Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

I need ideas for finding myself again

replies: 2

7 years ago my husband sufferred a burst brain aneurism, he bled during the ensuing operation and now has an acquired brain injury. His short term memory is virtually nonexistent and he refuses to write things down to help himself. His visual memory is perfect so once he writes things down he retains the information. He is in complete denial which means I am constantly having to pick up the pieces when he forgets things. He asks me inane questions again and again and cannot accomplish the simplest tasks without a plan. I am a trained psychologist who can see what he is capable of but the frustration I feel when he wont listen to how he can help himself drives me insane. I am very depressed and anxious and feel very isolated. I keep on trying to find activities for myself but I have got to the stage that I dont want to do anything which I know is bad. I am so resentful that my days are spent either in silence ignoring him or in tears. What can I do to help myself get a life back. I have been to many counsellors who dont really understand the problem and have tried taking antidepressants which just dull my brain. Can anyone help?

Supporting husband and affair

replies: 13

Where to start, im new here and after some advice. Husband has just been diagnosed with Major depressive disorder with melancholic features rendering him to to psychotic episodes. After some advice on how to help as he doesnt talk to me. Before getting diagnosis i found out about him having an affair for several months which has hurt and still is like crazy and mind is all over the place. Our reltionship was a little up and down early last year (like everyone can be) and we had our 3rd baby, a couple months later i could see things where the best with him and i try to get help but he wouldnt and just wanted to be out of the house and drink all the time. That now has stop as one day he nearly died but doesnt have any memory of it. He says he doesnt have an strong emotional connection to me and we havent been sexual for sometime but i love him alot and am committed to our relationship but needing advice as my head is all over the place.

I don't know the right words to use with manic BP husband

replies: 1

Hi! My husband has been diagnosed with bipolar for over 10 years. He is currently going through a manic episode (I think). He seems to rollercoaster quite quickly so sometimes I find it hard to know what is going on. I'm struggling to know how to talk to him. He's giving the silent treatment at the moment which I absolutely hate, because I just want to fix things and make everything better. But when we do talk, I'm not sure what to say. Do I be supportive and calm? Do I let him speak to me rudely or do I stand up for myself? I'm fearful and frustrated either way. I'm tired of being blamed for everything, being told I'm useless or I overthink things, or I'm a control freak. I'm seeing a counsellor but he refuses to seek any professional help. Advice please??

Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings

replies: 4

Hi all, I have never posted about anything like this before and have just recently stumbled onto this forum and think its a fantastic idea as there are not many people out there who talk openly about suffering from mental health or caring for someone who does so it can often feel isolating. My husband has had bi-polar type 1 for almost 20 years not but has only been treated since we have been married so 9 years now. The first few years were a roller coaster or hospital stays, medication levelling, manic episodes, depression and knowing when all is level as it gets confusing? My husband is great at taking his medication and never strays from it so I am very lucky, he is also very open to me letting him know when he may need to see his psychiatrist for some level changes if moods become de stabilised and doesn't get offended by this. So again very lucky considering we have 2 daughters. However, being as lucky as I am, it is still hard to cope with. The depression kicked in big time this year and has been going up and down since April meeting insomnia for him and being very fragile and leading him close to manic episode just last week which we intercepted quickly and have medicated accordingly. I put a lot of support and love into helping him and supporting him as he is amazing what he copes with. However, I feel he is a different person to the one I married, he is a lot less motivated, not very enthusiastic and lacks in sight into my feelings. I often don't get encouragement from him in the things I need them for and often find when we spend weekends together just us as a family that my mood reflects his which is often down and flat (maybe this is due to his meds?) Does anyone else ever feel like they now have someone else? That the man they married is changed forever even though you still love them? That you don't get the support you need when you need it? Does this ever change or do we have to move onto accepting as a carer and spouse of someone with bi polar that this is just how it will be moving forward? Do we just need to change our mind set (which I resent always having to do and get the why me's) Do you think its good to tell your spouse that thats how you feel? Personally I would hate to hurt him as he only has so much control but do we need to vent it with them and will that help? Thanks for listening and so glad I have found somewhere where people will understand my situation, its comforting

Hitting the wall - spouse with depression

replies: 2

I've been with my partner for 10 years. He's always had depression and it's been a struggle to get him treated, now he's been medicated for a while but always refused therapy. Well, he's having a bad down period and pursuing it now but it's a bit late. I've bypassed caring right now. I've put so much into this relationship and I've made so many allowances for him, and he's waited until I've hit the wall before bothering to get some help. I'm trying to support him, but I'm also trying to raise the kids, recover from major surgery, deal with my own my own mental health issues. Help me. What do I do now?

