Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Increasing anxiety from the prospect of going to jail

replies: 6

My partner is facing the prospect of going to jail. The process is taking a very long time, and he is not handling it well (I don't know if you can handle something like this well). His symptoms are most obvious at night. I first noticed he'd get sweaty and scratch during the night. Lately, he has been shaking violently (like he's naked in the snow), but in bed we're very warm. I'm very concerned for him with these escalating symptoms, especially since an outcome is still months off. Is there anything I can do to help him through this process and to ease his anxiety?

Teenage daughter struggling.

replies: 9

Hi, My 14 year old daughter suffers with anxiety. Home life has become extremely hard due to her unwillingness to go to school. She hates school because of the social side even though she has good friends who support her . We have missed many days because of it and now she is behind in work. This has now made her terrified to go to school because she is scared of getting in trouble. We have had appointments with the guidence officer, teachers and principle but she just sits there and doesn't say a word because she's to scared. We have her seeing a psychologist once a week. Nothing is helping at all. Just lately she has started to lash out and say mean things to her father. This morning she kicked a hole in the wall because her father took away her phone for not going to school. I'm away for work and have her on the phone to me crying that she doesn't want to go to school anymore. I don't know what else we can do to help more. We are both very supportive and understand how hard this is for her but nothing is helping. Does anyone have any advice? Please!

Wanting to help someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 4

I have a friend with BPD and I want to help her. But I don't understand the condition. I have read a little bit about it and most of what I've read says that it's to do with constantly fluctuating emotional extremes, and tendency to have low self-esteem and self-harm. But this doesn't paint enough of a picture for me, it doesn't tell me how this person thinks and feels, and although I can talk to her about almost anything I feel extremely inadequate trying to talk to her about her mental health problems as she instantly shuts it down or changes the subject. I have mental health problems myself. OCD primarily. and have suffered through periods of depression and anxiety so I have a fair bit of lived experience but I don't know what is going on in her head at all. I know there are probably kind people her with BPD, I'm wondering if you would like to chime in to maybe help me out here?

Not sure I can cope with Husband's depression any longer

replies: 7

My husband and I have been together for over 20 years and married for almost 19. He has suffered from depression and anxiety for all of that time. Some periods have been better than others. He was hospitalised a couple of years ago and has never been very good since. He is on medication but it doesn't really seem to make a lot of difference. He has no interest in anything and says he hates his life. He stays in bed until late and when he does get up, just watches TV or reads. He is supposed to be working from home but very little work gets done. Lately it feels like everything he says is negative and his anger gets the better of him. I try to be understanding but it is difficult day in day out and it boils over every now and again. We had a massive arguement last night and things are just as bad this morning. All the negative vibes in the house are effecting our 4 teenage kids. Our eldest daughter in particular doesn't really like her father. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want my happy husband that I know is in there somewhere. I don't want to leave him but am not sure if staying is the best thing for our family.

Im really struggling and don’t think I can cope with my husband depression any longer. Help.

replies: 1

My husband of 12 years, partner of 18years was diagnosed with depression 11years ago and up until the beginning of this year we have have been coping with it and dealing with each day as it comes. He has his good days and his bad. We have an amazing who has helped us every step of the way. It took trying 5 different medication before we found the one that was right for him and he’s been good for the past 3 or 4 years, until this year when I hurt myself and was in excruciating pain for 3 months until my medication started to work. I couldn’t do I thing, I was bed ridden and this really effected him, not that he’ll admit to it but I could see it change him every day. It’s been 10 months now and I’m now on a waiting list for an operation, I still can’t do anything and as much as I’m not in any pain because of all the pain killers, it still really upsets him and he’s depression is out of control. He is in a really dark place and is self distracting. He does and says the most horriable things to me trying to hurt me hoping that I’ll walk away from our marriage. He’s not violent towards me but very verbally abusive. I found out that he has been using a website to has webcam sex with other woman, i’ve caught him 3 times now but I know it’s been going on for awhile. After the second time I told him that if I catch him again I would leave him and he promised me that he wouldn’t do it any more and closed his account in front of me. Stupid me for believing him. Now I’ve found him for the 3rd time and I can’t deal with it but i don’t think I can leave him, he is the love of my life and I don’t want to be with anyone else but this is killing me. The worse part about it is he doesn’t care about what it’s doing to me or how it’s destroying our marriage. He won’t go and see our doctor and has attempted to end his life twice, he told me that he thinks about it all the time. This is terrifying and I don’t know what else I can do to help him especially because he won’t help himself. Please help I’m so lost

When your world falls apart - Anxiety and Depression, Marriage breakdown as wife walks out on family

