Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Husband has developed a serious infatuation

replies: 2

Hi everyone. Long time reader, first time posting. My husband has had depression for at least the last 7 years. He’s had a couple of big breakdowns and we are in a bad place right now. We had a young lady staying with us as a traveller and in 10 weeks he has formed an extremely tight relationship with her and thinks he loves her. She’s gone home and told him she doesn’t feel like that but it’s triggered his depression again as he says she’s the best friend he’s ever had, that he loves her and that he’s never been happy until he met her. He’s been deleting messages, lying to me and generally being deceptive. Nothing has happened even though he wanted it to. It appears he left it until she left to reveal his feelings. While she was here he was childish and irresponsible (she’s 20 and he’s 47!) and now he feels lonely. I want so desperately to help him (again) and he’s been back to the GP and to two therapy sessions but he keeps messaging her that he loves her. She’s at least telling him that’s wrong but it’s tearing me apart. How do I support him? Is this part of the depression cycle or do I walk away? Thanks for your advice.

Supporting husband with OCD, Anxiety and depression

replies: 3

Hi this is my first time here - not really sure what to say. Mynhusband has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD. He was sucidal last year and got help from a psychiatrist and psychologist which seemed to improve. He has always been pessimistic and everything is always worse case scenario. His OCD Manifests in control mainly money every cent we spend or I should say I spend is a nightmare. Everything is about money and savings. We are not poor nor rich but much better off then a lot of people. I can lectured on how many can spend of soft drink I take to work per week, water bottles not being saved and of course my smoking. I feel monitored every minute. He doesn't have motivation to do anything whether it be maintence stuff around the house or going out somewhere. We have two sons who are 8 who he loses his temper so much with them that they tell me daddy always says no or daddy is always yelling. i suffer from bouts of depression myself and have fibromyalgia- I am starting to wonder if maybe we aren't better off apart because I feel that I lose any motivation I have because he doesn't want to do anything. i am just so exhausted and unhappy right now I don't know what to do

My long distance boyfriend has depression - I don't know how to help

replies: 5

Hi there, I need some advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months now and we just started long distance 3 months ago. We live in different countries and won't be living together again for another year. We have always been very honest and open about everything in our lives and out of the blue he told me that he doesn't feel right, like he is going crazy and nothing makes him happy anymore (mental illness runs in his family). This has been happening for about 3 weeks now and I feel it is getting worse because he is blocking everyone out of his life, including me, barely replying to messages. Since our long distance relationship is purely messaging and facetimeing, I am really struggling to help. When we do FaceTime he just nods and grunts and when I try to ask him questions about it he just cries and hangs up. I decided to surprise him and book tickets to see him for 3 months time and he just shrugged his shoulders like he didn't even care, even though we've been excited about it for months. Which made me really upset. He lives away from his family and has very little friends, none of them know what he is going through because he thinks he is a burden to them. He's told me that he is hardly eating or sleeping and he is seeking professional help. I understand that what he is going through is really hard, but I don't know what else I can do to help. I feel like we have broken up because we just don't talk anymore. I still text him when I wake up and throughout the day, telling him I love him and I am here if he needs me but I hardly get a response. I am terrified that he'll just never reply to me one day and I won't know what happened to him. I love him and want to be here for him but am I wasting my time? Does he need me or am I just a burden to him? What else can I do to help him from this distance? Please help.

Partner with ptsd

replies: 6

My partner was diagnosed with ptsd a while ago, however recently his outbursts are becoming more frequent. On a normal day we are perfect, get along great, have fun, laugh, enjoy spending time together, all the normal things. When he gives in to his ptsd and anxiety, he lashes out in really hurtful ways. He says a lot of incredibly hurtful things, and keeps telling me that I'm going to walk away, despite me always reminding him I'm not going anywhere. I know this is just his way of coping and dealing with his ptsd, and know it's not actually personal. But I'm finding with each outburst recently that it's getting harder and harder not to bite back and take the things he says to heart. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm really struggling and not sure what to do anymore.

She finally got me at breaking pint

replies: 6

I'm in need of some serious advice. My beautiful partner has Bi polar, Depression and anxiety. Going back to March she went away for a weekend and spent it drinking with a friend. Now we went through a 6 week low after that stint and it was pure hell. If she wasn't a crying mess, she was yelling at me if she wasn't yelling at me she was asleep.... or if those three things weren't a option she wasn't talking to me. Now we come through that but I came out damaged, I admit that it was a very trying time for me emotionally and mentally. Now she has been away for a period of time and I asked that no drinking occurred, or a 2 drink max limit because every time she drinks we have a low (these last days to weeks) and I cant keep doing that same thing. She wont stop the drink, she wont meet half way. I just need it to stop until we can sort medications out and these lows stop occurring. I need support because I am at my wits ends, and I have told her it needs to stop or we aren't going to last. And I say that with a very heavy heart. She is my person, my one but I can not do this and this behaviour for the next 40yrs

Confused

replies: 1

What do you do when you are doing your best to be supportive but your partner with illness and depression says and does things that hurt you. Acts in a completly selfish manner, dismisses your health and important events my birthday specifically. Do you give them room to be miserable do you call them out on bad behaviour I just feel like I am setting myself up to be hurt and disappointed by the last person I expected to do that. Is it selfish of me to expect anything from them.

