Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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frightened and need to know if i should be

replies: 4

i had posted about my partner who is bipolar smoking pot - he started a new med three weeks ago and has not been right since. i have become frightened of him, and yesterday ended the relationship. he did not take it well. he rang about 100 times, left 30 voicemail messages most of them not very nice but all blaming me and saying horrible things, sent horrible text messages, and when i blocked him he used another phone to call (but left no voicemails from this number). i spent the night at a friends house after he came back to my home banging on the door twice to be let in. i phoned my psychologist who suggested i contact his mum, which i did. she said they are at the point there is nothing they can do as they have tried everything and he wont give up the pot. said he had never been violent, just nasty. i am hoping to stay back in my own home again tonight. i am not keen to get authorities involved unless he returns to my home and wont leave as i am concerned as to the knock on effect. anyone else been in the situation?

New member - Supporting a young adult with Aspergers, anxiety and depression

replies: 4

Hi, this is my first post. I've ended up here because I really need help supporting my daughter. To date I've operated on instinct but I'm confused, and don't know how best to help her. The depression is the most difficult.......I've read a lot of information but if she doesn't want to (or can't) take my advice, or the advice of her medical advisers, what do I do? She is on her second type of medication and the miracle fix I was hoping for hasn't happened yet. People describe the 'clouds lifting' but we are still waiting for the storm clouds to pass. Any wise words would be much appreciated or what I can do to educate myself. There must be other parents out there who have been through this...... or other young adults who can advise me how to help her. Thanks

Just a vent

replies: 7

Hi all I was here a few years ago and just felt the need to come back for some friendly ears, not necessarily any problem solving but just to be around some understanding people. My boyfriend of 5 years has complex PTSD. When his stress his out of control and his irritability is high, he shuts down communication and doesn't contact me. We don't live together, so I rely on his communication to know how he's doing, what he's up to, etc. When I don't hear from him I feel completely cut off. This takes a lot of self-talk on my part to not feel ignored and sorry for myself. I don't always succeed and can often be miserable during his shut down times. When he's feeling good, he's amazing. We talk for hours. We spend time together and just laugh constantly. The trouble is, when he has his quiet times I miss him like crazy and just want to hear from him. I am overly emotional, an over-thinker, I stress a lot and have anxiety. I wish I was a cooler person, cared less and had a higher self-esteem but I'm not. I think I'm compassionate and caring and as understanding as possible. I wish I could rise above my own feelings. This is why it helps a bit to write here rather than inundate him with messages that sound sooky and could isolate him further. Anyway, thanks for the vent session, I feel a bit better already

Help for a friend

replies: 3

Hello my name is Coralie and I have a dear friend who needs my help but I don't know where to go or how to help. I visit often and have seen a gradual decline in both her health and her husbands. lastest visit she was telling me how depressed she felt and she has no energy, hasn't been out of the house in weeks ,so their is next to no food. Her health is suffering and the dramatic change in her is like a walking skeleton. i urged her to get a home visit doctor out but she is terrified of being admitted to hospital. Could someone give me ideas on how to help please

bipolar partner smokes pot and argues constantly

replies: 5

my partner has been diagnosed with bipolar type 1 and has taken medication for 20 years. He also smokes pot - I find this difficult to accept. He says it helps with tremors that he experiences as a result of his medication and it helps calm his mind - but I still have trouble accepting the habit as I feel concerned it is not necessarily a positive help - he recently started a new medication and has been incredibly reactive, aggressive verbally and abusive and quite often blames me for anything and everything. He tells his psych that everything is going great - I have a very different perception. It is really getting me down to the point I am questioning the longevity of our relationship as I cant handle the feeling of walking on eggshells constantly. I feel he is constantly shutting me down also.

How to help partner of 7 years

replies: 4

Hi there, My partner (26 year old male) shut me out last night after a small argument and this morning told me he feels like he wants to die. He has no prevuous previous mental health diagnosis and honestly this is relatively new to me. He is struggling to talk about it and has said that he doesn't know how to talk to me and also doesn't think I can handle it. I've taken the day off work to sit with him but I'm not sure where to go from here.

