwolf]

Hi Bertie, a warm welcome to the forums.

Geoff has already given you terrific advice. I agree that caring for someone with a mental illness while struggling yourself is frustrating and exhausting at all levels. You are not a failure. You are in fact doing a compassionate but difficult job. Your partner is lucky to have you, though he doesn't always realize to what extent. The wounded mind sees little but itself so sufferers can be hurtful to their loved ones. He obviously loves you too. When it takes over, mental illness over-rides feelings and messes with emotions.

Have you checked Carers Australia (1800 242 636) ? They're a helpful org for people in your position. You can access them online by copying this link into your browser : https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

Re your stepson, you could also visit the Reach Out parents forum :

forums.parents.au.reachout.com/

Geoff is right, discipline is important. It also makes kids capable of self-discipline later...a great asset in life.

If you scroll down to the bottom of this page, you will find a section called 'Supporting someone', including Looking after yourself. Please do not hesitate to seek extra support for YOU. Staying strong and centered doesn't come easy while there's chaos around you.

I hope your partner will soon find a therapist he can connect, trust and work with long-term. I know it takes time and a lot of research...but finding such ally makes it all worthwhile.

Meanwhile, please feel free to continue to post. This is a safe space to connect, share and let steam off. Your space.

Good to have you on board.