My wife has depression and PTSD

replies: 6

Hello all. I'm not sure where to start. My wife who I love more than anything lives with depression and PTSD. She gets help from her doctor and is on medication. The only support we both have is each other as we have no close friends and whenever we've tried to lean on my family for support they've never been there for us. we are in financial difficulty and work and daily stress doesn't get any easier. I try and support my wife as best as I can, but I always feel like I'm failing. How do I try and help make her feel as if things will get better? Each time I suggest something, it's shot down. I feel at a loss at times and just want a light to appear so she can see that things will get better. I'm not perfect and often say or do the wrong thing which causes more problems. I wish I knew how to get things on the right path but without support it's so hard.

At a loss

replies: 1

My exbf broke up with me because he said he was feeling bad all the time. He said he needed to make changes in his life, but the only thing he changed was breaking up with me. We still talk everyday often more than oncea and we see each other a couple of times a week. He says is depressed and has ADHD. He also smokes a lot of marijuana. Sometimes he says he doesn't think he's depressed, but sooner than later he says he's depressed again. It's been over a year since we broke up and nothing has changed, we're just not together. I feel like when he's not with me he's fine. He works hard, spends time with his family (although that's not too often) and seems to do plenty of social activities, none of them with me. The only time I see him is one on one. It feels like it's just with me he feels unhappy, so I don't really know why he still wants me in his life? He gets annoyed if I care, but if I stop asking if he's ok, he opens up and tells me he's not. It's so confusing and exhausting. I'm at a loss with what to do. I want to be there for him, but I can't keep feeling like it's only with me. I'm tired.

How to help a parent..?

replies: 4

Hi everyone, after googling 'how to help a parent with depression' I stumbled upon this page. So I thought, why not give this a go! I guess I'll start the speel now.. I have no idea what to do or how to help my mum with depression. My heart is breaking since she is the best person in my life and always helps me.. but now she needs my help and I have no idea how to even do it. my mum is in her 50's. We lived together until I moved out early this year and now she lives alone. My parents split up years ago and are still good friends but he lives on the other side of the country. She has never found another person to be with since they split up over 10 years ago. So when I moved out earlier this year, it meant that it's just her in the house. She is unemployed due to a hearing disability , she has tried to get work but no where hires her due to her hearing loss. She has hearing aids but is unable to use a work phone. Anyway... so she lives alone, doesn't work, so it at home all day every day... and is just on a very basic Centrelink payment so she has barely any money. So now over the months she has gotten depression. And this is where I am stuck. In previous times she has asked me for money etc but it takes a serious toll on our relationship.. so now that doesn't happen anymore but I know she needs the help but it's not like I have the money either. How in the world can I help her when so many aspects of her life are down..? I have talked to multiple friends and googled answers so many times but I have no idea how to help her. If anyone has been in this situation or has any ideas please please reply to this forum. I will give anything a go and would really like to talk to someone whom has been in this situation as no one I know has any idea how to deal with this situation. thanks, tish

frightened and need to know if i should be

replies: 4

i had posted about my partner who is bipolar smoking pot - he started a new med three weeks ago and has not been right since. i have become frightened of him, and yesterday ended the relationship. he did not take it well. he rang about 100 times, left 30 voicemail messages most of them not very nice but all blaming me and saying horrible things, sent horrible text messages, and when i blocked him he used another phone to call (but left no voicemails from this number). i spent the night at a friends house after he came back to my home banging on the door twice to be let in. i phoned my psychologist who suggested i contact his mum, which i did. she said they are at the point there is nothing they can do as they have tried everything and he wont give up the pot. said he had never been violent, just nasty. i am hoping to stay back in my own home again tonight. i am not keen to get authorities involved unless he returns to my home and wont leave as i am concerned as to the knock on effect. anyone else been in the situation?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Husband has developed a serious infatuation replies: 2

Supporting husband with OCD, Anxiety and depression replies: 3

My long distance boyfriend has depression - I don't know how to help replies: 5

Partner with ptsd replies: 6

She finally got me at breaking pint replies: 6

Confused replies: 1

My wife has depression and PTSD replies: 6

At a loss replies: 1

How to help a parent..? replies: 4

frightened and need to know if i should be replies: 4