She says she feels unsupported no matter how hard i try

replies: 15

My wife of 13 yrs is suffering depression. Been on meds for about 4 years, dose increased again a few weeks ago. No matter how much i try to do to support her by doing housework, cooking, picking up kids/ dropping them at school, allowing her to sleep in coz she always feels so tired, I'm accused of not supporting her. I don't judge her and tell her i love her every day. She has no desire for physical closeness let alone a libido. I've asked if we need couples counselling coz i don't want to blame all our difficulties just on her mental health - that's not fair on her, i know I'm far from perfect. Dont know how to support someone who doesn't tell me what else she wants or needs ither than 'support'. When i tell her that I'm further accused of highlighting her inconsistencies and irrationality which seems to push us further apart. Does this sound familiar to anyone? What else could i try?

How can I support my Husband?

replies: 3

Hi All, New here. Joined this group because my husband has been recently diagnosed with depression & anxiety. He has just started medication & got a referral to a counsellor (after weeks of me begging him to do something). He said he broke down at the doctors talking about it all. I understand he might not be able to talk to me, as he hasn't been, and even said he finds it hard to talk to me about it. I have suffered anxiety and depression myself, but in very short bursts & I got help for myself almost immediately. Money is a huge trigger for my husband and why he feels this way. We both work long hours and have a 4 year old son. Feels like he isn't getting anywhere in life financially and he hates his job. I try to offer realistic solutions (finding a new job, quitting smoking cigarettes), things that could help the financial situation. However I think he is in such a haze with his mental illness that all of this is just too hard right now. I try to be sympathetic, but I struggle to when he wont make positive changes eg, finding a new job. I remind him of all we have to be thankful for, our bills are paid, we have our health, family, our son and each other. But none of this seems to help him. I think it actually aggravates him. I am a little lost as to how help/support him right now. We have been together for 17 years since we were teenagers, but I right now, I feel like I don't know my husband. I am trying to be patient and not get frustrated, I want to help him, I just don't know how.

Friend in need.. what do I do?

replies: 2

Hi all, I've come here in hope of some suggestions. I myself suffer from depression so i know how crucial, getting help is.. I'm in Vic but have a Facebook friend in ACT that is in a really dark place. She has recently had a baby (9days ago), has 3 other children, one of which has Autism so childcare is almost impossible near her, single mum and the father of the older 3 was violent so she can't turn to him for help. She has no support and the social worker from the hospital hasn't returned calls. Her newborn is still in special care so she's making the journey to and from the hospital constantly and the taxi fares are getting tricky to handle. She's messaged me this morning telling me how unstable she feels... What can she do? Is there anyone in ACT that know of a support group, volunteer group etc? She's on antidepressants already. I don't know anyone in her area. Maybe I should call the hospitals mental health triage? Any info will be greatly appreciated.

Non religious AA in Melbourne?

replies: 2

Hi, my partner is ready to go to AA, but not interested in a religious based one. can anyone recommend a non-religious AA group or an alternative? thanks

Support help

replies: 7

Hi my wife has bipolar and I have well I think I have managed for years. As the partner it seems to be harder and harder. I haven't spoken to anyone that live we a partner with bipolar, so I'm trying see if there is anyone who can help with and words... View more

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

I need ideas for finding myself again replies: 2

Supporting husband and affair replies: 13

I don't know the right words to use with manic BP husband replies: 1

Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings replies: 4

Hitting the wall - spouse with depression replies: 2

She says she feels unsupported no matter how hard i try replies: 15

How can I support my Husband? replies: 3

Friend in need.. what do I do? replies: 2

Non religious AA in Melbourne? replies: 2

Support help replies: 7