Unable to afford Support for my Partner and I'm not coping for myself.

replies: 2

I'm a depression suffer, but its very situational, I've had cognitive therapy & know my stressors, sometimes it still takes me by surprise, but I can pull myself out. I'm a hopeless communicator when I'm in this mood & I need to work on it but I have no idea how to help my partner of 4 years, he's awesome & we have a lot of fun & he's oh so smart, unfortunately he suffers from Anxiety, PTSD, depression. He is medicated & seeing a psychiatrist but he doesn't like him but is seeing him cause he's cheap & all we can afford. He googles everything and disagrees with the medication He is doing some of his advice, but he thinks that he doesn't listen so he only does what he thinks he should. He has tried many medications & psychiatrists but often decides they are not working & gives up until the dark comes again. I constantly feel like we are starting again. Every 4 to 6 weeks almost always Wednesday /Thursday he has a really black day, he tells me that he's had enough & he just can't go on, that he's a failure & useless. I generally notice the beginning of these moods because he withdraws, snaps & acts hostile to me if I ask questions. He's not abusive, but he can be mean. He says that he can't talk to me because I get in to a mood myself & I'm not very helpful. I'm trying so hard to be supportive, positive & helpful. I'm starting to feel like a failure myself. I try to always tell him how much he means & that I think he's awesome & to ignore the thoughts. We have his son every second w/e who also has issues & is a difficult/demanding child, my partner loves him to pieces but struggles, he doesn't like to discipline him. These weekends are so hard on both of us, I don't enjoy them as I feel like I constantly have to parent & support my partner because he gets easily exhausted & just lets his son do as his please to keep him happy, I feel this just makes him worse, he's spoilt, naughty and it makes it difficult for me to enjoy his company. I don't want to lose him & I don't want to leave, but I don't know how to cope, I don't want to talk to family & friends as he gets embarrassed & the social situations are even harder with twice as much anxiety for him. We need a good psychiatrist & psychologist & can't afford either, which makes him feel more like failure. How do I find support we can afford Last night he told me he feels like a failure because he doesn't want to live but he's too weak to man up & take his own life... how do I respond to that?

Wife to someone suffering from mental illness

replies: 4

My husband has just suffered a relapse on his depression and anxiety after almost 10 years of it being manageable. I feel hopeless that I cannot seem to pull him through this and I cannot begin to understand what he is going through. He has had suicidal thoughts, which scare me to death! If anyone is comfortable to share their experiences, be it someone in my position or his, I really appreciate it. I would also love some suggestions on what i can do to support him whilst he goes through his treatment plan.

Depressed sibling, with drug and alcohol problems. How can I help him?

replies: 4

In a nutshell, my brother has become severely mentally unwell due to drug, alcohol and gambling addictions. We (family) have tried and tried to help him over the last 15 years. He almost signed himself into a pych ward 2 years ago when i stopped him from trying to end his life. He says he doesn't want help and I can't help someone who doesn't want help anymore. But he is tearing out family apart. He is now showing aggression and im worried for the safety of those around him. Please help, can I have him committed? Or does he need to do it himself? What can I do?

Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 18

Hi, Just wondering if anyone can give me any insights into their experience with BPD? My partner has this and it's only just come to light. Has anyone had treatment and has it helped? Any partners of BPD that can give me any advice on how to manage t... View more

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

frightened and need to know if i should be replies: 4

New member - Supporting a young adult with Aspergers, anxiety and depression replies: 4

Just a vent replies: 7

Help for a friend replies: 3

bipolar partner smokes pot and argues constantly replies: 5

How to help partner of 7 years replies: 4

Unable to afford Support for my Partner and I'm not coping for myself. replies: 2

Wife to someone suffering from mental illness replies: 4

Depressed sibling, with drug and alcohol problems. How can I help him? replies: 4

Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 18