replies: 2

Hi Beyond friends I have been with my wife for 27 years, happily married for most of them. My wife has suffered from anxiety and depression for 13 years, largely self medicated to a degree. never seeing a psychologist until now. This led to myself being the one that took the strain and unknowingly taking on more of a role as the years progressed, both of us not recognising that the illness was the root cause. I became the main parent to our two children (13/16) being there and doing most of the meals, the grocery shopping, 90% of the sporting activities for them both. I would care for her and make sure she bathed and washed at times, otherwise it was her not looking after herself for 2-3 days at a time. Her anxiety was always a problem with driving. never wanting to confront it, have extra lessons. Generally over the years i have been the one to guide her onto her medication, not realising that she had stopped at times as she did not want to see the doctor to get a repeat prescription, cold turkey each time. I was doing ok, noticing the signs until recently. I missed the last downturn due to focusing on the kids to much. My wife always adored me for years. I have been her world (met 17/18 now 43/44) She had an affair two years ago. its was hard, we got over it. kids knew as they were there when I found out. the guy used her, it was once but it was an affair that took a long time to heal. she wanted more than anything for us to reconcile, for us more than just the kids. I never told her I had forgiven her until recently when it came up due to what is happening now, went through all the stages of mistrust etc. fast forward and had we just come back from a wonderful family holiday in Hawaii, everything was great with us. about 6 weeks ago she just up and left us, no warning. I love you, just not in love with you. Kids become devastated and don't want her home, even with me explaining what it is. she came back and left again. but says she never left the kids, just me she is now in a one bed apartment and we had to move into a smaller place. until then she was in hotels She blames me for everything, controlling, not caring. she now has support from a few friends who say do what you feel is right, not seek help and don't make any drastic changes. she now accepts her condition but at the cost I fear of our marriage. I love her and want her back in time, but she now feels its over. I am the source of it all. So i now face my demons that I never knew I had

Husband has developed a serious infatuation

replies: 2

Hi everyone. Long time reader, first time posting. My husband has had depression for at least the last 7 years. He’s had a couple of big breakdowns and we are in a bad place right now. We had a young lady staying with us as a traveller and in 10 weeks he has formed an extremely tight relationship with her and thinks he loves her. She’s gone home and told him she doesn’t feel like that but it’s triggered his depression again as he says she’s the best friend he’s ever had, that he loves her and that he’s never been happy until he met her. He’s been deleting messages, lying to me and generally being deceptive. Nothing has happened even though he wanted it to. It appears he left it until she left to reveal his feelings. While she was here he was childish and irresponsible (she’s 20 and he’s 47!) and now he feels lonely. I want so desperately to help him (again) and he’s been back to the GP and to two therapy sessions but he keeps messaging her that he loves her. She’s at least telling him that’s wrong but it’s tearing me apart. How do I support him? Is this part of the depression cycle or do I walk away? Thanks for your advice.

Supporting husband with OCD, Anxiety and depression

replies: 3

Hi this is my first time here - not really sure what to say. Mynhusband has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD. He was sucidal last year and got help from a psychiatrist and psychologist which seemed to improve. He has always been pessimistic and everything is always worse case scenario. His OCD Manifests in control mainly money every cent we spend or I should say I spend is a nightmare. Everything is about money and savings. We are not poor nor rich but much better off then a lot of people. I can lectured on how many can spend of soft drink I take to work per week, water bottles not being saved and of course my smoking. I feel monitored every minute. He doesn't have motivation to do anything whether it be maintence stuff around the house or going out somewhere. We have two sons who are 8 who he loses his temper so much with them that they tell me daddy always says no or daddy is always yelling. i suffer from bouts of depression myself and have fibromyalgia- I am starting to wonder if maybe we aren't better off apart because I feel that I lose any motivation I have because he doesn't want to do anything. i am just so exhausted and unhappy right now I don't know what to do

My long distance boyfriend has depression - I don't know how to help

replies: 5

Hi there, I need some advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months now and we just started long distance 3 months ago. We live in different countries and won't be living together again for another year. We have always been very honest and open about everything in our lives and out of the blue he told me that he doesn't feel right, like he is going crazy and nothing makes him happy anymore (mental illness runs in his family). This has been happening for about 3 weeks now and I feel it is getting worse because he is blocking everyone out of his life, including me, barely replying to messages. Since our long distance relationship is purely messaging and facetimeing, I am really struggling to help. When we do FaceTime he just nods and grunts and when I try to ask him questions about it he just cries and hangs up. I decided to surprise him and book tickets to see him for 3 months time and he just shrugged his shoulders like he didn't even care, even though we've been excited about it for months. Which made me really upset. He lives away from his family and has very little friends, none of them know what he is going through because he thinks he is a burden to them. He's told me that he is hardly eating or sleeping and he is seeking professional help. I understand that what he is going through is really hard, but I don't know what else I can do to help. I feel like we have broken up because we just don't talk anymore. I still text him when I wake up and throughout the day, telling him I love him and I am here if he needs me but I hardly get a response. I am terrified that he'll just never reply to me one day and I won't know what happened to him. I love him and want to be here for him but am I wasting my time? Does he need me or am I just a burden to him? What else can I do to help him from this distance? Please help.

Partner with ptsd

replies: 6

My partner was diagnosed with ptsd a while ago, however recently his outbursts are becoming more frequent. On a normal day we are perfect, get along great, have fun, laugh, enjoy spending time together, all the normal things. When he gives in to his ptsd and anxiety, he lashes out in really hurtful ways. He says a lot of incredibly hurtful things, and keeps telling me that I'm going to walk away, despite me always reminding him I'm not going anywhere. I know this is just his way of coping and dealing with his ptsd, and know it's not actually personal. But I'm finding with each outburst recently that it's getting harder and harder not to bite back and take the things he says to heart. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm really struggling and not sure what to do anymore.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Increasing anxiety from the prospect of going to jail replies: 6

Teenage daughter struggling. replies: 9

Wanting to help someone with Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 4

Not sure I can cope with Husband's depression any longer replies: 7

Im really struggling and don’t think I can cope with my husband depression any longer. Help. replies: 1

When your world falls apart - Anxiety and Depression, Marriage breakdown as wife walks out on family replies: 2

Husband has developed a serious infatuation replies: 2

Supporting husband with OCD, Anxiety and depression replies: 3

My long distance boyfriend has depression - I don't know how to help replies: 5

Partner with ptsd replies: 6